Aa
Not sure if it's ADHD
My son is four, about to turn five in February. Wife got pregnant with twins, when he was 3 turning 4, very tough pregnancy for my wife. Twins were born in December 2010, my son turns five in February 2011. When my wife was on bed rest, I had to change his school to Goddard and some behaviors began to develop. He was running, not listening, and hiting, kicking, and biting (right about 4 y/o). Goddard had placed him in Pre-K, when he should have been in Pre-school. Didn't think it was a big deal at the time, but I was mistaken. Now we moved him out of the Goddard for a Catholic Pre-School, b/c we thought, lets try some structure. Well, no room in pre-school, Pre-K again. Met with the teacher, who assured me she would spend extra time with him. Twins had arrived, no issues. Then he started hitting the teacher and throwing things. Well I scheduled an appointment with Childrens Hospital of Philadelphia. They tell me to have some tests done, including hearing. Have the hearing test done and he fails. See an ENT and his adenoid had grown into his nasal cavity, caused lack of sleep, snoring. Had it removed, behavior began to get better. Met with the local intermediate unit as we wanted to get him some services b/c he's behind socially. We enroll him in a mainstream pre school program with Autistic, ADHD, and run of the mill four year olds. Now for the past 6 months he's learning, asking questions, tracing, and doing a lot of what he had problems with. However, he is very energetic and always trying to get attention. Whenever he does somthing wrong, we try to ignore him, you can see him looking for our response. Well the behaviors began going away, now he's starting again after 7 months, temper tantrums throwing & kicking when he doesn't get his way. My question is this, we've had so much improvement, now we're falling backwards a bit. He is on the more energetic side, he pays attention to what he wants to do, but then when not interested begins to fall off, is this ADHD? Or is he within the normal range of behaviors, just a bit more difficult? He's worked through a lot?
Hearing is 100 percent better, doctor said it was one of the largest adenoids he'd ever seen, it grew into his nasal cavity. I monitored him for a week after the initial consult with the ENT with a baby monitor, he was really sawing wood when he slept, a lot of mouth breathing. Worst two weeks we had was after the surgery but well worth it. I like the book idea, and I've always told the school that they need to address school issues at school and I would address home issues at home the in similar consistent ways. Setting limits and boundaries.
COMMUNITY LEADER
First, I am glad to hear that you are reading to him. He is at an age when it is extremely important to do so (and not just for the one on one time). In fact, I feel that reading is so important that getting new books should not be a reward. It is something you are doing to help him become a life long reader. More about rewards later.
But more importantly the books I recommended are to give him ways to deal with anger, disappointment, etc. Not only do they give him methods, they also give him a way to communicate - and that is highly important. The fact that he has a cool down place at home and at school (and apparently effectively uses it), is a big deal! And a fairly mature thing to do.
I've got a feeling that being the 3 year old with 5 year olds does explain a lot. Not only did he learn from them, but he was probably also ignored by them and had to learn other attention getting ways. Got a feeling that he is in a much better place now and his behavior is changing because of that. You might also want to get the book, "Talk and work it out" It can be found here - http://www.amazon.com/Talk-Work-Out-Learning-Along/dp/1575421763/ref=pd_sim_b_1
I think that as he learns to deal with his anger and it seems like he wants to, the situation will change in school. If so you should be seeing a gradual improvement. Just remember that learned behavior does not change over night. So make sure at home that you practice (even role play) things he can do at school to prevent these tantrums. And of course this will help at home too.
Just noticed you said he failed his hearing test. Has that gotten better since his surgery? Trouble hearing in a school setting can lead to a variety of problems.
I really like the idea that you are trying to make him feel important as the big brother. His teacher might find that making him a "helper" sometimes would also be beneficial.
And finally, he is too young to either reward or punish him for something he did at school. For behavioral change to happen at this age, the reward or punishment must be immediate and consistent. And the experts say it can take almost 3 weeks of this reinforcement to effect a change in behavior. Frankly, he needs to feel good about coming home. Not getting smiley faces, and then possibly dreading coming home after a rough day at school is not fair to a 4/5 year old. When he is about 10, its a whole different matter. Talk about his school day. Praise him if he gets smiley faces. If he doesn't - talk about it briefly (perhaps briefly problem solve it) and move on. As a school principal I was always upset if my primary grade teachers made the kids take home daily "smiley faces". Certainly, it was important to have some kind of immediate reinforcement in class. But I always felt it amounted to some kind of torture to make them take it home since it couldn't help the situation. Sorry, got off on a rant there.
