My 7 Year Old Will Not Stay In Bed, Has Stomachaches every night

[Cassandra0628]

My 7 year old daughter is generally a happy, funny, intelligent little girl.  However, at bedtime, or even the mention of bedtime, she turns into "Mr. Hyde".  We moved to a different state about 5 months ago, which was a major adjustment for her, as we moved away from my parents and grandparents with whom she was very close.  Also influencing this issue is the fact that for about 2 or 3 months after we moved, she had to share a bed with her 4 year old brother or myself on the nights that my husband is working (he works midnights).  I realize that this is a lot for a young child to adjust to, but on all other levels, she seems to do very well.  She has made lots of friends, is doing well in school and is helpful and happy most of the time.   The major issues are that she makes excuse after excuse to get out of bed, usually from 8pm at bedtime until sometimes 10 or later.  After she does fall asleep, she will wake nearly every hour throughout the night, half of the time she is not even fully awake, but babbling incoherently or crying and whining inexplicably.  Sometimes she blames nightmares, sometimes she needs to "go to the bathroom" even though she just went a half an hour previously, sometimes she will just stand there and stammer, trying to come up with a reason to be awake.  Also, every night, after being tucked in, she develops a stomachache and needs to have a bowel movement, no matter that she JUST went to the bathroom.  I do not doubt that this is a real occurance as I have seen the results, but I am not sure as to whether or not she is just "holding it" until bedtime or if she really cannot help it.  I am at my wits end as she wakes up not just me and my husband when he's home, but also her younger brother who needs even more sleep than she does.  I have tried rewarding her when she stays in bed, revoking privileges when she gets out of bed, ignoring her...and now I just scream at her and I am ashamed to admit, I have spanked her at the height of my frustration.  I AM NOT A SPANKER!!!  Especially not out of anger and frustration!!  I just don't know what to do.  I've read parenting articles and books that offer solutions, but none seem to address this kind of issue where the child refuses to stay in bed at all.  Please help me!!

[jdtm]

I do not doubt that this is a real occurance as I have seen the results, but I am not sure as to whether or not she is just "holding it" until bedtime or if she really cannot help it.  


Your sentence is above - I suspect the answer is in the latter part - "she really cannot help it".  I wonder if your daughter is suffering from anxiety - perhaps separation anxiety.  Does she worry about others, have difficulty going to school, have physical symptoms as crying, aches, nausea?  If so, you might wish to google the phrase "childhood anxiety" or "separation anxiety" or similar words and/or phrases.  Please let us know if this might be the problem - if so, we should be able to help you.

[babygirl6152]

Anxiety stirs up stomach acids and could get her bowels stirred-  I agree that she needs some self calming techniques.... now the whole bedtime ritual is negative. ON the other hand, those little spankings probably didn't do any long lasting damage- just tell her you want to work together now and figure out a way to help her without the both of you getting so anxious--I wonder if letting her sleep with you for that little while helped her calm and of course someone that already had been sleeping with another person, even if it was her brother, was a comfort -My mom used to do this with me- She would lay in bed with me after story time and whisper to me- "wiggle wiggle wiggle get your wiggles out,' then said 'your toes are calming, move those legs wiggle it out, your legs are calming" all the way up my body, your head is getting sleepy, your eyes are blinking now it's time for your eyes to go to sleep- - just something to try- Maybe a little puppy to sleep with her- that helped my son- he still wanted to sleep with me til he was 8 and I had to break it- so he had always wanted a puppy- and he is now 16 and still sleeps with that sweet little shitzu

[babygirl6152]

there are books that address this- a q+a answer book I have checked out from the public library recently-  Parent talk with Randy Colson and Dr Lehman- can't think of his first name- sorry

[Cassandra0628]

She does have the physical symptoms; aches, nausea and crying.  However, she does not seem to have any problems going to school or spending time away from us.  That being said, I should also say that she is a very sensitive little girl and a people pleaser- so maybe she's holding in this anxiety and probably making it worse?  I would love it if someone could help me..  this is terrible for me and even worse on her.  Thank you!!!!

[Cassandra0628]

Thank you for responding to my pleas for help!  I will definitely that book and will try changing up the nighttime routine a bit to help her relax more before we enter the going to sleep phase.  And I would LOVE to get her a puppy (I think that I would enjoy having one as much or more than my kids!)  but it's just not practical right now as we have a small apartment that charges extra for pets.  As SOON as we get a bigger place, we've promised the kids a puppy and we are all very excited for that day to come!  I'm wondering if you have any suggestions as far as separating the nighttime rituals for each child as right now they go to bed at the same time, get their stories together, get tucked in together (they share a room), etc.  Her brother, who is 4, has no problems getting to sleep at night and seems to actually look forward to bedtime.  I sometimes feel that it's not fair to my daughter to have to share this time with her brother.  I've considered having her brother go to bed at 7:30 instead of 8, but I get balked at by my husband and the kids whenever I suggest such a thing.  Sorry for the long winded narrative, but if you have an ideas, I would love to hear them!  Thanks again!

[babygirl6152]

I will try to help you think of more ideas about separating their individual bed times - have you considered letting them share a room or a bed? or is that unrealistic for brother and sister to share a bed. I was a 2nd generation child and I wouldn't know- also both my boys were 13 years apart and same gender so I don't know how that is all handled- maybe just share a room?

You will be surprised at how your children can come up with ideas when you get to brainstorming - tell them for the brainstorming session all ideas are fair play- then you all can try to compromise til everyone is happy---- they might suggest things that are ridiculous to you as in staying up later every other night- one watching video or ipod quietly in bed til you get to them to say nite nite- the thing is this gives the girl some power just to be able to say things she would enjoy- discount nothing- no matter how extreme their suggestions are- just keep nodding your head- ok- THEN go back over them with dad and the kiddos and see what you can live with- like I said - your children come  up with wonderful ideas.....

and don't worry about writing too much honey my children are grown and take care of themselves- all that's waiting for me are the dishwasher and the dryer to be unloaded. My husband is busy at work then referees football games almost every night

[mg777]

I am going through the same thing with my 7 yr old daughter- she has never co slept, it was just all of a sudden out of the blue and I am exhausted night after night- she will not sleep in her room and will fall asleep around 2am on my bedroom floor.  I am desperate for help... my GP was no good he could care less =(