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Should I stay or Should I go?
I am a single mother of 2 boys 6 and 8 with 2 different dads, and divorced. Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. When we first started going out he said he wanted to take it low, yet introduced me to his mother 3 months after we met, she was excited to met the boys, when she actually met them she called them her grand children in front of everyone and loved them very much so that made it easy for my boyfriend to love them too. After a few months his mother started telling him she didn't like me and he was too smart to be with a single mother, and that single mothers are too expensive to "maintain". That's when it all changed. He started finding every reason not to have anything to do with me youngest.
The father of my oldest is very responsible and we get along great, we do anything and everything for my son and his parents and mine are extremely supportive and helpful as well. Let me put it this way when we need to do anything for my oldest boy we pay and plan and everyone works around that schedule. It's the opposite with my youngest and my ex husband, everyone seems to be waiting for the other to do anything. They just sit and point fingers and argue about the others short comings. I try my best but without a car and no money I'm not much help either.
My boyfriend says his reason for not wanting to help was because his father should be doing more and he feels my ex husband is trying the "plant" all his responsibilities on him. I will admit they have been sometimes when my ex has asked why my boyfriend can't help me with my son or the situation at hand, but that's not an unreasonable question.
Anyhow, now anything to do with my youngest he doesn't want to be involved, when I say nothing I mean nothing. what should I do.
The father of my oldest is very responsible and we get along great, we do anything and everything for my son and his parents and mine are extremely supportive and helpful as well. Let me put it this way when we need to do anything for my oldest boy we pay and plan and everyone works around that schedule. It's the opposite with my youngest and my ex husband, everyone seems to be waiting for the other to do anything. They just sit and point fingers and argue about the others short comings. I try my best but without a car and no money I'm not much help either.
My boyfriend says his reason for not wanting to help was because his father should be doing more and he feels my ex husband is trying the "plant" all his responsibilities on him. I will admit they have been sometimes when my ex has asked why my boyfriend can't help me with my son or the situation at hand, but that's not an unreasonable question.
Anyhow, now anything to do with my youngest he doesn't want to be involved, when I say nothing I mean nothing. what should I do.
The answer to your question is strictly based on your commitment level to your boyfriend. Is this going to be a long term if not a permanent commitment/relationship? Do you both have plans to marry? Or, are you both non-committed at the moment? Does your boyfriend feel the same as you do regarding the direction of your relationship?
Unless you are in a fully committed relationship, I would not expect your boyfriend to assume any financial responsibilities for you or your kids. This is clearly not his place. Same goes for your kids. I would only encourage a relationship between your boyfriend and his family with your kids if you have a strong commitment to each to stay together. Your kids require emotional stability and security. Your job is to help make that happen.
Unless you are in a fully committed relationship, I would not expect your boyfriend to assume any financial responsibilities for you or your kids. This is clearly not his place. Same goes for your kids. I would only encourage a relationship between your boyfriend and his family with your kids if you have a strong commitment to each to stay together. Your kids require emotional stability and security. Your job is to help make that happen.
Hi there. Well, a couple of things. A boyfriend isn't supposed to assume all financial responsibility for us and our kids. That's just how I feel. If they marry us, that is one thing. Then they are choosing to be a family. But to me, this sounds very much like you need a man to take care of you and your younger son. This should not be the case because I think most men would kind of resent that.
I feel super strongly that you should consider how to get yourself in a better position and not through a man. Can you go to school? Example--- your kids are now elementary age. They are probably in school full time now. to get something like a paralegal degree, it costs less than 10,000 in my area if you don't qualify for financial aid and based on your story, you will qualify for that. There are 11 required courses and then internship time in which you are usually paid after that. Then you are in a position to have a good job. That is just one example. The issue with a car is tough but there is public transportation as well as if you can beg or borrow for a very inexpensive car, you can then get around. I can not imagine being dependent on others for my freedom to get around. I'd make getting a car of your own a priority over saving this relationship. And then I'd work out a plan to be able to provide for this younger child and yourself in an adequate way.
I don't know if this relationship will work out. It to me sounds like it is on the verge of ending now. And I do think it is valid if someone does not want to take on the responsibility of another's child. That is real life.
So, work on what mark above says, stability that does not have a man involved and then once you are there, you can add in a good man to enhance things.
wishing you all the best and I know this is very hard. good luck
I feel super strongly that you should consider how to get yourself in a better position and not through a man. Can you go to school? Example--- your kids are now elementary age. They are probably in school full time now. to get something like a paralegal degree, it costs less than 10,000 in my area if you don't qualify for financial aid and based on your story, you will qualify for that. There are 11 required courses and then internship time in which you are usually paid after that. Then you are in a position to have a good job. That is just one example. The issue with a car is tough but there is public transportation as well as if you can beg or borrow for a very inexpensive car, you can then get around. I can not imagine being dependent on others for my freedom to get around. I'd make getting a car of your own a priority over saving this relationship. And then I'd work out a plan to be able to provide for this younger child and yourself in an adequate way.
I don't know if this relationship will work out. It to me sounds like it is on the verge of ending now. And I do think it is valid if someone does not want to take on the responsibility of another's child. That is real life.
So, work on what mark above says, stability that does not have a man involved and then once you are there, you can add in a good man to enhance things.
wishing you all the best and I know this is very hard. good luck
Oh, and by the way, the above regarding schooling ---- it is absolutely amazing the grants they will give to help someone through school. Nursing, cosmetology, whatever----- there are resources to help you achieve an education in order for you to have a good paying job. good luck
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