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My stepson pulled a knife on my son yesterday..HELP!
This is also posted under the "Stepparenting forum" but I felt like it should be here as well. It doesn't look like there is a lot of activity on there and I am desperate!
My 9 yr old stepson has lived with us for the past 2 years. He has given us nothing but problems since I've known him. First it was inappropriately touching all 3 of my other kids, has choked them, he lies constantly, he's extremely deceitful and deceptive, lazy, in trouble at school, you name it! My husband and I are at our wits end! Yesterday he and my son got into an argument and when I got home from work, my son was crying hysterically. I asked him what is wrong and he told me that Kris pulled a knife on him and was saying some really really bad things. Evidently it had just happened, so I talked to them individually and of course, got 2 different stories. It started over a PENCIL! With Kris's background, I worry every day that one day he's going to do the unthinkable, either seriously injure or even kill one of the kids. We have taken him to counseling in the past and am going to be taking him again. He gets punished, grounded, spanked, and talked to about consequences of his actions, but it never registers in his head. It seems as if he doesn't care that there are consequences, he doesn't care if he hurts someone else. Any ideas?? I am desperate!! Thank you!
My 9 yr old stepson has lived with us for the past 2 years. He has given us nothing but problems since I've known him. First it was inappropriately touching all 3 of my other kids, has choked them, he lies constantly, he's extremely deceitful and deceptive, lazy, in trouble at school, you name it! My husband and I are at our wits end! Yesterday he and my son got into an argument and when I got home from work, my son was crying hysterically. I asked him what is wrong and he told me that Kris pulled a knife on him and was saying some really really bad things. Evidently it had just happened, so I talked to them individually and of course, got 2 different stories. It started over a PENCIL! With Kris's background, I worry every day that one day he's going to do the unthinkable, either seriously injure or even kill one of the kids. We have taken him to counseling in the past and am going to be taking him again. He gets punished, grounded, spanked, and talked to about consequences of his actions, but it never registers in his head. It seems as if he doesn't care that there are consequences, he doesn't care if he hurts someone else. Any ideas?? I am desperate!! Thank you!
Please take this kid to a therapist he may have a mental health issue. As you said he has had some issues in the past but I think a knife is going to far. So please find a therapist. Good luck
I just happened upon this post when I was searching for a solution for something else. I am not an expert by any means, but I do have extensive experience with these behaviors and mind sets. It sounds like he might be a trauma victim, and if so, until you get to the underlying causes of these behaviors, you will never see an end to them. 9 years old is usually too young to have a personality disorder diagnosed, although it has happened unfortunately, and is possible, in which case medication could be helpful. On the other hand, if it is trauma, and if you can find a good therapist who can get to the root cause, you'll be on your way to a happier, healthier existence. I'm sorry to say, it is a long and tumultuous road, in the mean time, put a window alarm on his door so you can hear him leave his room, and never leave him unattended with other children, for his safety and theirs. Inappropriate touching, mixed with angry outbursts sounds like it might be complex trauma. He should be monitored very closely, and in treatment, behavioral therapy as well if possible. It also sounds like he needs to learn coping skills so that when he is angry with other people in the house, he has an option other then lashing out and hurting someone. I wish you well, I have been where you are many times as a therapeutic foster parent, and adoptive parent. Good luck.
imanaddict- When I was reading your post I automatically thought of my great nephew. It fits him to a T! I am no doctor but it really sounds to me like what my great nephew was diagnosed with. It is Conduct Disorder. I found this online for you.. you can see for yourself if that seems to fit him. If so I would seriously take him to a mental health facility and have them evaluate him. This is very serious! My great nephew actually broke into my sisters (his grandmother) house and got ahold of some of my sisters medication (not sure what kind), and forced his 2 year old brother to eat them! My niece and sister found that poor baby barely hanging onto life in the yard, trying to make it back to the house! He is okay now, and the one who did it is in a detention center to this day and that was a little over a year ago. My niece is scared to death that if he ever gets out that he will try to kill them! She has 5 kids and the rest are just as sweet as can be! Please read the following.. I can send you the web page where I got it from if you would like.... it does have more info. Good Luck! Keep an eye on your babies!!
Patty
Conduct Disorder
Although conduct disorders cover a wide array of "bad" behaviors, the underlying principle of the diagnosis is that an individual exhibits inappropriate behaviors that violate the basic rights of other people. These are behaviors that fall outside the scope of normal childhood pranks and mischief; rather, conduct disorder includes behavior that is often vicious, and sufferers typically display no remorse (regret or guilt for having done something wrong), something that links conduct disorder to antisocial personality disorder or psychopathy (see section on Personality Disorders below).
