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Sexually Affectionate 8 Year Old

To start out as a disclaimer, I know divorce sucks.  I know kids are hurting. I'm not trying to take her Father away from her, though I do think that it is not asking too much to be allowed to be affectionate and receive affection from my partner.

I have known my stepdaughter since she was 3.  In the last 8 months, she has started calling her Father "Dada" and has become way clingy.  I know that some regression is normal.  I can deal with her feeling jealous of me and I understand that when I am affectionate with her Father she somehow feels left out though she is not.  

However...in the last 6 months her need to be the center of everything related to her Father is way out of hand.  If ANYBODY in the house is getting attention from her dad, she has to find a way to take that attention away.  She has started dirty dancing in front of her 11 and 13 year old stepbrothers (who want nothing to do with it), slapping her butt in front of her father...grinding her private parts on her dad's leg if we are sitting next to each other, jumping on his lap to give a sitting striptease with her chest in his face...flipping her shirt up...She constantly needs to be on her dad's lap and I swear I see her grin and wink at me when I get pushed away from her father when we are near each other.  Again, though I don't like THAT part, what has me concerned is the sexual nature of her affection lately.  Last time, with the leg grinding, I told her that while I understood she wanted her Father's attention and that we both loved her Father, that I didn't love her Father the same way she did and that it was not appropriate for her to try to mimic our relationship.  I don't know if she heard me or not or if that was even the issue.

I'm worried about her.  I'm not really sure what to do.  I think this is about jealousy but I don't know what precipitated the increase in it or why it has suddenly become sexual.  When this happens she is told the behavior is not appropriate either by me or her father or both of us at the same time so we are on the same page.  But is this normal? What is a family supposed to do?  Is this indicative of something else?
5 Responses
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134578 tn?1693250592
I'd be worried about where she got the sexual stuff.  A friend of mine who was being sexually molested by her uncle behaved that way with men she liked.
Helpful - 6
Avatar universal
That is truly strange behavior! My question is why is she comfortable doing that with/to her father? Is he sending a clear message that is not acceptable, or sending mixed messages?

And worst case scenario, is it possible he is allowing or initiating inappropriate touching when you're not around?

She's learned this behavior somewhere. Where? With whom? What is she allowed to watch? Whose house is she going to?

And why is she allowed to continue the dancing or grinding? As soon as she starts the behavior her father should be telling her that he is not ok with her behaving that way and if she wants his attention she needs to ask for it appropriately or sit in her room till she decides to.

If attention is what she is seeking then praise her when she seeks it in a positive way. Counseling may save all of you from horrible trauma in the future. Something is very wrong. :(
Helpful - 5
Avatar universal
Have you been getting jiggy with daddy I'm front of the kids?  She has to learn it from somewhere.  
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Sounds like a serious problem and nobody here has given a solution. If the problem isn't solved yet, you should probably get professional help. Talk to some sort of psychiatrist about it
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
BTW, I would NEVER act sexual with my partner in front of the kids, grinding, stripping....ever.  our romantic relationship involves hugs, flirting, and a peck here and there in front of the kids.
Helpful - 0
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