I really think our generation believes that raising a child with no adversity, no difficult times, no self-shame for poor behaviors is the best thing - but I've strongly come to believe we're raising children incapable of dealing with life. Moving a clip to a different color as a punishment is the mildest punishment you can endure - it's no different than saying "cut that out". Children of prior generations were dealt with MUCH harshly, and they were members of "the greatest generation".
It's wonderful that your daughter has now learned to control her behavior - she's maturing and learning. And she needs to further mature, and learn to quietly move her clip from green to yellow if she's broken a rule - as long as she isn't being singled out for punishment when many others are doing worse stuff.
Kids who are allowed to struggle do best - they learn to strive and endure.
But I do understand the desire for her to never have unpleasant days, I really do, because I was that way too. And it was a mistake.
I went to your profile to see if your state is listed, but didn't see one. in Texas (or at least my school district) a school can't call a parent mid-day just because they've had about enough of that child's naughtiness for the day and she needs to go. Suspension from elementary school is a long, protracted process (or the result of an acute criminal act) and there are no policies for schools to call a parent to come get that parent because she's misbehaving.
Although I have seen it on this board. I'm just not at all familiar with it in life - and yes, it does seem to make the child feel that she can get to go home if she just acts up a bit.
I was responding to the first line of your post, which I consider the "topic sentence", and wanted to address it.
I have been in education for over 40 years now in a variety of postions (see my profile). Never really been a fan of the "color" system. But, it is a system that because of the graduated warnings it may work for many kids. The problem is that for a child with ADHD, or ODD, it is a form of torture, because it simply will not, cannot work. Having said that. It is also the system that your district uses and is not going to change.
And in many respects, the color system is not the problem. The problem is how they work to help your child. That is what to concentrate on. Being the CL on the ADHD forum also, this is something that we deal with a lot. I have included some links that you may find helpful.
The first is how to deal with ODD kids - http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/26/slide-1.html?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=October
The second one is very good and deals with both ADHD and ODD and how to tell the difference. "If a child does start to become defiant, there is an easy way to tell whether that behavior is a consequence of ADHD or is a sign of ODD. "ADHD isn't a problem with starting a task, it's a problem with finishing a task," says Russell Barkley, Ph.D., a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Medical University of South Carolina. "If a child can’t start a task, that's ODD." That link is - http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/9868.html?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=July
Finally, a third link on identifying ADHD. This is important because, "Before tackling a child's ODD, it is important that his ADHD be controlled. "When we reduce a child’s hyperactivity, impulsiveness, and inattention, perhaps through medication, we see simultaneous improvement in oppositional behavior," From the link given above. So knowing if your child also has ADHD is very important. This link is http://www.livescience.com/22362-adhd-symptoms-guide.html
Hope this helps you help him.
Punishment is the best remedy for bad behavior like put her on timeout for instance (if you use belts and stuff for punishment that is fine, i didn't get belts as punishment till i was older but if you do not use that form of punishment here are alternatives). If my parents didn't think the offense was that big of a deal they would make me stand up at a wall for a certain amount of time then they would talk to me about what i did wrong and not to do it again then they would either send me to my bed or let me watch tv, (depends if i was already in trouble before, if i was already in trouble they would send me to bed but if i had just did something wrong once they would let me watch tv) but punishment is a MUST in order for her to learn that misbehaving is not okay.
If she is just talking too much maybe make her stand up for a little bit like 10 minutes, just make sure she knows that talking when not supposed to is not good behavior, but overall my point is PUNISHMENT, if she does better her reward is no punishment because i never got rewarded for behaving good due to the fact that behaving good was what i was supposed to be doing anyway, but if she does extra, like get all greens then she gets a dollar to spend anywhere, just small prizes, 5 skittles or something (as i a child i would've loved to get 5 skittles as a reward), so yeah i hope i helped you.
Unfortunately Ruby what worked for you may not work for other children. This is especially true if the child has ADHD or ODD. It is a whole different ball game. But, thanks for your comments. Oh, I prefer to call it consequences rather then punishment.
It sounds like you have been through a lot.
You know your child best and can tell the color system does not work.
I would as your daughter to be part of the solution. Explain every child in the class has the same behavior standards. What would she think is fair when she breaks a rule or standard? Then I would have a meeting with you and your daughter and the teacher and discuss what system you can implement.
It's interesting they identified her as ODD but she has no issues at home with you in a position of authority. In my experience kids with ODD struggle with almost all forms of authority handing down discipline or guidance.
How do you discipline her at home? I personally use positive parenting techniques in which we talk about the behavior, why it is bad and make a plan and consequence together.
She does sound slightly perfectionist, like she internalizes any mistake as a personal failure.
I would consider celebrating failure as something to learn from not to be afraid of.
Finally why is her behavior so different in a school setting? Does she get overstimulated in a sensory way?
The school should never label her as a bad child and expect bad behavior from her. They should expect she can succeed, because she can! That is what I would fight against.