Anyway, am curious about the hearing. That is important. Keep making him feel important and paying attention to him. Work with him on how to handle his anger or disappointments. Oh, kids of his age do have high levels of activity and the more he gets to move around, the better he will be. Hopefully, the school has plenty of play time (and doesn't punish kids by not letting them go to recess). Hope this helps. Best wishes.
But more importantly the books I recommended are to give him ways to deal with anger, disappointment, etc. Not only do they give him methods, they also give him a way to communicate - and that is highly important. The fact that he has a cool down place at home and at school (and apparently effectively uses it), is a big deal! And a fairly mature thing to do.
I've got a feeling that being the 3 year old with 5 year olds does explain a lot. Not only did he learn from them, but he was probably also ignored by them and had to learn other attention getting ways. Got a feeling that he is in a much better place now and his behavior is changing because of that. You might also want to get the book, "Talk and work it out" It can be found here - http://www.amazon.com/Talk-Work-Out-Learning-Along/dp/1575421763/ref=pd_sim_b_1
I think that as he learns to deal with his anger and it seems like he wants to, the situation will change in school. If so you should be seeing a gradual improvement. Just remember that learned behavior does not change over night. So make sure at home that you practice (even role play) things he can do at school to prevent these tantrums. And of course this will help at home too.
Just noticed you said he failed his hearing test. Has that gotten better since his surgery? Trouble hearing in a school setting can lead to a variety of problems.
I really like the idea that you are trying to make him feel important as the big brother. His teacher might find that making him a "helper" sometimes would also be beneficial.
And finally, he is too young to either reward or punish him for something he did at school. For behavioral change to happen at this age, the reward or punishment must be immediate and consistent. And the experts say it can take almost 3 weeks of this reinforcement to effect a change in behavior. Frankly, he needs to feel good about coming home. Not getting smiley faces, and then possibly dreading coming home after a rough day at school is not fair to a 4/5 year old. When he is about 10, its a whole different matter. Talk about his school day. Praise him if he gets smiley faces. If he doesn't - talk about it briefly (perhaps briefly problem solve it) and move on. As a school principal I was always upset if my primary grade teachers made the kids take home daily "smiley faces". Certainly, it was important to have some kind of immediate reinforcement in class. But I always felt it amounted to some kind of torture to make them take it home since it couldn't help the situation. Sorry, got off on a rant there.
Anyway, am curious about the hearing. That is important. Keep making him feel important and paying attention to him. Work with him on how to handle his anger or disappointments. Oh, kids of his age do have high levels of activity and the more he gets to move around, the better he will be. Hopefully, the school has plenty of play time (and doesn't punish kids by not letting them go to recess). Hope this helps. Best wishes.
You are abosolutely correct, the twins just got mobile in about the past 60 days, his little brother likes his trucks. We've seen a spike at home, and I've promised him a new book everyday he gets all smiley faces at school. We read "old" books when he doesn't earn a new one. I read a book called the Katzman method, and we've been trying to make him feel important as the big brother and recognize positive behavior. We've had a minor uptick at school, teacher still feels the only problem is the tantrums, otherwise he's in a normal range of behaviors. Very attention seeking and boundary checking. I wanted to say, I do appreciate the post before this one, but we had him evaluated at school and they still think it's a social delay. Which I believe can go to all the issues discussed above. Just worried that the high energy was a sign of adhd, guess I was discouraged lately. He made a cool down place at school, and uses the bathroom to cool down at home. If he gets to unruly, we send him to his room to calm down. In about three to four minutes he yells down to us that he's calm. We do have a little more happening at school, it appears when the classroom behavior breaks down, Gregory goes into his mode. I would appreciate hearing what post you have about school. They had him in with 5 year olds when he was 3 in Goddard the Catholic School I was speaking about. Now he's in with his own age group, has made friends. I really appreciate the very supportive posts.
