My 7-year-old son has little to no self control

[Susan527]

My 7-year-old son is struggling with controling his behavior and makes poor choices on a daily basis.  Academically he is doing very well, he was not recommended last year into the gifted program soley based on his behavior.  This year he was recommended for the program dispite his continuing behavioral issues because the school feels he is not challenged enough.  Now we are moving and he is not going into the program because he has two weeks left before we move.  He has given up on being responsible and when he makes poor choices he gives up and makes a bad day worse.  He forgets his homework at least once a week.  He strives for attention and would rather get negative attention then no attention.  The kids at school do not like him and it is not his imagination. Last year we invited 20 children to his birthday party and only two came.  We can not set up playdates because they either don't show up or the parents do not return my calls.  I think that his behavioral problems are due to the lack of positive socialization with children his own age but I am not sure.  I feel like I am at a critical point where if I can't get through to him I will lose him forever....

[nyychic]

Susan,
Here is what I think, I believe that your son shows signs of ADD, I'm not saying that you should just "drug him up" I think that you should take him to a reputable place to be evaluated.  Many ADD or ADHD kids are very smart and just have a hard time socializing, remembering to bring their homework to school, library books etc.  My son is in the 3rd grade and reads on a 5th grade level.  He's ADHD and he is medicated for this.  Many days his behavior makes me want to run and hide or rip my hair out.  He's going to be 9 and he doesn't act like it often.  I don't think that you should drug him unless he's been diagnosed with ADD and then you can decide if you want to medicate or you can do a trial medication time.  Give one month on meds, this is my suggestion to parents of ADD children who don't want to "drug" there children.  I was one of them believe me I hated to idea of drugging my baby.  I couldn't believe it was happening to me etc.  Now understand my son was much younger when he was diagnosed.  But it is your choice, and you have to decide what is best for your child.  Good luck, and I hope that you find what is going on either way I would have an evaluation done to see what is going on.

[aim7407]

I agree with msbaker. A new school means a new start.  I'm sure there are some kids who do like your son. Make sure you praise him as much as possible when he is good, or responsible, or does something great. Let him know the negative behavior is not tolerated and punish him accordingly, but don't focus on the negative forever, just address it and forget it, then move on to praising him again when he's good. It sounds like you're doing your best, and like you really love him a lot, and he's lucky to have a parent like you who wants to address these issues now and not when he's older and the behavior is ingrained. If his behavior worsens, or doesn't improve, then it might be a good idea to take him to his pediatrician and see if there is something deeper going on.  Drugging up a kid automatically just because he's got behavior issues, is exactly the kind of thing that's so wrong with our education system today. Sounds like he might just be a bit hyper, and since when did that ever require a person to be medicated. All these drugs that they give kids now a days, only serve to sedate and flatten them, so that they never learn to Cope with anything, including behavior, impulse control, and any other emotion that a normal human being experiences growing up. I know you didn't mention the adhd issue, but I just wanted to say that. Lots of people don't really realize, that attention span is not something we are automatically born with, it's Learned, and cultivated, and fostered through the parental infuence and maturity level of the child, and some kids just take longer to develop that span.  So don't let anyone tell you he needs to be on drugs unless you have him evaluated by a doctor and have exhausted All avenues of treatment or options.  just work with him, and be very consistant.  Good luck!

[RockRose]

Susan,   good for you for being so honest in your description of your son.

Your child has no friends because he's very  difficult to be around.  Other kids don't want to be around him.  

He's only 7,  so stop saying you'll lose him forever.  Really,  what's that about?    ???   He's 7 years old,  for God's sake.  

Before you move,  check into medication for him.    He sounds like he needs medication for ADHD and when he moves to a new place and is able to make a new impression on teachers and kids,  he will probably do better.

[msbaker]

Susan, you might try putting him into daycare where he is there before and after school around lots of other children, the teachers actually help the kids do their homework before they come home and then you can spend time with him doing fun things. Try playing board games with him or whatever he is interested him-make sure you take an interest in it and make time for him.  Catch him being good, and reward the good behavior, take him to mcdonald's buy him a dollar toy something that he wants, and ignore the bad for the first couple of weeks, maybe set something up at his new school with the teacher to where you can bring in a cool toy or something for him to share with the whole class or a really cool snack something that will make them like him.  new school means a new start for everyone, including him, give him a little space on neg. behavior and reward the good, he'll come back around!  hope this helps