My almost 4 year old daughter is out of control!

[KatyPotter2]

My daughter, who is almost 4 years old, can be the sweetest, most charming, and caring little girl, but frequently has tantrums that I can't control.  I am a mother of three and thought that I was an experienced parent, but I am left dumbfounded as what to do with Bella.  She can be rude and cruel with her words, although usually isn't violent.  She can't calm herself down once she is in the throws of the tantrum, which can last up to 4 hours.  She will tell me that she has calmed down and wants a hug, but then throws herself backwards and pushes me away.  She only does this with me.  Somedays I feel like she waits for her father to leave for work then almost immediatly throws a fit.  Her fits can be about anything and everything.  I'm not sure what triggers her tantrums.  One day I could ask her to pick up her shirt and she will refuse to do it then throw a fit...which lasts for hours.  She is completly draining my energy.  Her tantrums are also interfering with my ability to take care of her brothers.  I have disabling anxiety and am possibly bi-polar.  My main concern is her mental health, because of her family history.  She just can't seem to calm herself down from these tantrums.  I need help for her and for myself.  I'm not sure how much more I can handle.  Please help my family.  Thank you.

[margypops]

what triggers these tantrums something must happen prior to them,  could you give us a scenario ',rude and cruel,' could she have learned some of these words , what are the dynamics between her siblings if she has any, does she go to pre school,or daycare ? you asked her to pick up her shirt and she didnt want to, how did you react to her saying no,  could be child /parent interaction  .Good Book to read' SOS Help for Parents' by Lynn Clarke  ,.It doesnt sound like a menatal problem but as you are concerned it would be a good idea to speak to your Doctor .