COMMUNITY LEADER
First congratulations on having the wisdom to get him checked out with an ENT. Lots of studies have shown that lack of sleep leads to very ADHD characteristics. This could have gone on for a long time, without being treated, so good job!
You say, " My question is this, we've had so much improvement, now we're falling backwards a bit." My guess is that your twins are now almost one. They have gone from sleeping or not moving much during the day, to taking a lot more of your attention. I've got a feeling that he is now competing for that attention. What I am not sure of - is this behavior of his now only at home or also at school? If it is mainly at home - then the problem is more of a competition for attention. And that would be perfectly normal. For over a year - probably more like a year and a half since it was a difficult pregnancy - he has not been getting the attention that he once got. Nobody's fault. So what do you do - if its only happening mainly at home. Well, one thing is to pay him more attention. A easy and very productive way is to buy a wonderful set of books aimed at the 4 to 7 year old kid. Read them to him every night. The books will give him better ways to control himself and also give you ways to talk to him about his control - and its a great one on one time. A good start would probably be "cool down and work through anger". It can be found here - http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_3
If you then scroll down you will see other very helpful titles and each one you click on will lead to other choices.
And of course, he also has to know that there are consequences for his choices. Love and logic (google it) is a great book. I also recommend "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark, which uses the timeout system.
Specialmoms ideas for play are also a great way to give more time to him. And, of course, if the problem is also happening at school - then I have another very long post to add to this. But what specialmom says is definitely worth paying attention too. Best wishes!
You say, " My question is this, we've had so much improvement, now we're falling backwards a bit." My guess is that your twins are now almost one. They have gone from sleeping or not moving much during the day, to taking a lot more of your attention. I've got a feeling that he is now competing for that attention. What I am not sure of - is this behavior of his now only at home or also at school? If it is mainly at home - then the problem is more of a competition for attention. And that would be perfectly normal. For over a year - probably more like a year and a half since it was a difficult pregnancy - he has not been getting the attention that he once got. Nobody's fault. So what do you do - if its only happening mainly at home. Well, one thing is to pay him more attention. A easy and very productive way is to buy a wonderful set of books aimed at the 4 to 7 year old kid. Read them to him every night. The books will give him better ways to control himself and also give you ways to talk to him about his control - and its a great one on one time. A good start would probably be "cool down and work through anger". It can be found here - http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_3
If you then scroll down you will see other very helpful titles and each one you click on will lead to other choices.
And of course, he also has to know that there are consequences for his choices. Love and logic (google it) is a great book. I also recommend "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark, which uses the timeout system.
Specialmoms ideas for play are also a great way to give more time to him. And, of course, if the problem is also happening at school - then I have another very long post to add to this. But what specialmom says is definitely worth paying attention too. Best wishes!
Hi there. I have a couple of questions for you----- first of all, he is 5-- so pre-K seems like the right class for him. I know that my boys started kindergarten, both of them, at 5 and turned 6 during the school year. Perhaps you are holding them back from kindergarten, but I had thought pre K was really just the name for preschool prior to starting kindergarten. So, I'm trying to see what your thought process is on that and why pre K is bad.
I will tell you that I have a VERY energetic son and he displayed symptoms that could have easily been confused with adhd. He, however, has something called sensory integration disorder. They can look similar but are handled quite differently. Both involve the nervous system and with sensory, it includes how a child processes information and relates to their environment. My son had a really hard time in preschool. While he had his moments at home, it was outside of the home that things seemed worse. Also, things like birthday parties or family events where he was excited or overstimulated would be times when symptoms would really surface. He had "fight or flight" responses to things which is a base level reaction. He'd flee the room or 'fight' in some way. He'd knock over other kid's block structures. He didn't cooperate with teachers. He had extreme reactions to things that really didn't make sense. He avoided certain things such as coloring (fine motor things were harder for him so he chose to just not do it) and sometimes would wander the room. These are all sensory symptoms. He didn't want to sit for circle time. He had trouble with peers. Really------- it was so hard for me because he was a smart, beautiful little boy and I just didn't understand what was going on. He was evaluated by an occupational therapist and we then started occupational therapy to treat him. Therapy involves working directly on the nervous system to calm and regulate it. They use all of these swings and climbing structures, big pillows, etc. to provide input into the nervous system. They also worked on behavioral strategies both for me to use with him and for him to use on himself (the ultimate goal----- a child learns to manage their own behavior and cope). They also worked on things like hand writing.
