Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

School Issues- Kindergarten

My son is 5 years old. For the last few years we have noticed an array of different behavior problems. They have ranged from inability to focus, hyperactivity, aggression, preference of being around adults instead of children and so on. The first thought was ADHD...but after two years of working hard with him...ADHD does not seem to fit. I have researched anxiety disorders, dyslexia, oppositional defiant disorder, autism and so on. Nothing seems to fit just right.
So here is what we are currently facing...
At home my son has improved tremendously. His hyperactivity has died down and he seems more like a typical 5 year old boy. He generally listens on the first try or at least by the second. If he is tired...it could take five times or more. He is sweet...caring...affectionate...thoughtful...very attentive...overall a fun loving kid. As long as he is around adults...this is the behavior he shows. Most the comments we receive are...what a well behaved lovable boy. He shows little to no aggression...never uses bad words...is clear on what is right from wrong.
At school...he seems to be a completely different child. Since day one we have had issues. What started as a concern with him sitting quietly or participating with other children quickly developed into much more serious concerns. According to his teacher and the staff at the school my son show's aggression (hitting, kicking), he says bad words, treats kids poorly (name calling, destroying their papers), isolates himself, wont participate...it goes on and on.
We have met with the school many times...my son has been sent to the principals office countless times...he has been suspended once. We have a big meeting coming up soon to evaluate him for special ed. The teacher is stating she feels my son will fail Kindergarten because he is not academically up to standards. However, I work with my son twice a day on homework and he is academically "average" in reading/writing and advanced in mathematics and language/communication. He can relate to and understand adult concepts. His memory is outstanding...he remembers things from when he was two that even I forgot. He asks lots of questions and unlike typical children doesnt accept the basic answer...he digs deeper. My son is very aware that he is treated different at school and on the bus...he states this makes him sad. When asked if he likes school...he states he likes/misses his teacher but not the other children. The moment he walks to the school bus...his whole demeanor changes.
What I know to be true is this...my son acts very differently at home vs at school...he has always preferred adults/older children over children his own age...I have witnessed this "poor" behavior the school speaks of when he is around children of his own age or children who are more active/unruly and he does require more focused attention to stay on track and behave (not an independent worker). One last thing...I have noticed that school has greatly influenced his self confidence/worth...he has come home saying he is stupid or ugly and wants a new face. Things he heard at school.
Oh...one more thing...he does know right from wrong...he shows accurate emotions when he has done something wrong...shows remorse...guilt...sadness...
Sorry this was so long...but I am desperate for some answers. For years everyone has "guessed" at what could be the problem...we have tried hundreds of things with him...I want something concrete. I refuse to let my son fail kindergarten...he is smart...gifted I believe...socially/emotionally maybe immature...but too smart to be held back.
Help anyone...ideas....please!
102 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
First of all, I am a teacher with experience in grades K-3, and the first thing I have to ask is, why would you want a 504 for a child in Kindergarten?  That is way too soon.  Furthermore, the teacher is correct: if all students are being assessed and your child does not respond appropriately to the questions, that's a problem.  Teachers do NOT like tests at all, and we are forced to administer them by the higher-ups.  They are the ones who decide HOW and WHEN these assessments will be administered.  Furthermore, I highly doubt that anyone has called your son "stupid," which seems an odd choice of words for a young child; usually that is an unacceptable word at the age of five.  However, if he prefers the company of adults, he may have picked up a few terms from them.  This does not imply any wrong-doing; it is just a fact that some words adults use are not heard in the everyday vernacular of very young child.
Moreover, we are talking about public school.  While everyone is entitled to a free education, you get what you pay for, and special needs are not always handled in the most effective way when the issues are related to UNCOMMON disabilities.  Most of the resources are spent on assessments, paperwork, and compliance with laws.  And yes, your child is not the only one in the class; there are probably 20 more children at least  who are also supposed to meet the expectations, and most do.  I would advise you go the private route and pay for top-quality specialists.  I gave up trying to secure speech services for my own son; uphill battle for less-than-stellar therapy was my final thought. So I have been on both ends of the deal, as a parent and as a teacher.  Good luck
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
Well said SM!

I totally disagree that children are not at an "academic learning age" until 7.  In the right setting, with brief periods of instruction, young children learn wonderfully.  I was truly astounded and amazed at the learning my son did in preschool.  Children start learning from birth.  My son is eight and I'd say that the majority of the BASIC skills he's learned (math, reading, writing) happened in pre-K and kindergarten.

Also, let's face it, there are good schools and bad schools out there, both public and private.  It's important for parents to do THEIR homework about their local schools to choose what THEY feel is best for their child, which is going to vary from child to child tremendously.

I just think it's painting with a broad brush to discount all public schools.  
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
peace, actually kids start kindergarten at 5 years with a few 6 year olds.  It has been fine for both of my children entering kindergarten at 5.  Both learned to read, did math, etc.  Math usually includes things like rolling dice and adding up the numbers.  Most  kindergarten classes aren't set up where there are desks and things like that.  It seems like you haven't been in a classroom either in a long time or at all.

By first grade when kids are 6 to 7, most sit just fine at their tables and desks.  I have a child with sensory integration disorder and he thrives in a controlled classroom ---  much better than the loosey goosey style you see at Montessori schools.  Routine is very helpful for some kids and structure is really wonderful as well.  

We had issues in preschool--------  but traditional primary school has been fantastic for both of my kids.  Both thriving and doing well after a hard preschool experience.  

So readers, do not feel because your child has issues in preschool that you have to spend gobs of money for private schools.  good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Children are not in the age of academic until age 7. It is a waste of their precious time. To try and force a child under 6 or 7 before they are ready to sit still and do math, reading, learning a letter, etc and be given something new to learn everyday, as the public school system dictates, is entirely against our human psychological development for learning.

I don't blame these children for acting out and having anxiety about all of this....

I would highly recommend researching other educational systems. I'm a huge follower of Rudolph Steiner and Waldorf education methods, but there are many other methods that might engage your child specifically and fulfill what he is needing: Waldorf, Montessouri, Unschooling, and many others....

I always ask myself with my own child or my students in my preschool: "what am I doing or the parents doing that is not serving this child?"

Kim John Payne, Barbara Schumaker "It's OK Not TO SHare" , and Alfie Kohn are some wonderful authors and experts on child psychology and parenting methods that are so helpful...

Best of wishes to you and your child..
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there and welcome to med help.  Wanted to tell you about the sensory integration forum here at med help.  My son also has sensory and love to have other people to discuss things with.  here is the link:

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Sensory-Integration-Disorder-SID/show/1396?controller=forums&action=show&id=1396&camp=msc

Or you can find it in the "related communities" section at the right of this page.  thanks and hope you join us!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
This sounds like my son.  He has a sensory processing disorder and has made great gains with occupational therapy.  
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community

Top Children's Health Answerers
189897 tn?1441126518
San Pedro, CA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments