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Avatar universal

My child accused me of touching her vagina!

Ok this is not easy to write... but here goes.
After dinner one evening my 2.5yo said to my wife “ daddy hurt my giney(vagina) with his finger.”
I know what your all thinking but hear me out!
My wife took her away and questioned her, to which she said “giney hurts there” and pointed to her vagina. Then proceeds to say it happened in the shower. I did shower her that evening but I’m 100% certain that I didn’t hurt her.
In the following two days she said it again, except I wasn’t holding or touching her, she was sitting on the couch.
My wife and I discussed what was going on and how it looks and both agreed that we will contact child services and the police. I have nothing to hide but know how it looks. I have since moved out of the house to see if she keeps saying these things. She has, and has made poking gestures toward her vagina, which as far as I’m concerned exhibits sexual abuse.
When questioned by the police she said my wife touches her vagina so does my older daughter and so do I. (Obviously we change her nappies and dry her after a shower)
Talking to my wife on the phone, she said she was reading our little girl a story, and she just randomly said “my giney hurts” when asked why, she said “daddy on the potty” Now, I know I’ve never wiped my daughters vagina after her peeing, as I make her do it herself. I’ve always created a boundary (this is daddy’s and that is yours)
Today I’m going to sit a polygraph, to try and put my wife’s mind somewhat at ease that I don’t and never have sexually abused our daughter. I know I will pass as I could never do anything bad to my children.
I don’t feel it will help as everything is directed at me. It’s tearing me apart that my little girl has said these things and I don’t know who I can call to get straight answers out of my little girl.
And before everyone jumps on a bandwagon accusing me of something I haven’t done, please understand that I have done everything, and I mean everything to make sure that my children are safe. I wouldn’t walk into a police station without realising what could happen to me.
8 Responses
3191940 tn?1447268717
First, I am SO sorry for what you and your family are going through.  This must be incredibly stressful.

I don't have any solutions, but I think you're taking some really good steps.  Have you tried breaking off all physical contact with your daughter for a period of weeks? I know that would be heartbreaking, but if you're not around, and she continues to make allegations, it will be clear that these events are fabrications of a toddler's imagination.

Also, I'd suggest having her examined by a pediatrician, in case something is going on with her vaginal area.  Does she have regular contact with other adults, apart from you and your wife?  Other children apart from her sister?

She's awfully young, but you may also try to find a counselor who specializes in young children.  I have had experience with one, and she was very adept at identifying when my child was relating true events and when he was fabricating events.  When my son was 6 years old, he accused a family member of physical assault (choking him), and I absolutely knew it hadn't happened.  He eventually revealed to the counselor that he made it up, and he didn't know why.  The counselor believed he was seeking attention, innocently, and of course had no concept that someone's life could be ruined.

I don't think you did anything, honestly.  You sound like a very distraught dad.  But it sounds like something is going on - it's really odd for a toddler to be talking about her vagina so much.  I would definitely rule out a physical problem first, and then identify the cause.
1 Comments
I moved out of the house about a week ago now.
My wife and I came to the same conclusion.
I thank you for your kind words and believing me.
My polygraph showed no signs of lying or foul play. And we had a considerable breakthrough with our daughter. She pointed at a young boy in her kindy class today and told my wife that he’s her kindy daddy. It’s definitely something that we can now work towards correcting.
This week has been horrendous, here’s hoping it gets a little better.
973741 tn?1342342773
I just wanted to second all that curfewX said.  I agree that you sound like a sincere parent that wants the best for his child and put in a horrible circumstance.  I also agree that I'd cut off the contact to see how long things go on and evaluate what other people are in her life.  Something is creating the words she is using.  She's so little to just come up with that.  However, after the first time, it may have been reinforced to keep saying it.  

I think I'd see the help of a professional and starting with her pediatrician and then going to a child psychologist from there would be prudent.  

I'm really sorry you are dealing with this and yes, I do hope it gets better very soon.  
Avatar universal
First off, why does your daughter know to call that part a "giney"? You have to understand kids make stuff up too.
Not saying you should never pay attention and not listen to your daughter, but you need to throw into account children will be children, and daughters are known to be manipulators, even women have told me this.

My daughter at that age may have known head, arm, hand, leg, feet.
Sounds like someone is poisening her head with garbage. And you though I do not blame you in this day and age of men being demonized and labelled as sexual predators until proven otherwise, is taking extremes to prove himself not guilty.

Your wife should know you, trust you, and believe you. The fact that your daughter still complains about her "giney" being hurt after you left the home, that itself should have cleared you of any doubt.

Now who taught your daughter to call it a giney? Has your wife been putting crap into her head for no one to touch her there? She could have said, "even it is daddy, you need to say somthing". Is your wife a feminist?

Idk, this story just does not add up. To call child protection services is pretty extreme step instead of investigating this for yourselves, especially after you proved your daughter saids these things even not around yet somehow you are still the main suspect in the eyes of your wife.
2 Comments
My daughter has always called her vulva her vulva, though she used to mispronounce it. They are anatomical terms. They aren't dirty. My whole family says penis, vagina and vulva. From birth.we use these terms.

