Child Behavior Forum
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Avatar universal

Son doesn't want to go to Kindergarten

My son started all day Kind. in WA state. After 1 month of school we had to move back to Sandpoint, ID. In WA he would hold onto me and beg me to stay for 10 minutes. He'd watch to make sure I wouldn't leave. I would finally sneak out, and at the end of the day the teacher said "he isn't really doing much at school". She said that when other kids do things, he just sits there. The first day the teacher said that he seemed really tired and didn't do any math. The second day she said that he did fine and was caught up with the class. Today, however, from the minute I parked the car to bring him to class, he wouldn't get out of the car. I just walked to the class with his younger sister, and he followed. He stood in the hall and he said he was hungry. He just stood in the hallway. The teacher finally had to shut the door on us. I told him that I would stay with him for 5 minutes...but he still wouldn't go. I grabbed his hand to lead him in and he just went limp and fell to the ground each time I tried. He then told me he didn't want to go because he missed me all day. After a month of struggling everyday to get him into class, I finally broke down crying and took the kids and left saying that we weren't coming back. My husband and I are good parents, we have family rules, we stick to a normal schedule. If Christian doesn't get what he wants however, (like watching a cartoon today) he screams  and yells "your stupid", I don't love you anymore, and will hit me or kick me. Physically he is comparable to some 2nd graders...and so it's getting impossible for me to pick him up or drag him to his room. My husband doesn't put up with it either, but he will pick him up and put him in his room untill he calms down. After 20 minutes or so he'll act like it never happened. If we bring it up he'll say "he's sorry for that", and that he won't do it again...but he always does. This is a vicious circle that won't end. We haven't raised our 3 year old daughter any different than we have him...yet she acts like an angle. Christian has even told me to "go kill myself" once. The thing thats odd however, is he has the biggest heart you could imagine for a child. He always tells me he loves me (unless he's in one of his tantrums) and kisses me, and wants to be with my husband and I. He is very kind and sweet to everyone. He gets very attatched to his teachers and blows kisses to them at the end of class. We live at a ski resort and on the chair lift w/ his instructor he would throw fits and lean forward and say he was going to jump off once or twice. Some days he'd be great, sometimes not. I wonder if it is ADD or depression. My grandmother (who I never met) was institutionalized for depression and received shock treatments. I was on prozac when I was 14. I've felt normal but suffer a little anxiety. One thing he said that worries me is "somethings telling me not to go in there". He has said this a few times in other instances. I figure it's just a ploy, but he's only 5
2 Responses
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In light of the family history, your son is at risk for developing a mood disorder, so this will need to be watched over the years. But that does not seem to be the problem now. Don't forget that his world has been turned upside down, and this occurred at a critical point in his development - i.e., just as he was adjusting to kindergarten. The most significant challenge as children adapt to kindergarten is being away from their parent for so many hours. This is not at all easy for many children. In addition, adjusting to life with peers and being under the direction of different adults pose big challenges as well. With the teacher's support, drop him off at school, with the teacher, and don't linger. Adopt a more matter-of-fact approach. There is no need to persuade, cajole, etc. - that will only serve to make matters worse. At home, after you issue a direction, repeat it only one time and then, if he is not following the direction, put him in time out. It sounds like you need to be more straightforward and systematic in your linmit-setting and discipline.
Avatar universal
Thank you for your advice...I completely agree. In fact, we just put him in a public school & there are a couple of kids he knows at recess and lunch. He's half day and it really went well...the fact he knows someone. Thanks again, I will use your approach to disciple.
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