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1783035 tn?1314755687

Single mom help.

My daughters father and I were together for about 6 years. Our daughter was not planned but we owned a home and had been togther for awhile. He was not really involved in the pregnancy and I figured it was a typical male thing and he would come around when the baby was born (we didnt know what we were having) After Riley was born he was alright with her but more concerned that I was spending more time with the baby and getting annoyed that I was so worried all the time about her (hello new mother here) I was always so excited to tell him things she did and he didnt seem to care. He even once told my sister he didnt love her until she turned 1. Mind you he also thought I was crazy to have a first birthday because she wouldnt remember it anyways.

Time went on and I was working full time 3rd shift and coming home and doing everything for Riley on maybe 3 hours of sleep while he didmt work. Between the lack of help and his drinking and stealing money (including his daughters xmas money) I had had enough. I moved out with Riley. We lost the house and he moved in with his mother. It has been 2 years and he has not seen or even called to see how his daughter is. I put myself through nursing school and raised Riley alone. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done but I know it was the right chioce to make.

My question is can I legally change her last name to mine without him knowing? Also if anyone has or is going through this, what did you tell your child/children? Since she stared daycare and she see's other kids that have kids she is asking alot of ?s. I feel terrible about all of this and I pray in the future I find an amazing guy that wants to be in our lives.

Thanks for reading and if anyone has any advise or whats to ask me ?s that would be amazing :)))))
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1783035 tn?1314755687
Thanks ladies :) The main reason I would like to change her name is because she is old enough to know she is the only one with a different name. She tells me she doesnt want that name because her daddy doesnt love her :( Its really sad to see a almost 4 year old understanding things she shouldnt.

There is something very wrong with him. When we started dating he was perfect and we talked about having a family and traveling. Once he realized that it took effort to raise a child and you need to work he wanted nothing to do with it. He would not hold a job because he felt he was better than all the jobs out there. He had started nursing school and decided one day he didnt want to do it anymore so he quit. I had put my life on hold to raise my daughter and give him time to finish school so then I could later go back to school.

It was so sad to realize I couldnt even leave my daughter alone with him because he didnt watch her. I would work and come home to a messy house, and a hungry dirty child. He started drinking and stealing money from me.

I am so happy that I got when I did and now my daughter has the chance to be in a healthy home. She is doing great and i know I made the right choice. But I do feel very sad for her because she didnt ask to be brought into this world and every child deserves both parents. I grew up without a father and I know it still affects me now as an adult.

I dont want to contact the father at all because I am terrified that he will ask to see her. I dont get any child support because he never keeps a job and he has yet to ask to see my daughter. I know he is dating a very young girl and from other people I have heard he buys alot of things for her which hurts because my daughter goes without.

Thanks for your advise its nice to talk to other people about all of this.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It sounds like the father has some sociopathic disorder where he is self centered, lies, and emotionally disconnected from those around him. It's unfortunate but your daughter is young and will adapt to his absence with no permanent problem.

I grew up in a violent and turbulent home, and I'd rather my parents separate than deal with their constant abuse of each other and to us on a weekly bases for the 18 years of my life.

You sound like a great mother. I assume you have full custody, but I agree that you need to seek legal advice about changing her name.
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
It sounds like what you really want is the severing of his parental rights, and I don't know if you can do that.  Probably only her being adopted by your future spouse would do it, and in such a situation he would get full legal notice.  As for legally changing her name, it seems like you could be able to if you weren't trying to sever his legal connection to her, but that is totally one for an attorney.  Probably every state is different.  I would guess they would be obliged to send a notice to his last known address or something like that.  Call a Legal Aid office and talk to a lawyer there.
Helpful - 0
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