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My boyfriend won't except my son.

I have two kids from a previous marriage 11 year old little boy and a little girl I left him for domestic violence due to him putting me in the hospital couple times my son has seen all of it and heard all the verbal abuse and manipulation.
After our divorce 5 months after it was final I ended up becoming homeless and staying on a man's couch that are his child in my child went to the same school. I was there for 6 months and in that six months we ended up liking each other and ended up dating we've been together for 6 years we have a little boy together who's 3.
But my boyfriend hates my son my son have a lot of issues and has been trying to get him help for the last 5 years he's very abusive himself and verbally he has put his hands on me multiple times to where I had to have his dad take him for a couple weeks to where he would hit his sister and hurt his little brother. I understand the frustration with my boyfriend with my son I have the same frustration but to completely give up on him to not think that he will get better but the help he is receiving will help it's heartbreaking.
I'm doing the best that I can by my child and the end of the day but still my child regardless if you like them or not my son adores my boyfriend
Then get along pretty well but because of his track record of his behavior everything he does is wrong constantly calls him out on everything and we are always fighting about him
My son recently came to me when weekend and ended up hurting me really bad where I miss three days of work because of the abuse that you put on me. my boyfriend thinks our three-year-old isn't safe around him and that my daughter is it safe around me either and I've come to the conclusion as the mother that he could be probably right.
My son is 11 and he needs to start taking responsibility for himself and the actions he does I personally think that he does well but he also has his bad days he still could but my boyfriend seems to think that he will never get better he will just get worse and refuses to allow me to have my little boy around him.
I have full custody of my children due to how my son is acting he's with his father for the summer and for the duration of 6th grade to see how well it goes with his grades and his behavior.
My boyfriend broke up with me sad because of my son no man will want to be with me not he's burned out by hearing about him and how good he does and how bad he does that he no longer wants to be a part of it even though we created a family together cuz we have a little boy together he seems to think that he didn't create anything with me the only way to have a family together is to be married but that's not the case but that's how he thinks.
He no longer wants to be with me after 6 years of being together has told me I'm a waste of time I shall Fe years ago has been very hurtful hooray meme I've been really stressed out and just distraughed for the last couple of days. I love him very very much. But a man who gives up on my son and cant be understanding hurts.
I don't know what to do and I feel very lost ??
I want my family back .
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Oh my goodness, you sure have been through a lot.  I want to say that I'm so sorry you have had such painful things happen in your life.  Now, this is my firm take on it as a mom.  I'm not a mom of teenage boys.  As they reach the teenage years, hurts and pains of the younger years begin showing how they emotionally effected them.  It can be sad to see it and wish we'd known 'back then' to change some things as the damage is already done.  This is one of those cases.  You know on some level that your boy needs to feel like he is loved by EVERYONE he lives with.  It hurts and it sounds like you may have been dependent on him for giving you a stable financial situation, a home, and a sense of normalcy to family life.  But it's not normal for real if part of the situation was his  making your son feel less than, unloved or like he didn't belong in the home he was living in because you chose it.  I'm not in any way meaning to sound harsh.  I totally understand and get where you are coming from.  Your number one job as a parent is protecting your kids and that includes caring for their sense of self.  You SHOULD have full custody of your son because your ex is an abuser that resorts to physical violence.  Now, you've gotten with a man that is cruel.  To your child.  This is all a vicious cycle.  I'm so sorry.  And wow, let me tell you this painful truth . . . the hard years with your son are coming.  He hits 15 and 16?  All bets are off. He will be even less charming.  He will be even harder to deal with.  He will rebel.  That's what they do and it's actually normal.  But HARD.  So, this could be a blessing in disguise if you were with a man that doesn't deal with your son AS IS.  

I'd see what other living situation you can manage.  Is that possible?  Do you have any support?  Do you work or are you stable on your own financially?  Down the road, wouldn't it be wonderful to have a man who loved and accepted you AND your kids?  That's what you need as a parent who loves her child.  That's what your child needs.  If you want to be with an A hole who isn't going to be loving toward your kids, you can do that when they are adults and out of the house.  But for now, you have to create a peaceful home for your kids, all of them.  

I am hear to talk to you because I know this isn't easy to deal with.  Probably isn't easy to hear either.  You have been a victim of abuse.  You may have had some situations prior to that as well that shaped you.  And that means that your thinking gets a tiny bit warped.  And the situation you've been in IS better than when you were with a man that beat you.  But, it's still not ideal if he doesn't love your son.  Big hugs to you, sweetie.  We have a relationships forum too that has some regular posters that you could talk to.  
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