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Step Son has been peeing in anything he has available in his room. Soda can, old McDonald cups. Water bottles , milk jugs. Then he keeps them in his room. Never throwing any of them in his room,away.I've gone in there before,just to get rid of the open containers of uriane. The smell gets over welding.
The times I've done that, he has gotten violent with me. Saying to stay the F- out of his room. I have no right going in there. I have not said nothing to him about him doing this. I've asked my wife what she thinks we should do. Her answer is loving it out of him. Keep still. This has gone on for a year. Nothing has changed.
Not sure what to do here? If I say something to him,I'm in trouble. I say something to my wife, I am in trouble again.
I think he needs some kind of help.
He came to us over 11 years ago. We were to take care of he and his brother until their mother got out of prison. She never came back to give them.  We adopted both he and his brother. Both of them have other issues. To many to list.
My wife lives under the blanket,that this will pass. We keep our mouth shut. I'm not loving them enough.
I do love them
This is way beyond love.
Any suggestions? Other then me leaving this home. That's is what most people tell me to do.
1 Responses
189897 tn?1441126518
It really would help to know how old he is.  I know that he is probably at least 12? but probably much older.  Reason that is important is that if he is over 18, not a lot that you can do but stay out of his room and buy lots of those nice smelling things to put in the hallway.  And frankly, if the peeing is the only thing bugging you...it could be a lot worse.   And there are containers that you can get that are more sanitary then cups, etc and at least have lids on them.
  On the other hand.  It is unusual.  Things like this usually happen because of infections (uti's) or things like adhd where the kid gets so preoccupied that they forget to pee.   So if he is under 18, a medical exam would not hurt.  All he has to do is pee into a cup.   ADHD wise - how is he doing in school?

And finally, he has got to be doing other things that bug you.  What are they.  They might help us figure out why he is doing what he is doing.  Because, Ya, it is unusual.
He has turned 18 at the end of March. He has told me , that there isn't anything I can do. He has threatened me. He's an adult now. Even thou he is living under our roof. He's in charge. So he thinks!  There are other thing he does that bother me, but I feel it's to late.
We did adopt him. I've had counsels tell me , he has the attachment disorder.  Tried the counselers when he was younger,but never found one that worked. Or got to helping with concerns. Only seemed to make the situation worse.
He has a mind set of an engineer. He can't tell him anything he doesn't know already. He is the oldest of  4 siblings. His mom left him in the position of taking care of his 3 younger brother,and sisters.
So a lot of baggage there. I've done my best to parent him. So I feel like he has told me,there isn't anything I can do. He's smart enough to have these  out. He's smart enough to know how to pit my wife against me. For excample , he will run to her will I'm trying to,talk with him. Start crying ,and tell her that I'm picking on him. Which my wife will usually side with him,and tell me to back off. That's the degree of how smart he is.
I've felt better after sharing on here yesterday. Read some of the other concerns on here,and everyone is dealing with something.
I've got about another year with him being here,and he will be off to college. It's best I keep my mouth shut,and caring on.
I'm not giving up,but picking my battles. I believe there is hope. Also believe it's best sometimes to keep my mouth shut.
If this makes any sense!
Ya Dave, I do hear you.  In education, I always told my new teachers to pick your battles.  And yes, it is best sometimes to keep your mouth shut.  However, knowing how and when to open your mouth can also help.

So a few tips.  The first rule of parenting (of any age group) is to always be on the same page as your mate.  He can't, "Start crying ,and tell her that I'm picking on him."  if you and your wife have already agreed what your approach will be.  And if you haven't agreed....ya, then its a waste of your time.

The thing about smart kids - well, actually most people - they need choices.  Instead of saying do "this".  try doing, hey, could you maybe do this or that - your choice.  There is a great series of books called Love and Logic that work on this principal.  You and your wife might want to check them out.   This link will get you to them - https://www.loveandlogic.com/parents?cat=62
   There are several books that might help, but  "Parenting Teens with Love and Logic" would be my first choice.

And finally back to the whole peeing thing.  I would guess he gets heavily into a video game and can't take the time to go down the hall to the bathroom cause all his players will get wiped out.   Try this.  Go on amazon and search for male urinals.  They are about $6 or so for one.  Buy like 3 or 4.  they have lids.  Ask him to use these and when full, if he is too busy to pour down the toilet, just leave them outside his door and you guys can do that.  Of course, talk this over with your wife and if she can present the idea to him that would be ideal.   I know the idea sounds a bit gross, but it would be much, much better then what is going on now.  

