Preschooler manipulates own nipples

[wolfpackmama]

My 3 1/2 year old daughter has developed the habit of rubbing, pinching and pulling on her own nipples. She started this when she turned 3, and also does a sucking motion with her tongue at the same time. She never took a pacifier, or carried around a favorite animal or blanket, so I think it's a self-comforting thing but I'm not sure. We also moved out of state around this time, and it may be in response to that. she does it frequently during the day, at home and at preschool, and when going to sleep. She can be distracted with toys, activities and playing with other children. She doesn't exhibit any other signs of turning inward, and it doesn't seem to hurt her. I've tried explaining that her nipples are a private part of her body, not for other people to see or for her to touch in front of other people. I do not yell at her. Her father has been telling her that they will fall off, and that other kids will make fun of her. Her school has approached me that they are afraid she's pulling so hard she will hurt herself, although they are generally okay with her behavior otherwise. What can we do to help her to stop?

[AnnieBrooke]

I think it's a comfort behavior also.  (Just be glad she's not fondling her privates, like little boys sometimes do for comfort.)

I'd try to give her an alternate comfort thing, such as a really tactile toy, to hold and fondle and tweak.  It's tough, I know, to watch a toddler do stuff like that, and keep one's thoughts level and not rush to fears that it is all about sex or whatever.  But it really just sounds like it is just a habit or tic, to which the less adult attention paid the better if you don't want to nail it in.  Tell your husband to stop with the yuk-yuk jokes that they will fall off and the threats that the other kids won't like her.  

One woman on this site wrote about obsessively rubbing her upper lip to self-soothe, as a little child.  My son finds a skin tag on the inside of my arm and tweaks and rubs it when I'm cuddling him.  (Boy, does that bug me.  It's no fun having your skin tag pulled on!)  Like with any other mannerism or behavior we want our kids to stop doing (like speech repetitions or drawing out vowels oddly) the usual advice is to not react to it, because reacting will just make the kid more anxious rather than less.

I did see the other day the interesting advice that the only way to break a bad habit is to create a new habit, and if that is so, the corollary would be that it has to be a more appealing habit than the old one.  So the toy would have to be really tactile and interesting to work as a substitute for her nipples, which are always handy.  Maybe you could come up with something like her rubbing the inside of her wrist, instead, and then ask her (when she's home with you and you notice her doing it) in a mild, almost disinterested voice "Would you mind rubbing your wrist instead, honey?"  It might work.

Good luck!  

[Liquid4444]

Has your daughter been breast fed?