Older boy lying about son, 5

[elisalan]

My 5-year-old son rides a bus home from his K-8 private school and as a kindergartner, he's the youngest on the bus. The bus driver has him sit up front. A 2nd-grade boy who has been routinely getting into trouble was moved across from my son so the driver can keep an eye on him. The boys get along well, but recently the other boy has been trying to get my son in trouble. First, he told the bus driver that my son called him the F-word. I can say, with complete honesty, that my husband and I have never used that word around our kids, of which my 5-year-old is the oldest. The only TV they watch are cartoons on Netflix. Plus, there's never been a single complaint about his behavior in preschool or kindergarten. Both my husband and I asked him what occurred (I was at work when he got off the bus) and he gave us the same story: The other boy called him stupid, my son threatened to tell on him, then the boy called him a bully, and my son said the other boy was stupid. My son wasn't even aware that the boy had accused him of saying a much worse word. The other day my son started to say something, quickly stopped himself, and said he almost said a bad word. When I asked him to tell me, he whispered, "stupid." To me, that only confirms my son's version of events, because he thinks all the fuss was about the far less offensive word. The boys were able to work things out, but a few days later, the other boy accused my son of spitting on him. My son, with teary eyes, stood with his head down as the driver explained to me what the other boy said. I had my son apologize, but as soon as we got off the bus, he got upset and said the other boy had spit on him first and keeps lying about him to the bus driver. Although my son does well academically, he's very shy and unassertive and not yet capable of defending himself. I'm worried this other boy's lies are going to escalate and now my son says he doesn't want to ride the bus anymore. Should I take him off the bus until he's older?

[elisalan]

I agree that I may be overreacting, especially since this is my first child in school and he is the youngest and smallest boy in his class. I just worry that my son may pick up negative behavior from the older boy. I hope I didn't imply that my son is an angel, since he definitely misbehaves at home, but is usually very compliant with other authority figures. The bus driver (who is elderly) told me he did not hear my son say any bad words or see my son misbehave, and said he had trouble believing it based on my son's usual behavior on the bus. I just don't want my son, who is not yet manipulative or precocious, to pick up any bad habits (i.e., lying about friends to the teacher). In truth, I think the bus driver may be what triggered this because he has repeatedly said to me, in front of the other boy, that my son is well-behaved and that the other boy is close to getting kicked off the bus. That would have to be hurtful to hear and that little boy may just be seeking some positive attention. I also agree that I can never know for sure what my son is saying when I'm not around, but I've heard him say plenty of things to his siblings ("poop butt," "bad girl" to name a few), and none have come close to being swear words.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

My apology for the spelling errors.

It seems to me that you are overreacting to this relatively petty behavior. The driver has eyes and ears and will know what is occurring. As an aside, while it may be true that your son is not exposed to obscene language at home, children hear things in other places as well. This is just a reminder to be careful about assuring yourself that your son would never say this or that. The truth is, we don't know for sure.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It seems to me that you are overreacting to this relatively petty behavior. The driver has eyes and ears and will know what is occurring. As an aside, while it may be true that your son is not exposed to obscene languahe at home, children hear things in other places as well. This is just a reminder to be careful about assuring yourself that your son woul never saybthis or that. The truth is, we don't know for sure.