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Sexual experimentation?

Worried about child. When between the ages of 9-11 and her sister was 6-8 the older child said she had the idea to play boyfriend and girlfriend. Went to younger sibling in her room and said to play a game and went into parents bedroom. There the older said lets play boyfriend and girlfriend the younger child said she didn't want to play the older one kept asking why and younger child kept saying she didnt want to. Older child said she said something like "if you dont play my game I'm not playing any of yours again" in frustration. The younger one said fine and went to walk away the older child then remembers saying something like "wait, what do you wanna play" to which the younger replied "shops" the older then said "how about we play my game then yours". The younger agreed. The older then said shall we take our pants off to which the younger replied no I'm not playing if we do that. So they didn't take pants off. The older child can't remember if she took her skirt off or they both did or neither or if just she took her pants off later, its blurry, but she doesnt recall forcing the younger child too. The game wasnt between them as such, they each had a teddy as a boyfriend. Each side of the bed was their "house". The older child says she would hump and maybe masturbate on her side with her teddy but didnt want the younger child to see her doing that but she said that she was being grown up pretending her and her "boyfriend" were having sex. At one point im not sure if the younger child had seen a glimpse of what she was doing or not but she says she recalls lying next to the younger child and says that she is just itchy and they compared nails, i think she didn't want her younger sister to know what she was doing. The only time she remembers anything sexual between them was a brief conversation in which the older  child was lying on her teddy and looked across to the younger and said "have you had sex yet" in which the younger replied "no" like it was an icky thought. The older then said something like "we have you should, we'll go back home so that you can have sex". She said, she said that so that she could carry on doing what she was doing with her teddy on her side of the bed but still be playing the game. She says she went and lied next to her some time later and said something like "have you had sex yet" the younger replied no the older then said "why" the younger replied "i dont want to" the older then said something like "its not real". She said she wasn't encouraging her to physcially do anything it was just to say yes or no and that would be the difference in the game, it was more about acting grown up with someone else. In the end the younger didnt want to say yes so the older recalls saying something like "well we're going to have sex again" impying her and her "boyfriend" moving down the bed. The older child recalls saying the younger saying something like "i dont wanna play anymore " the older remembers saying something like "wait we can play your game we can play shops". The younger child said ok and they played shops. The older child says she thinks she still had a boyfriend during the game and says when she was on her side of the bed she may have still humped and been "pretending to have sex". The younger child wasnt really interested in the older childs game and vise versa i think. The younger child left the game suddenly. She got out from under the covers. The older child remembers saying something like "wait for me, wait, I've got something to tell you". She says she can't remember if she did actually have anything to say she just wanted her to wait. She says she cant remember if she had to put her skirt or pants back on. But she came round and stood in front of the younger child and said something like " if mom or dad ask just say we were playing shops " the younger replied "why" the older then said "it doesn't matter just say we were playing shops" the younger then said "is that it" the older replied yes and the younger left. The older remembers waiting a little while as she was embarrassed before follwing. She then went downstairs and into the living room with her sister and parents. She cant remember what was said but she thinks they asked about what they were doing but she can't fully remember what was said by her or her sister.
She says it was out of embarrassment that she didn't want her sister to tell about the boyfriend and girlfriend game. She says she didn't threaten her to keep it a secret. I know there was no touching or looking involved and it was a game of boyfriend and girlfriend that i think the older child played with the younger to try and create a grown up environemnt, i just dont no what to think. The older child confessed this and said it happened a few years ago so she would of been between 9 and 11. Im just a little concerned with the slight coercion at the start of the game and the secrecy. Although it wasnt coercion into sexual acts or activity between the 2 children im not sure if this is normal experimentation that may be slightly inappropriate or abuse.
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
How do you know all of this?  The 11 year old just confessed it to you with all that detail?  So, no, this is not good behavior and a breech of trust with your 11 year old.  She may have wakening hormones.  But the masturbation and humping with younger sibling in the room?  Not okay.  She needs firm rules that this will never happen again.  I'd not leave them unsupervised and I'd ask her some hard questions to make sure nothing has happened to her such as has something ever happened to her (as in another child or adult touching her) or has she seen things like what she is doing.  She sounds a bit hyper sexualized and I'd be nervous about that as a mom as she is probably entering the school years where a girl can make a lot of very wrong choices.  

When I was a kid, we played 'house' with a mom and a dad and a child if there was more than two people playing.  We'd take on the role.  boyfriend and girlfriend would be similar except that the sexual element was put into place here.

Child upon child molestation is a common cycle if a child has been molested.  So, you need to make sure nothing has happened to the 11 year old and then tell her NEVER again to play this 'game'.  good luck
3 Comments
The older child is now 14 and remembered this incident. She was telling me what she remembered from it and says she now feels really guilty. I wasn t sure how to talk and handle it. She says shes never been touched or anything like that and she can't remember seeing anything sexually explicit. She remembers wanting to feel more grown up more than anything but not wanting her sister to know she was doing what she was doing with her toy. I personally believe it was childs play that had inappropriate moments but this is new to me. Upon research i have read that talking about sex and masturbating is very common at her age however the circumstances are inappropriate. She told me she can't remember playing it again but just feels guilt. I've said she needs to let it go but am unsure myself with what advice to give. I think she sees herself as a monster and abuser. I've talked to her calmly and nothing stands out to me as abusive just inappropriate and since it wasn't repeated i think she needs to let it go. I just needed some other advice.
Ya, tell her to let it go.  It's good that she sees it as not a great experience overall.  But it is in the past an never touched or hurt the younger child.  Agree to just be supportive and you can say "we all do things we wish we hadn't when kids.  It's okay".  good luck
Thanks for the advice. I think she was concerned with the slight coercion at the start of the game and the secrecy. Although there was no force or coercion into sexual acts etc i think shes having a tough time moving forward. Hopefully she will be able to now she has remembered and told me. The younger child doesn't remember the situation when asked about it, so i think its just childs play that had inappropriate moments and circumstances. I agree with you that it shows she sees this scenario as something a little inappropriate, it shows she has learnt. I've explained children often do things that may be inappropriate, Hopefully she'll see that and be okay moving forward.
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