HELP!!!

[jodibugg25]

I have a 5 year old boy whom I have raised by myself most of his life. He started Kindergarten this year and has been having real behavior problems. It started getting really bad about a year ago and has progresivley gotten worse. He yells at me and my now fiance, he does not listen or follow directions in class and he hits/pushes other children. I have tried taking away things he likes, spankings and time outs and nothing seems to be working. Today he killed one of our 4 week old kittens. He was in the bedroom with the kitten and he scratched him. My son then laid on the cat. I asked him what he was thinking and he said he wanted to hurt the cat because the cat had scratched him. I am at my witts end. I am very worried about him and I do not know what else to do. He is very loved by me and his family so I do not know where tis anger is stemming from. My ex-husband (his father) was very abusive to me but my son did not see that because we were divorced when he turned 1. Can this anger be hereditery? PLEASE HELP!!!

[jodibugg25]

Thanks for the advice. He said he did not mean to kill the kitten but wanted to hurt it because the kitten scratched him. I really do appreciate your advice. None of my friends have children so they do not really know what to tell me. I do not want my child to be unhappy but yes, he does seem that way.

[specialmom]

Hi,  I wasn't suggesting that you weren't spending time with him and I'm sure you do the best you can.  The killing of an animal is concerning as he said he did it out of anger.  He is old enough to know better about this and chose to do it.  I would have said, perhaps he did it accidentally which could totally happen as sometimes kids play rough and kittens are fragile.  But he did it out of anger.  He probably didn't mean to actually kill it----  but was mad enough to hurt it.  Impulse control is the problem there (as it is with hitting and pushing.)  Lots of things affect impulse control such as immaturity (he is young) or a nervous system issue.  

My son has a mild developmental delay called sensory integration disorder that affects his nervous system. It can look like ADD/ADHD a bit in terms of behavior.  However, medication won't help it.  My son is very smart and always does better than his peers acedemically.  Delay has nothing to do with intelligence.  His nervous system and processing is off.  We focas on his nervous system by doing targeted physical activity.  Anything that uses muscle stregth or has to move his own body weight (climbing walls, monkey bars, zip lines, etc.)  We get him to run on hard surfaces, skip, leap frog, crab walk, and roll down hills.  He swings every day (extremely calming).  He chews a thick piece of bubble gum before school every day and drinks thick liquid through straws (organizing and calming.)  Get him to pull a wagon with heavy items in it, push a laundry basket across the floor (full of laundry).  Kicking a soccer ball is good, hammering is good, crawling through a thick pile of couch pillows is good.  My son has never been medicated but in addressing his sensory needs through occupational therapy and at home things such as I've mentioned, he is functioning beautifully and most would have no idea he has a delay.  

So, I wasn't suggesting that he has not been active, but I would just amp it and direct it specifically.  He needs to be evaluated as you are at your wits end and he is probably extremely unhappy.  Call his doctor or evaluate through school.  An evaluation does not mean medication nor does diagnosis of a delay.  If it is warrented, then you can consider it.  By the way, if your son does NOT have ADD/ADHD----  it would be useless to medicate him.  You'd have the same behavior plus side effects.  Good luck

[jodibugg25]

Yes he plays baseball. He is a very smart child and he gets very bored when he already knows what the teacher is trying to teach. And trust me, I try to spend as much time with him as possible. I work a lot but my fiance is here with him. He also spends alot of time with him. I am against medicating him but I am almost to that point now. I just can not take anymore of the bad behavior. I encourage him to be strong willed but not disrespective and not harmful.

[specialmom]

Has the school approached you about an evaluation as to developmental delays, mental health, etc?  In our school district, they do it for every child in kindergarten to start any early intervention that may be needed.  But certainly with your son's behavior, the couselor will be involved and an evaluation will be suggested.  I would approach that with an open mind.  He sounds like a boy that could benefit from major physical activity. Do you have any sports that he plays? I would suggest an instructional league of some sort--  I would also channel his energy (anger) outside at parks.  Get him running, climbing, jumping and swinging.  He may need a little more structured time WITH you at home---- board games, reading time, etc.  I would reconsider having pets.  You don't want a repeat of the kitten incident.  Never ever leave him unattended with animals or younger children at this point.  Seek help either from  your school system or his doctor.  Good luck.