Question about how to work with babysitter

[benjimom]

My son had a rough ride home from teh babysitter's last night, he was very tired and she was going to take out another family's dog after she dropped him off and he wanted to go, but he needs to get home and get settled down for bed.  She seems like she gets really angry with me for his behavior. I got him home nad it took me a little while to finally get him calmed down and asleep.  She makes comments that he is "always out of control", but then other times says he is doing well and acts better than another child she watches now.  Then she makes comments that I "reward him for bad behavior by taking him places, etc.   Typically if he ats bad I don't take him places or he does not get a toy, etc.  But I also try to keep him very active as he has SPD nad the increased activity really helps him behave better.

He has started back to school now and she does before/after school care.  She said I need to start paking him lunch everyday because the school food has stuff in it that causes him to act bad.  But I don't agree with that.  I told her he is probably tired after school and a lot of kids let loose after school.  I would pack his lunch, but he prefers to buy and will not most likely eat what I pack therefore wasting a lot of food/money/time.  I do pack nutrtitious snacks for him.  I try to keep artificial colors out of his diet.  

At her house he is not as active as at mine.  She is taking care of two other girls now and one whines a lot.  I wonder if it is a lot of stimulation for him.

He is doing well in school.

Some opininons. I just hate feeling like someone is mad at me, I have only so much control honestly and I'm a single mom, I honestly do the best I can.  It's really tough!!!  I feel like I can't do anything well.  

[mammo]

I agree with the last post, this is not a good situation for your child.  If she shows anger when you're around, you have to ownder how she acts when you're not!  What he eats is your decision, not hers.  I don't understand her rewarding him for bad behavior, this is not only wrong but he is getting mixed signals here.  There are much better alternatives and I'd find one quickly.  Good luck and take care.

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd consider a different after-school care setup.  There is a place in our neighborhood that is more professional than just an in-home situation, and they do after-school care including pickup of the kids, for up to grade 6!  The good thing is, they have a big playground so the kids can go out and blow off steam after school.  You might check into something like that.  I don't think the after-school care is as expensive as some of those places for toddlers who watch them all day.  

The reason I suggest a change is not to get him to a more professionally-run place (though if you can, I would), but because once a relationship between a kid and a sitter goes south, when she is labelling him and so on, it's pretty hard to change it.  Comments like "he's always out of control" suggests she'll see him through that filter and her actions will be based on that assumption even when something else might be going on and a different approach would work better.  I'd try to find a way to make a change.