My very emotional 4 yr old

[EmotionallyXhausted4]

My son  turned 4 in June. It has been very very hard raising him.When he was born , the 1st 3 months he had colic and the crying and fussing never seemed to stop. He always kinda seemed like a miserable child. When he was a  baby if he never stayed happy for long and cried alot. When he was 1 for six months striaght he cried day in and out but that was only with me.. The sitter said he waS THE BEST CHILD EVER. Quiet, independant..everything...and then the tantrums started..and now hes four..still having tantrums, complaining all the time, never satisfied, always whining,fussing,and freaks when told NO or he dont get what he wants! Its like walking on eggs shells..and hes mostly like this with me..hes pretty good for everyone else. I cant even have company over, hes NEVER INDEPENDANT, always stuck to me wanting me to do something for him,NEEDY! I cant ever get a word in edgewise to someone. He cant be quiet when told to and when I say go to your room he melts down even more and wont go unless taken. Ill say if you stop cryin you can come out, that doesnt work he gets even worse. He SO SMART its crazy but cant comprehend me disaplining him..Then im "mean". One little thing and he freaks out. Something as little as not being able to get his shoe on or we can be riding in the car and he drop a toy. Instead of nicely and calmly saying "mommy can u please pick this up for me", he freaks and flips out, has a melt down VERY Emotional. This is all the time! Hes also very insecure. I work everyday and he is in daycare..but im with him everynight.weekends we do fun things. Im a single mom but  He wants for nothing!  We are on a routine Im with him every night & morning,and we spend every weekend together. Im so emotionally exhausted from him at night, he consumes my life has everything a child could need and want so what is the problem?! Sometimes I dont even think he can help being so emotional & hes mostly like this just with me or when I AM AROUND. help!

[2kids4me]

Hi, I have a 4 year old girl and a 7 year old boy.  My son just started a new Elementary school and my daughter a new family day care because we have recently moved.  My son, who is very outgoing and friendly, has thrived in his new environment.  My daughter, on more of the shy and sensitive end, has not.  She has been having these crying fits at day care for no particular reason.  At first it seemed she was having withdrawls from being with her brother all summer, but now sometimes I think she is just putting on a show.  The day care provider says she changes emotions like the switch of a light.  She has been in daycare sense she was 1, she has never had a problem like this.  She knows that I come to pick her up everyday when I am done working.  I am very loving and caring with her.  I do trust the new day care provider that she is being very nice and caring towards her also.  She has excellent references, and has been in the business for 20+ years.  She has 8 children on her own and she is also understandably very upset by this.  I don't understand what could be making my daughter act up in this way.  She is terrified when the day care provider's husband comes home.  He has only said 'Hi' to my daughter one time. She has no reason to be afraid.  I know absolutely she has never been abused by anyone.  Is she going through a phase?  Is she just being overly sensitive?  Is she just trying to get attention?  If so, why?  There are 2 other girls in the day care who are slightly younger than my daughter who just love to play with her.  Why would she not be getting the attention she needs?  Is she insecure?  She is perfectly fine at home, and does not cry or get upset at all usually.  What is going on???  I'm actually debating pulling her out of the daycare because she seems so uncomfortable.  She has been there going on 6 weeks now.  It is not getting better with time at all.  Any suggestions?  

[ErinN]

Have you looked into sensory integration disorder?  My cousin had a son who had some of the very same issues you describe.  The clincher was when you said that she can't pick an outfit because they hurt.  My cousins son would do the same thing.  he especially had issues with socks and shoes.  He was placed on a sensory "diet" (They provided his mom with different sensory tasks to engage him in including a big stretchy bag to play in!) and he seems to be doing better.  Just my two cents.    

[momcrazy]

My daughter's the same way, she cries or freaks out about the tiniest thing. She has no problem mouthing off to me but, when she's around her cousin, who is 5 months younger, she flips out and cries and stalks off at anything she says or does. I can calmly tell her that she can't do this or that and she goes crazy. I'm left standing there staring at her like- what in the world?

[val'smom]

I have a 4 year old little girl and I have spent the last couple of days worrying that my child is not normal.  There have been little episodes that has made me worry a little.  We were at a friends house who also has children and they also have a ferret.  My little girl was so scared that a baby that was there was going to put her finger in the cage and get hurt that she hugged the cage and cried.  Later that same night, there was a fake fire place and she started frecking out scared the little baby would get burned.  I really tried to be calm and explain that it was okay and the baby was safe.  Just this past week she has started not being able to get dressed without a huge ordeal.  I know most people think she's just being a brat and i truly hope so, but she begs me to help her find clothes.  I tried to suggest several outfits one at a time and she just cried and couldn't make a decision, saying no, that this one hurts, and I don't want that one.  My husband says I shouldn't worry, but I can't help it.  Does my child need help?  I know I do.

[ally'smommy]

If you figure out something that works, let me know cause my daughter is the same way.  This is her 6th week of Kindergarten and she's still crying of the mornings!

[chasenkysmom]

Oh my goodness... I can SO relate to everything you are saying.  My son does the SAME EXACT thing with me.  My husband is baffled, because he doesn't see the tears and the fits.  We're having an absolutely horrible time adjusting to preschool and latch key afterward.  My son is CONVINCED that we are not going to bring him home and forget about him.  He worries all day about it.. thinking of every possible scenario.  Tonight before bed he started crying about having to go to school tomorrow.  I'm about at my wit's end.  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is not at all unusual for children to display their most intense emotional and behavioral reactions in their interactions with their parents vs with other people (friends, relatives, teachers). However, the degree to which your son is distressed is outside the norm. Behavior management alone will not solve this problem, though it may help to some extent. Use this rule of thumb: If your son violates the rules (e.g., hits, disobeys you, damages property, etc.), employ time out (though, at his age, time out should be in a chair, not alone in his room). Your son is very likely pretty depleted by the time you both arrive home - thus, his capacity for stress will be quite limited and he may respond with strong emotions to even slight frustrations or disappointments. It is possible that, not intetntionally, you are contributing to the problem by the ways you react. The situation invites some help. Schedule an evaluation with a mental health or behavioral health clinician. That person can evaluate your son and the overall situation and, at the very least, offer you some guidance about how to interact with your son.

[EmotionallyXhausted4]

no..not at all..he never stops eating, sleeps fine, plays well with others..NOW...and goes to the bathroom well..he is healthy and unbelievabley smart...thats why I dont understand why he is like this..and mostly with me...

[jdtm]

I wonder if  your child might be suffering from an anxiety disorder - able to cope and function around others, but releases his frustrations out on those whom he trusts the most.  Does he also have trouble sleeping or have bathroom issues?  Does he have trouble socializing with other children or making eye contact?  Is he a picky eater?  Just wondering ...