I think it may work better at her listening if you didn't get angry or 'emotionally black mail her' in fact tha'ts probably the reason she doesn't listen she knows you are going to yell at her .Could you give a scenario of what happens prior to her not listening, what kind of issue would it be about ?
"Emotionally blackmail?" A six year old girl? That's interesting...makes me wonder who acts more like the obstinate child.
While I'm not trying to downplay her defiance and disobediance, you need to figure out a better way to get this issue under control. Playing mind games with a child is only going to teach her to manipulate people and have trust issues, especially with you. You are her parent, so you should be her confidant, her provider, her leader, and one of the handful of most trusted people in her life, regardless of her behavior issues.
If her disobediance and defiance issues are problems both at home, school, and other social places, then you should consult with her pediatrician about it. She may get referred to a child psychologist or occupational therapist for issues that are not her fault and are out of her control, such as ADHD, SID, OCD, ODD, etc. These types of therapies, combined with medications at times and guided by professional health advisors, can also help you and whoever else is involved in her daily life learn of coping and effective disciplinary techniques and routines.
By emotional blackmail I mean, I tell her look if something bad happens to you or if somebody scolds or hits you, I feel really bad and so I become sad. Then I ask her do you like to make your mamma sad? Then she'll say sorry and also feels bad, but after some time she repeats the same mistake. For instance she does her homework very neatly at home but the same work in the class is hopeless. The teacher says she does not concentrate in class and is more busy with friends. Actually, she thinks she goes school more to be with her friends and studying is not the main job at school.I and the teacher both know that she has a good grasp of the concepts still she doesn't take the classwork seriously. At home I'm sitting with her when she is working and she knows that i am watching her so she better be careful.
Advice me is she being normal or am i being abnormal. As the teacher and my relatives say teach her to be patient or teach her this or that. I get bugged up. Though for the school teacher I feel she is bit lazy and expects the six year olds to listen her in one go and they obey her only if they sit with their fingers on their lips. And my daughter is quite agile she really cannot sit like this for more than a second. Your help and advice would be of great help.
I understand what you mean by "emotionally blackmail". Even though my son sometimes misbehaves, he is often caught off-guard when you tell him how his behaviour makes people feel. He has SID and impulsive and also a very bright child. I have been using the reward system with my son and it includes the behaviour at school. My son(6) goes to school more for friends than anything else. I know at this stage he wants to be a scientist so I tell him that he has to listen in class and he can be whatever he wants to be in life because he is clever.
Good Luck I know it can be frustrating, try the reward sytem if you have not and concentrate on her interest/passion(if I can call it that at this age). my son likes science so I do science experiments with him every week. He is not perfect and I do not expect him to be but he genuinely "wants" to be good.