In addition to the dysfunctional behaviors they exhibit, people with conduct disorders do not possess a great deal of empathy (understanding of other people's feelings) for others. Sufferers may also mistakenly think others are behaving aggressively toward them when they are not. Although an individual might seem to have a tough exterior, that person may in fact have low self-esteem, another feature common to those with conduct disorder. Recklessness, angry outbursts, and the tendency to get easily frustrated are also common traits of this problem.
Patty
Conduct Disorder
Although conduct disorders cover a wide array of "bad" behaviors, the underlying principle of the diagnosis is that an individual exhibits inappropriate behaviors that violate the basic rights of other people. These are behaviors that fall outside the scope of normal childhood pranks and mischief; rather, conduct disorder includes behavior that is often vicious, and sufferers typically display no remorse (regret or guilt for having done something wrong), something that links conduct disorder to antisocial personality disorder or psychopathy (see section on Personality Disorders below).
In addition to the dysfunctional behaviors they exhibit, people with conduct disorders do not possess a great deal of empathy (understanding of other people's feelings) for others. Sufferers may also mistakenly think others are behaving aggressively toward them when they are not. Although an individual might seem to have a tough exterior, that person may in fact have low self-esteem, another feature common to those with conduct disorder. Recklessness, angry outbursts, and the tendency to get easily frustrated are also common traits of this problem.
I completely get what you're saying and 100% agree. I wish it were that simple. I have 4 kids in the house ages 9 (stepson), 7, 4, and 3 and a husband that works nights. I am the only one in charge from the time I get home til I go to work the next morning. I can keep him away from the other kids by grounding him to his room, but I can't hardly keep the other kids from him. The little ones don't understand what grounding means and it's a constant battle. There is no door to his room, it's actually my office turned into his bedroom, but I certainly do my best. The little ones forgive and forget the things he does to them, but I cannot. I have so much anger toward him for touching my kids and the anger continues to grow when he does other stuff, like the knife thing and the lies, etc...He's NOT your normal 9 yr old whatsoever. I'm scared of what this kid will turn into as a teen and into adulthood.
In school, he is not violent, but he is disruptive. He talks, talks back to the teacher, has been sent to the office for numerous different things and has even refused to go to the office and the Principal had to come get him. Last year he told his teacher that his Daddy threw a metal pole at him (he had a tiny scratch on his forehead from whatever) and we had CPS knocking on our door! I don't think I have forgiven for that lie either, it turned our family upside down! I can't help but think that this kid is out to get us at times. He can be a sweet kid, but at the same time he's so deceitful for a kid his age. It's like he plays "dumb" but he knows what he's doing.
I feel like I'm fighting a never ending losing battle and I just want to give up. I'm tired of all the attention focused on him and all his wrongdoings. I'm tired of him hurting the little ones and teaching them bad habits. I'm tired of wondering what will happen if I turn my back for a few minutes. I'm soooo TIRED!!!
In school, he is not violent, but he is disruptive. He talks, talks back to the teacher, has been sent to the office for numerous different things and has even refused to go to the office and the Principal had to come get him. Last year he told his teacher that his Daddy threw a metal pole at him (he had a tiny scratch on his forehead from whatever) and we had CPS knocking on our door! I don't think I have forgiven for that lie either, it turned our family upside down! I can't help but think that this kid is out to get us at times. He can be a sweet kid, but at the same time he's so deceitful for a kid his age. It's like he plays "dumb" but he knows what he's doing.
I feel like I'm fighting a never ending losing battle and I just want to give up. I'm tired of all the attention focused on him and all his wrongdoings. I'm tired of him hurting the little ones and teaching them bad habits. I'm tired of wondering what will happen if I turn my back for a few minutes. I'm soooo TIRED!!!
I think getting him back into counseling is a really good idea.
It sounds like in the meantime, he needs to be completely supervised around the others without even 15 seconds going by without an adult's watchful eye. I also think you might need to reframe your thinking from "he doesn't care if he hurts someone else" to "he wants to hurt someone else".
This sounds very, very hard. How does he do in school? Is he as violent and disruptive there too?
It sounds like in the meantime, he needs to be completely supervised around the others without even 15 seconds going by without an adult's watchful eye. I also think you might need to reframe your thinking from "he doesn't care if he hurts someone else" to "he wants to hurt someone else".
This sounds very, very hard. How does he do in school? Is he as violent and disruptive there too?
Yes, my husband was home. I think it had JUST happened because when I got home from work, my son was crying hysterically and my husband was walking toward him wanting to know what was wrong too. You are right, he is unpredictable and I don't know what to do. On one hand, we can't "ban" him from his brothers and sister, we all live together, and on the other hand, I think that is what needs to be done! I simply don't/can't trust him. None of us do. My parents, his (step) grandparents don't even trust him and have witnessed the things I am constantly seeking answers for. At first they would say "He's just a kid" and now they say "That kid needs some help" I care for him, but it makes it REALLY hard for me to love him. Giving him back to his mother isn't an option and having him at my house is putting my other 3 kids at risk.
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