I hope this helps.  If nothing else - I am glad you got this off your chest.  Oh, if by chance any of these things work with him - I would love to hear about it.  Best wishes.  
Ya , update on the 18 year old that uses his room as a urianal. The smell was so bad. Checked in his room. Windows shut. No ventilation. Took a look in his closet,and found over 20 bottles,and 4 milk jugs of his waste.
I had to clean it out. It was so gross.
Of course he is violatly mad, I went in there. Not even the fact he had all those containers full of his uriane.
So on the back deck are to trash bags full of his mess. I attempted to talk with my wife about it. She said I can't deal with right now,and walks away. The only thing she said, we will have to get him counseling .
Lol !
Ya !!! He's 18 years old,and he tell us how things are going to go.
My real hope is he gets mad enough,to where he moves out. My wife have been let him act like the Alfa male of the house for so long. He isn't going to be told what to do. She thinks it's  cute. My wife's answer not that is,she doesn't want to raise a weaklin.
I'm going to make an appointment for myself to a counselor,before I go over the edge.
Venting here,  Dave
Ya, Dave, I do hear you.   And counseling is a good idea.   It would be even better if you could get your wife to go with you.   I doubt that he will go to counseling and unless you want to play hard ball, you can't force him.  So counseling for you (and your wife) is even more important.
And double ya, he really does have issues....which needed to have been dealt with a while ago....but that time is past.  Is there any thing he does that is positive that can be used to build on?   Is he looking at any higher education?
Here is a little information where this young man.  Let's call him , DJ.
He is the oldest of four siblings.  Both parent had drug abuse problem. We knew them thru going to church together. Small town community,everyone know each other. His mom left , and never came back. His dad was way out of the picture. A few family came forward to help take care of the 2 brother,2 sisters.
Their mom stayed with a cousin, in the church. Then she just check out. Disappointed !
DJ said she did this often. They would be left at a drug dealer house, left to fend for themselves. DJ being the oldest, would be left being the carry giver of the younger siblings. They would see their mom , maybe 2-3 weeks later. One of the stories DJ shared with me.
I understand him being controlling. A little off balanced, so to speak.
DJ came to us , when he was 8. Finally adopting he and his brother. About 4 years ago. Of course their parents cussing us. Gave them several opertuites to take them back. Know that wouldn't be good. They flat out quit on them.
Back to your question,is there any positives?
No !
I feel he has become a servivalist. Taking care of himself. He protects his younger brother. You attempt to discipline him. He will step in between brother ,and myself. Don't you Fing yell at him.  Then he has completed right to beat ,and yell at him.
DJ is full of it. He tells you what he think you what to here. He lies, cons ,and minipulates.
He says the right things then does what he wants.
It's sad !
Wish I could plug him in to like the Matrix system. Wonderful Life angle, so he could see life really isn't that bad here. Or any where.
I could write a book here.
Tried councilors. Most of them at any good. Usually make things worse.
It is to late. Not on giving up on him, but on the age thing. I explained that to my wife last night.
I'm seeking counseling for myself. So I don't snap like a rubber band.
I'm rambling.
My parent s marriage broke while I started my junior year in high school. Thought I had it bad.
There is always someone that has it worse.
I've looked at some of the post here. Looks like a lot of sexual issues. Hopefully people are making most of them up,so they can get attention?
It's hard to know.
A lot of sadness in our world.
Thanks if you read this.
Well, about the only positive I see is that he, "protects his younger brother."  The fact that he does care is important.  It might be that somehow this concern for his younger brother might influence him to do something more for his life so he can be there for the brother?  Big stretch I know.
  One of the things I do is to recommend resources.  For you, its kind of tough.   But, you might want to check out this book.   Read the reviews from this link.   I think some of the things might apply.  More might help with the younger brother.
    The link to the book, "Parenting Teens with love and logic,"  is -  https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Teens-Love-Logic-Adolescents/dp/1576839303/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526795420&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+teen+with+love+and+logic

   And if his mom was using when she was pregnant with him, that might explain a lot...but doesn't really help now.

  Getting some help for you now is very important.  You can't keep this bottled up because that is harmful.   The only other piece of good advice I have is what I stated early on....find a way for you and your wife to be on the same page regarding him.  Just even little things will help.

  Good luck!   And I will be here.
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189897 tn?1441126518
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