My children don't listen!

[lifeisbetter]

I have three children ages 3 (girl) 5 (boy) and 7 (girl.  It seems like the older they get the harder it is to make them mind.  They argue, call names, take sides, and have little respect for each other's property.  I started working full time last year and they all go to school from 8:00 a.m. until 5:30 so I know they are tired but I can't change my work hours its financially impossible.  When I pick them up they start fighting and whining immediately. In addition, I have a very hard time getting them to do anything I ask. They listen to their dad a little more and when I ask them why they say "because he yells louder." It's gotten to the point that I don't even like being around them sometimes. I do put them in time out and threaten to take away priveledges fortunately, I don't have to do it often because the threat is enough. We have Mommy daughter or son time and when its one on one its great. They are all good students and mind well in school. It feels likes its just me they don't listen to especially my 7 year old. My husband and I take turns alot and on his days I am starting to work later because I just don't want to go home. Please help, I love my kids so much this is breaking my heart.

[Mumknowsbest]

A related discussion, My kids don't listen to me was started.

[readytoloseit]

A related discussion, Help my children just won't listen to me!!!! was started.

[saralo]

I have three daughters.  One 7, the other 3 and the last one-1. I am having problems with my 7 year old mostly.  She just won't listen to me.  She does what she wants, when she wants.  Nothing seems to work with her.  At school she's the model student.  She behaves and is doing very well.  I can't believe the teacher is talking about the same child.  She listens to her father more often than not.  She forgets what she's been told to do or not to do.  She's taken to lying as well.  Her attitude is also unbelieveable!  As I sit here typing and crying (because I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore), my two older children are fighting, AGAIN.  Please, could anyone suggest a solution.  My 7 year old is a good kid and has a heart of gold.  I just want to stop this insanity before it gets worse.     Thankyou

[saralo]

I have three daughters.  One 7, the other 3 and the last one-1. I am having problems with my 7 year old mostly.  She just won't listen to me.  She does what she wants, when she wants.  Nothing seems to work with her.  At school she's the model student.  She behaves and is doing very well.  I can't believe the teacher is talking about the same child.  She listens to her father more often than not.  She forgets what she's been told to do or not to do.  She's taken to lying as well.  Her attitude is also unbelieveable!  As I sit here typing and crying (because I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore), my two older children are fighting, AGAIN.  Please, could anyone suggest a solution.  My 7 year old is a good kid and has a heart of gold.  I just want to stop this insanity before it gets worse.     Thankyou

[momofteenandtot]

The book Love Languages for kids is great way to start.  The term "the tank is empty"  applies to this situation.  Its a great start.

[Kevin987]

Read Lynn Clark's book SOS: Help for Parents.  We had the same situation with our 6 year old, and the methods in that book have worked well.  We still have some problems, but I finally feel like they are getting under control.

[lifeisbetter]

Thank you all so much for your input.

Walhac, please post here after you've seen the psychiatrist. I'm interested in what it will involve. You are right about the extra attention. I wish I had more one on one with each child there's just not enough time in the day, especially with three of them.

Momofteenandtot that term you used was exactly how I feel. Maybe I should change my screen name to tankisempty! Thanks again for your advice.

Kevin if the SOS book works I'm going to thebookstore tommorow and I'll check out both the suggested books.

Thanks again

[wallhac]

we understand, our 4 year old is exactly the way.  at home he is a raving luny.  anywhere else he is quiet, respectful, and well-behaved.  we have been trying to give him more affection, attention, and tell him when he does good things as well as bad.  it helps a little with ours, maybe it would a little with yours.  ours needs more though, we have an appointment soon with a child psyche to make sure if he does or doesn't need medicine to help with possible adhd.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

As you have documented convincingly, the problem is in the parent/child interaction. Outside the home setting, the children appear to be doing well, and this is encouraging and a compliment to you and your husband. But the parent/child interaction needs some help, and you might profit from consulting with a child mental health or behavioral health professional who can discuss with you and your husband how you can make changes in your parenting style. In any family there will be some degree of discord, but it sounds like you are experiencing more than the norm. This can get better, but you'll need a bit of outside intervention.