My 8 year old has no friends outside of school

[MrsLane]

My 8 year old son is very out going and seems to have lots of friends at school as he always tells me about the kids that he played with at recess each day after school. However since we moved to his current school last year he doesn't seem to play with anyone after the school bell rings. There are no kids on our street. Though we invite kids over for play dates they usually don't (often with the excuse that the parents don't know me) and he has not been invited to even a single play date and only 2 birthday parties in the last 2 years. I know that it is because I am not chummy with the other moms. I have tried to make friends with several moms to no avail as they are very clique-ish and I don't seem to fit there mold (I am 10-15 years at least younger than them, I am single, I am not a stay at home mom). We do extra curriculars with the same crowd and it doesn't seem to help. None of my friends have kids older than 2 so I can't really send him to play with them-what should I do. It breaks my heart to see him get looked over or out right snubbed when birthday parties come up or we hear the other kids making plans (he does notice and it hurts him deeply) but I don't know what else to do-please help.

[RockRose]

MrsLane,  interesting.  

There are communities that are just weird.  Sometimes you hit a pocket of just weirdness and then you have to get out of there when you can.

If you really can't think of a real reason you and your son are being rejected,  I agree with you and Diva that it would be good for him in the long run to transfer back to the other school.

Best wishes.

[MrsLane]

You are right we don't have much in common so I can see where starting a friendship would be hard-though it would be nice if they were at least polite. I am not trying to get them to join me for mani-pedi's or girls nights out just social chit chat an a hello. I just wish that there wasn't such an us vs. them thing going on. They don;t even make polite chit chat at 4H and huddle with their backs to me on the bleachers at baseball. Also my son doesn't have any behavior problems (his teacher acctually requested him by name for her class this year because he is such a sweet heart). Though he is a bit of a motor mouth (the only time he is not talking is when he is asleep I swear!). However this seems like a bit of a harsh reason not to invite him to a birthday party or let your child join us for a movie or an hour in the batting cages.

Thanks for the suggestionDiva2317, I am tempted to transfer him schools next year back to the school he went to in kindergarten (with the same kids he was also with in pre-k) since we had no problems there it's just farther from our house.

[RockRose]

There could be several things happening here.

First,  as you notice,  you really don't have anything in common with the other mothers except you all have children in the same classroom.  So their interests and activities and lifestyle,  etc.  doesn't match with yours and it's not necessarily "cliqueish" to not be friends,  there's just nothing in common to base a friendship on.

Secondly,  if you were to be completely honest,  is your son easy to get along with?  (plays calmly,  can be trusted to not try to misbehave if the mom looks the other way,  is easy to entertain,  polite,  will eat whatever snacks are offered,  can come to the house at convenient times,   etc?)

My favorite kids to have my kids invite over were what I called "easy".   Pick up and drop off went smoothly and on time,  the playdate wasn't too long or inconvenient,  and the child was pleasant and brought out pleasantness in the other kids.  (No one's perfect.  I'm just talking in generalities).  

[skepticalpeach]

Is there another school that you could send him where the parents are more friendly?

Or, you could throw a party and send invitations home with all the students. Try and meet some that way.