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My 6yr old stepdaughter is out of control.. Please help!!

6 yr old constant defiance. Manipulation and refusal to comply with anyone. Have tried EVERYTHING!

My husband and I have been In the same house for 3years. He has a daughter who is 6. I have been In her life since she was 9 months old. I have an 11 yr old son who lives with his dad in my old state. But that's another time.
So my 6 yr old. I love her to death. She is like my own. Her dad has had custody of her since She was 2. I moved here in 3years ago. She does have a complicated enough set of troubles on her that I would never wish on anyone. Her mother has been in and out of her life since She was about 4. She has 2 other brothers that were taken to the grandmother to care for. So none of the kids are with her. My girl tho misses her brothers as expected. And I feel for her I do but I don't think it should be used as a crutch. Or an excuse. I don't want to raise a child full of excuses or allow her to get away cause everyone else has an excuse for her. That's just the tip of the iceberg .. We also love here on his grandparents land and his mother that is a book to begin w. So they love to spoil her(my Daughter) now they don't always show the best example. We all make mistakes. Her dad is my rock. We on most days are the ideal parents. If I make a rule he sticks to it. So we are alone in this constant CONSTANT battle with the rest of them who insist on not acknowledging what we do say. I'm real big on not rewarding bad behavior. The basic rules of life is all I ask from her. That's all we try to instill on her ... I'll clarify if I must.
For time frames miscellaneous moments daughter can go from the sweetest thing to the spawn himself.. Over the most ridiculous triggers. She was in the principal office 3 times the first 2 weeks of kindergarten. She was popped at school as well. Her daily folder was 3/5 days a week a color change. In pre k she used to throw the biggest tantrum at nap time. I had to pick her up early for similar repeated days. Always the same 3 things.
1. Preventing other kids from learning (disrupting the class)
2. Straight refusal to do what simple tasks she has been given. And will continue doing what she wants or gets what it is she wants until "forced into submission"
3. Touching folks.. But always an excuse regardless. "We was just playin".. "I just wanted to".... "Accidentally tripped him"

The list goes on. As the years go by the manipulation and the "f*ck it and you attitude" get so much stronger. We've tried everything. Time out, no tv/kindle time, to no friends.. She will even help you take her toys n throw them away .. We've spanked her accordingly. Grounded her and even attempted my version of "3day confinement"... Nothing works!!
Not to mention it's like we're then only ones and her kindergarten teacher who acknowledge and  are trying to help.
What other options are there and what are we doing wrong? If I need to clarify pls comment and I'll be sure to clarify. I know it's a lot . Please help!

4 Responses
189897 tn?1441130118
The fact that this is happening at both school and home.  That it has been going on for several years and nothing has worked.....fits the qualifications for ADHD.   And all of the symptoms that you have mentioned are also those for ADHD.  I would talk with your teacher and school to see if you can get her tested as a starting point.

Wait, as a starting point - check out this link on ADHD and see if you think it fits.

I am also the CL on the ADHD forum here-

I have lots that I can share with you if that is what the problem is.  For example, here are some ideas on discipline.    https://www.additudemag.com/behavior-punishment-parenting-child-with-adhd/?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=april&mc_cid=575b694d3e&mc_eid=34d357d554

I hope this helps.  If you have any questions, please post either here or on the adhd forum.  Best wishes.
Avatar universal
This could either be a mental problem, like ADHD, or she is being abused by someone. Either way, get her professional help, and stop punishing her! Or you are only going to make things worse.
Avatar universal
ADHD. May son had trouble with similar things at that age. At 12, on meds he is finally doing very well. Please try to be loving and gentle with her. She is so young and the more difficult she is, the more she needs love and kindness. People typically act out when they feel bad. Of course it will be frustrating and stressful but get her evaluated for ADHD and perhaps do some reading on dealing with the behaviors from an ADHD perspective
Avatar universal
This sounds like a mental illness and you should go help her instead of using these inappropriate punishments, spanking and getting rid of her friends are not suitable ways. Go find a psychologist and diagnose her to find a solution
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