Alice, you are grossly overreacting. I was waiting to get to the end of the post and to find out she had put your dog in the oven or drowned a neighbor's baby. This is a 6 year old whose mom has rejected her, and she's pining for her all the time. Which is normal and healthy and connected. That's what well children do when their moms reject them.
I am really dismayed to read you said she was "kissing butt" when she was saying she wants you to be her real mom.
Here's what she's going through. At the age of 6, children are very concerned with making sure they are safe. They are completely dependent on adults for their food and shelter and emotional connection. Her mother has rejected her completely, and she's trying to build a bridge so that she has you and her father to provide her needs. That's not "kissing butt", Alice.
Who knows what happened with the conditioner. My best guess is, she know you overreact badly, and thought you'd be mad at her if she generously gave the conditioner bottle away to her great grandmother, so she pretended she didn't know where it was.
If you intend to stay married to her father, I'd very strongly suggest you take a class in parenting and child development. Your reaction to this child is very off the mark and is really distressing to read.
I think she did it for attention and perhaps to feel some control. Not a big deal at all especially considering the fact that her Mom is gone. She probably wants attention and to feel control. Please don't play with her emotions, if you love her, then love her unconditionally. This little thing should not be a big deal.
At that exact age, for the first time in my life, I lied to my mother. I had no 'excuse' I had a wonderful childhood. But I didn't want her to tell me no. So I was really sweet to her all day then made up some story about nothing important, but it was to mensure at the time. I was all la-de-da about everything. Then she sat me down, told me that she knew I had lied. she knew I just didn't want her to say no. She read me scriptures from the Bible about Satan being the father of the lie and the importance of being obedient to my parents. By reasoning with me out of love, and through the bible, I was so ashamed but I still knew she loved me. I never lied to her again, I was quite convensed that she could see a lie a mile away. One of her favorite sayings was ' don't make a mountain out of a mole hill' remember u don't care about the conditioner, u care about her, and her actions. Praise her for being so generous, u are proud to have such a loving and caring step daughter. That being said, she should never feel like she needs to tell u a 'story' remind her that u know both of u are going to make mistakes, it's ok. Just remind yourself, is this worth fighting about? If I would have agreed to it anyways, why should I fight now? I also felt like bible study has always been an important part of our family, know someone greater then you is looking in ur heart for all the good u do, but also notices my mistakes helped me to make better decisions growing up. Sorry to write so much. I talk a lot too, lol!
I don't know why it turned some of my letters into numbers, so sorry. The saying was Don't make a mountain over a mole hill. Is it really important enough to fight over or can u just let it go.sorry again about the long message!
It really not that bad she trying to get on your good side and lets be honest shes 6YEARS old. Why are you mad at a 6 year old for asking for conditioner, yes it was for attention, but shes SIX. When my parents were going threw a divorce when I was a lot younger I met my stepmother when I was six. My twin sister ran up to her and said I want you to be my mommy. We both love and adore our mother, but when we were six we didnt know any better. We just knew that our dad loved her. So you need to stop overreacting.
I honestly cannot fathom not wanting to be around a six year-old child because they lied about a shampoo bottle. The fact that this is a huge ordeal to you is questionable and quite concerning; more concerning than her actions. What she did was obviously wrong, but your reaction is over the top. Maybe you should take some time to reflect on whether or not you have the maturity and capacity to take part in a parental role in this little girls life.