I dont see any of the disorders you are trying to get assessed but as you are concerned it is best you do get him evaluated. I see a little boy getting some harassment for not listening whilst others talk about his failings,in front of him a lot of kids dont listen and as you had his hearing tested you know it is okay. Maybe he is tuning out and when you are together with his teacher saying he does not pay attention, he doesnt , he is frustrated. Why not try to give some positive input, see it from his point of view, dont make a big issue of it,The Teacher can deal with him taking all the toys by taking them away seemd to me she is not dealing with that properly.Kids of 5yearold dont want to nap, so dont worry about that, and maybe when he goes to bed he could have a nice story read and not a hassle to get him there, if you relax more about theses issues He will,
i respectfully disagree with margypops, although more info would be helpful. you say you adopted him at 2 1/2. where was he prior to that? were you fostering him or was he elsewhere.
his difficulties can stem from a combination of things. i sense sensory processing disorder, and while i have not worked with detachment disorder (as far as i know), it is possible it's a combination. he also seems to have difficulty identifying and managing feelings. could you tell me what DOES work?
sensory activities can be soothing, or keep a child like him occupied. how does he do with fingerpaint? spray some plain shaving cream on a plastic table and let him play with it. take a small bowl, put a 1/2 inch of water in it, and a couple of drops of dishsoap. give him a straw and watch him make mountains of bubbles on the table (you can put the whole thing on a tray). make oobleck by mixing cornstarch and water. have him experiement with the ratio of water to cornstarch. make homemade gak together (you can do an online search or PM me for the recipe). I have worked with several children very much like your son, and in each case these activities really helped calm/focus/soothe the child. if i gave these activities to him first thing in the morning, the rest of the day went smoother.
scratch time-out. it's ineffective in most cases, especially with children who are as old as him. he's not sitting there thinking about what he did- he's sitting there thinking about how p!ssed he is at you for putting him there! instead, stick to logical consequences. you hurt someone, you find a way to help them feel better. you break a tower, you help fix it. you spill it, you clean it.
with kids like him, i find it is often very helpful to give him an opportunity to correct the situation. if he does something wrong, say "we have a problem- you have to help find a way to solve it." it's empowering, and makes him more likely to actually try and solve the problem. or, "you made a mistake- let's find a way to fix it." this approach doesn't give him the dramatic response from you that he may have been searching for either. again, this calm demeanor encourages him to get involved in problem solving.
finally, i am sure that when things do go wrong and you try to intervene, he most likely runs/hides/avoids you or the teacher. when he does this, very calmly say "i see you need a break to calm down before we solve this problem. when you are ready, you can come to me." if he tries to go another way or play with something, simply put yourself between him and whereever he's going and repeat firmly but calmly, "you need to solve the problem before you do something else. if you need time to calm down first, that's fine. but playing is not an option." if he seems aggitated you can offer to help him solve the problem. "would you like me to help you find a solution?" if he accepts, guide his decision making process, but do not hand him the answer. ex: susie seems very upset about her tower. what do you think we can do to help her feel better?"
building problem solving skills takes time and consistantly, but is highly effective. along with it comes building empathy for others. these techniques have worked wonderfully for my classes of 3's, 4's, and 5's- "difficult" children included. however, if he does truly have one of the diagnoses provided, he will most likely need additional therapy as well. good luck and i wish you and your son the best.
Thank you for your advice on this situation tiredbuthappy, I find your advice might just help with my 4 year old that is giving daycare a run for there money. I am having a very difficult time with my son even at home. I will try your methods and see where it takes me. I have him in 4 different programs from counsiling to tests to see if there is any thing wrong mentally and emotionally. Maybe it is as simple as your ways to help Noni's child. He does do some of the thing mentioned above but I dont know if he has any of the actual diagnosis except maybe a little of the sensory one. He hates loud noises but thats about it for sensory. Could I please have those recipes you talked about in your response? Thank you so much.
Thank you Noni for your question. Hope you dont mind my responding to tiredbuthappy.
i just found a page that has great recipes, although she calls my favorite "amy's flubber recipe."
the interesting thing about sensory integration problems is that the behavioral problems caused by the sensory issues may overshadow and possibly mask the the underlying cause. (am i explaining this right?) for example, recently i had a child who was exceptionally difficult. only once we managed to calm some of his behaviors through some of the techniques above did we begin to see his sensory issues. he was very aware of smells. if he walked into the room and i had an iced coffee across the room on the counter he exclaimed that he smelled coffee (iced coffee doesn't have a strong smell like regular coffee). he was constantly asking what different sounds were. he constantly was touching his friends- either hands on their shoulder or back. if talking to an adult, he was always leaning on them or touching them. sometimes when you are chasing a child who is throwing blocks you don't have the time or opportunity to make these kinds of observations.
i can kinda of relate to these children, as i am exceptionally sensitive to sounds. i find it overwhelming and aggitating. if there is background noise, i cannot focus on a conversation. as an adult, i have learned to cope. i cannot even imagine what it could be like for such a young child. and i only have a minor case. you know how most people don't notice a softly buzzing light until someone points it out? i hear it all day. immediately. and it's not that i hear it better- i just process it differently. in a loud place like a bar, i cannot hear a conversation or even talk to the person next to me because all of the other sounds are not filtered out in my brain. it's VERY aggitating and overwhelming.
it's very interesting. with the child i describe, there were days when he was very calm. on those days, he was never asking or complaining about sounds or smells. i knew to be prepared on the days he walked in the room and asked about my coffee, or covered his ears when i rang the bell. if i suspected a rough day, some of those sensory activities could actually turn the situation around.