For us, this was the golden ticket. Our son is doing really great and we have not had an outburst in school in over a year or more. He is 7 and in second grade.
My suggestion is to look into sensory integration as well as adhd because the way you treat them is different. Sometimes both can exist as well and you want to make sure you handle any sensory issues a child has.
Now my sensory kid has a little brother that is just a super energetic kid. He can seem hyper and he can be a little difficult to manage at home at times as he is spirited. But . .. he has never had a bad day at school in his whole life. Energy is one thing----- violent and and routinely disruptive behavior is another. That falls outside of normal and you are very wise to try and find the root cause.
Things you can do at home whether it is sensory or adhd are to increase his physical activity. There is a web site I like called "Sensory Processing Disorder" or "SPD" and you can go there and read about it. Then check out on that site the page called "heavy work". These are things you can do that specifically target the nervous system to give it input and calm it. Things like jumping on a trampoline, etc. are there. Go to parks and have him hang from monkey bars, swing, run, climb, etc. All great to soothe the nervous system. Swimming is the perfect exercise for the nervous system with its combination of deep pressure and resistance. Michael Phelps is a famous guy with adhd------- it is not ironic that swimming was such a huge part of his life. I'm sure it helped him maintain himself.
Anyway, good luck. They can do amazing things to help kids these days! Be your son's advocate and you will see good things start to happen.
I will tell you that I have a VERY energetic son and he displayed symptoms that could have easily been confused with adhd. He, however, has something called sensory integration disorder. They can look similar but are handled quite differently. Both involve the nervous system and with sensory, it includes how a child processes information and relates to their environment. My son had a really hard time in preschool. While he had his moments at home, it was outside of the home that things seemed worse. Also, things like birthday parties or family events where he was excited or overstimulated would be times when symptoms would really surface. He had "fight or flight" responses to things which is a base level reaction. He'd flee the room or 'fight' in some way. He'd knock over other kid's block structures. He didn't cooperate with teachers. He had extreme reactions to things that really didn't make sense. He avoided certain things such as coloring (fine motor things were harder for him so he chose to just not do it) and sometimes would wander the room. These are all sensory symptoms. He didn't want to sit for circle time. He had trouble with peers. Really------- it was so hard for me because he was a smart, beautiful little boy and I just didn't understand what was going on. He was evaluated by an occupational therapist and we then started occupational therapy to treat him. Therapy involves working directly on the nervous system to calm and regulate it. They use all of these swings and climbing structures, big pillows, etc. to provide input into the nervous system. They also worked on behavioral strategies both for me to use with him and for him to use on himself (the ultimate goal----- a child learns to manage their own behavior and cope). They also worked on things like hand writing.
For us, this was the golden ticket. Our son is doing really great and we have not had an outburst in school in over a year or more. He is 7 and in second grade.
My suggestion is to look into sensory integration as well as adhd because the way you treat them is different. Sometimes both can exist as well and you want to make sure you handle any sensory issues a child has.
Now my sensory kid has a little brother that is just a super energetic kid. He can seem hyper and he can be a little difficult to manage at home at times as he is spirited. But . .. he has never had a bad day at school in his whole life. Energy is one thing----- violent and and routinely disruptive behavior is another. That falls outside of normal and you are very wise to try and find the root cause.
Things you can do at home whether it is sensory or adhd are to increase his physical activity. There is a web site I like called "Sensory Processing Disorder" or "SPD" and you can go there and read about it. Then check out on that site the page called "heavy work". These are things you can do that specifically target the nervous system to give it input and calm it. Things like jumping on a trampoline, etc. are there. Go to parks and have him hang from monkey bars, swing, run, climb, etc. All great to soothe the nervous system. Swimming is the perfect exercise for the nervous system with its combination of deep pressure and resistance. Michael Phelps is a famous guy with adhd------- it is not ironic that swimming was such a huge part of his life. I'm sure it helped him maintain himself.
Anyway, good luck. They can do amazing things to help kids these days! Be your son's advocate and you will see good things start to happen.
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