And being a feminist has nothing to do with this AT ALL.
Seriously, your comments are unfounded. At 2 1/2 children often speak what they think they hear. The mom had never had issues with the Dad with the older girl. Sounds like a outsider is doing the damage. I'd you had read the original poster's additional post, you'd see they figured out it was someone from her school. Making suggestions his wife is doing something wrong is stupid.
134578 tn?1602101550
It's possible she has a UTI and is identifying the pain it gives her as being in her vagina area. It is also very possible she is being touched by someone else, not a person in your immediate family, and she is not identifying that person because you and your wife and her sibling are safer to her to talk about than the real perpetrator. I, too, would be interested in how a 2.5 year old knows a word like "giney," and if you find out who taught it to her you might find a clue to who hurt her, if someone did. (Though I will say, at 2.5 years old, my son did know the word "ballsies," and nobody harmful taught it to him, it was just the term we used around the house when talking about that body part. I think he also knew the word "gine" even though obviously he didn't have a vagina. Don't know if he knew that one at age 2.5, though.)
2 Comments
My just-turned-2 yo knows and can say vulva. I presume the parents taught her because teaching correct terminology is important and very helpful in cases of abuse!
My daughters have grown up now. But we had a similar incident when my oldest daughter was two. My wife had believed that talking openly to a two year old was necessary,. I was enlisted in the Navy and gone for the first portion of our marriage.  When I came home I  noticed some alarming things. I believe my first wife was a nymphomaniac. She had the drive for sure. I discovered that she would leave pornography on the TV all day even when my 2 year old daughter was present. She would have sex toys around the house...visible. She would try to put my daughter in the shower with me....ETC. My over time had made up stories, that she would share with me, accusing almost everyone she had been alone with as a child of sexually abusing her. I could tell they were lies because I knew her.She would drill a two year old every day several times. Did so and so touch you here? or do this? or that. with very descriptive language. ?One day she shows up at my job all crazy . i go to talk to her and she said that my daughter had said i touched her vagina. I knew I had not done this. I said ask her again, she said no, i said ask her again she said yes,I asked did mommy ever touch you there several times ..sometimes yes sometimes no. Teaching them too much, and putting an emphasis on these things can lead to false accusations...I do not see why a two year old should be able to draw up an anatomically correct Technical paper for a prosecutor, that makes no sense at all. I am sure that there are people in prison for these kind of things. This county has a 98% conviction rate against sexual offenders based on word of mouth alone. Some of them we know have been false. That is the kind of issues that teaching toddlers too much can create
Avatar universal
What happened with the little boy who she called “kindy daddy”?  And I would definitely take her to her pediatrician to rule out a uti or yeast infection. And if that came up normal take her to a child psychiatrist that specializes in sexual abuse.
  Also you might want to consider a playmate of hers that may have said something similar to what she has said to u.
Avatar universal
I'm a little taken aback by people Asking why a child this age has a name for her vagina. Why does she know the name for her eyes and ears? Because she's learning to name her body parts and that's one of them! Acting as if it's something she shouldn't know is a step back into the shame-based dark ages when females were taught (even in such subtle ways as this) to ignore, avoid, not-talk -about and ultimately feel shame about  body parts that are in no way connected to sexuality at this stage of life- except to adults. To suggest that this is possibly because your wife has been "filling her head with crap" because she named her vagina along with the rest of her body parts is just beyond --well, let's say "enlightened." Beyond that I just wanted to share my experience - as a mother who has raised 3 children I can tell you they sometimes just say things for no apparent reason. One of my sons came home from my brother's house one day and said that my sister-in-law had burnt him with cigarettes. He had no marks, no burns, no bruises. He had a good time and wanted to go back the next day so it was absolutely 100% clear that no one had burnt him with cigarettes. We can only imagine that he may have been cautioned that a cigarette could burn him, that he should not get close to a lit cigarette- who knows? But clearly his imagination took it from there. The thing is at the age of 3 he was too young to plot a deceitful attack - too young to understand that  saying such a thing could do HARM to my sister-in-law. To hm it was no different than saying, "The dog just read me a book. "  i think you have to remember that a 2 1/2 year old is not capable of the kind of abstract, strategic thinking required to perpetrate a lie upon someone in order to do harm. While I 100% agree that any such reports must be carefully evaluated - in this case by her mother-- I also believe that once a loving mother is absolutely certain she trusts a  father with whom she has a stable and well-established trust,a   father who has a history of providing appropriate care,  the absence of corroborating evidence and in fact evidence of ither similar fantastical stories- it is best to not allow the hurtful fantasy to gain traction by assisting in the development of a bigger story. As a mother, if I had those certainties I would treat it EXACTLY as I would the " dog just read a book to me" story because I know that it is very likely that if I don't add to the story with my reactions my child will have a new fantastical story tomorrow and I may never hear this one again. As a medical professional I agree that a health problem such as a UTI could be causing some discomfort- perhaps something she has never felt before and doesn't know how to describe. By age 2 1/2 most little girls have figured out that there is an opening down there and have put their own fingers inside. Before anyone passes out- ask yourself, "What percentage of girls this age have put a finger in their mouth? " Nose? Ear? None of us would gasp at the thought of a child putting her own finger in any of these places! But a finger in the vagina-- OMG!!!!! Even though to the child her ear and her vagina are equally asexual! Again, it's the ADULTS who make it sexual. BUT, back to my point-- if she's feeling pain and she knows a finger can go in there it isn't a huge stretch to connect the dots about how her "story" might be an attempt to describe it explain the discomfort. Keeping an eye out for further signs of a UTI was good advice. No doubt you are in a tough spot that no innocent parent wants to be in. Here's hoping this has all resolved positively ÿ now.
Avatar universal
Thank you for being a good father, I applaud you and your daughter’s mother for listening, understanding, and protecting your daughter. It seems to have worked out well in the end. Who cares if your daughter calls her pee pee a “giney’, this is not vulgar.
Avatar universal
Hey I'm just wondering how is everything going now. Has everything been sorted out? I think you've been handling this situation very maturely.
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