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Avatar universal

Some consultation please!!

I do not have children myself, but I do work in a day care center.  At the daycare, we have a play set for a puppet show....so there is a little stage with curtains, etc....i'm sure you all know what they look like.  Anyway, the other day while I was at work, I caught one of the girls performing oral sex on one of the boys...so it appeared that way.  Yes, I know what I saw...her mouth was on his penis.  I am very concerned about this.  the girl is only 4 yrs old and the boy just turned 5.  I reacted in a very calm manner.  I did not punish them, but sat them down for the "good touch, bad touch" speech and explained (in terms they could understand) that this was inappropriate behavior.  The boy reacted by saying it was her idea and she asked him if she could "kiss his pee pee."  The girl didn't deny it and asked me if she did something wrong.  I reiterated that she was not in trouble,however I wanted to know where she learned how to "kiss a pee pee. I am currently working on my master's in social work and will be done soon, so I've had some classes on normal child development / behavior, etc.  Even so...I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to figure out something is wrong here.  I approached the director of the day care about situation and told her i suspected something might be going on...maybe the girl is being molested....or at the very least being exposed to pornography or witnessing someone do this.  The director told me I was overreacting and to let it go.  I tried talking to the girl's mother.  I did not accuse her of anything, but expressed my concern and maybe she could talk to her daughter about it.  She reacted by calling me a few racial slurs that I care not to reiterate.  The next day, the director told me she got a call from the girls' parents and they were very upset at me even suggesting something was wrong and wanted disciplinary action to taken against me.  I am seriously considering calling childline and reporting it.  I am worried that I may be overreacting and i don't want to unneccesarily cause trouble for someone.  But it is a serious issue we're talking about and i'm willing to take that risk.  My question is, how do I deal with the repercussions of reporting this...from the director, her parents, even the girl?  I know calls to childline are anonymous, but it won't be hard for them to figure out who reported it.  I'm sure they'll be upset with me.  Am I doing the right thing....i've never reported anyone before.
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Avatar universal
She's seen it.  Report it.
Helpful - 0
242606 tn?1243782648
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
It's obviously good that you followed up as you did, and it is encouraging that the mother came to her senses. The incredibly bad judgement of the girl's sister and her boyfriend needs to be addressed, and your actions have hopefully set the stage for that to happen.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for your comment Dr. Kennedy.  The behavior occured between the two children....no puppets were involved.  As I said in an earlier post, even though i confronted the mother and she later called with her explanation, I did report it, For several reasons.  1.) I couldn't be sure that the mother was covering for someone or even herself and 2.) children & youth can assist the family in getting the help they need.  I felt I had to report it anyway, even though I was given a possible explanation and even if what the mother said happened is true....then the older sister should not be living at the house or at the very least, should not be left unsupervised.  Anyway, I did all I can do for now and it's now in the hands of children and youth.  Thanks for your post.
Helpful - 0
242606 tn?1243782648
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Your concerns are valid. The behavior you witnessed is not within the norm for children; they do not spontaneously devise such ideas. The reaction you received from both the program director and the parent are troubling. They should be as concerned as you are. One thing I did not understand is whether the behavior you described occurred in between the two children or was played out with the puppets. If the behavior actually occurred, it should be reported. If it took place via the fantasy play with the puppets, then the way you've alraedy handled it is enough. It might be worth one additonal attempt at discussion with the director but, if the response is not favorable, you can let it go.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you for updating us and yes I would definetly contact the boys mother. She needs to know what happend also. :-)
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Avatar universal
thank you both for your comments.  Giovi - you're absolutely right in that the parents of the boy should be made aware of the incident.  For whatever reason...I didn't think of that.  I will speak with his mom when she comes in to pick him up next week.  As for the meeting...well the day care center is actually part of a larger community service center.  I spoke to executive director about this matter and they will deal with the director of the day care with how they see fit.  I did mention my disapproval of how the situation was handled in general.  At the meeting, it was decided that children & youth will be involved in some aspect( a representitive was at the meeting...I reported the situation anyway).  One reason is we want to ensure that nothing else more serious was really going on and the mother is covering for someone or even herself.  Also, children & youth are going to help the family with finding a good family therapist and ensure that they follow through on counseling.  Of course, the director is a little upset with me (for talking to the higher ups), but she didn't publicly acknowledge that...she told me after the meeting.  but i'll get over it.  I sensed the mother of the girl was still a little upset with me...but i'll also get over that as well.  that's really all the detail I can go into.  the meeting was really a chance for the mother to voice her concerns to the director and since i witnessed what happened, i had to be there.  the mother opted for a social worker from children and youth to be present as well.  Overall...i think things went ok.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I wonder if you - or the director - should consider also talking to the boy's parents.
He's been part of the thing, even if it wasn't his idea, and if he was my boy (I have 4 years old boy) I really would like to know that he's been exposed and involved in this kind of behavior.
By the way, I think you did a wonderful job.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for the comment TKJ0321....I have a meeting with the director and the girl's mother tomorrow.  I plan on bringing this disturbing issue up.  You are absolutely right...as a day care director, she is obligated by law to report suspected abuse.  I plan on making a complaint to her superior...but I'm also sure the girl's mother might have a few things to say about the situation.  I'm not sure she knows that I went to the director before confronting her. The director is supposed to be one of the people protecting her daughter.  We'll see how it goes.  Thanks.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am glad that you got that situation out. There is one thing that bothers me though and that is the way the Daycare Director acted. That IMO is not right that she reacted that way to you because it is HER job that if something like that is going on for it to be looked into. The fact that she brushed it off does not sit very well with me. I am glad that you brought it up to the parent because something WAS going on. I know am probably overreacting but I would look into filing a complaint about that director if I was a parent and my child was going to that daycare I would pull her out just for that reason alone. That she was not concerned about. Especially the fact you are majoring in social work so you knew what was going on.
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Avatar universal
Just a follow up....the director just called me and the girl's mother called to offer me an apology and explain she was reacting out of anger/schock.  Apparently, the girl's  mother had a talk with her daughter and the girl learned this behavior from her older sister's boyfriend.  He apparently did not make this girl perform oral sex on him, but the older sister (who is 21 and living at home) let the girl watch her actiivty with her boyfriend.  Still incredibly inappropriate and the mother reports she is going to seek help from a psychologist for herself and her daughter(s).  i'm assuming or hoping appropriate action will taken.  thanks
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You're welcome and if you don't mind I would love to know what happens with the director and what the mom thinks. I think you handed the situation as it should have been handled. I am so glad you knew something was wrong and that you brought it to the mothers attention.
Helpful - 0

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