Indefinite withdrawal of privileges from nine-year-olds does not usually bring good results (it also removes your leverage as parents - you've already played all your cards, so to speak). As an alternative, I'd go to a day-by-day plan. Here's how. Each day your son brings from the teacher a simple checklist about whether or not he has complied with the rules. If he has, he should have access to his privileges. If not, he should not have his privileges. Each day begins anew.The most effective version of this plan is to bring each day an index card rules into two halves: one for the morning session and one for the afternoon session. All the teacher has to do is place a sticker (or a simple OK, along with initials) on the respective block (or not, if your son hasn't complied with the rules). Then, once he's home, he gives you the card. For each sticker (or OK comment) he recievs a certain amount of time (e.g. 30 minutes) for his privileges. When he does not earn a sticker for a period, he of course does not receive the allotment of privilege (e.g., TV, video game, outdoor play) and he receives a 20-minute time out. These simple plans tend to be quite effective, and they give parents the opportunity to reinforce frequently the sorts of behavior they're seeking. Also, you might want to ask the school psychologist/counselor about possible symptoms of ADHD - a simple rating scale, such as the Vanderbilt Scales or the ADHD Rating Scale or the short-form Conners can be used to obtain a glimps of the symptoms.
I know that as a married couple you should prsent a united front, but this is YOUR son and your new husband should step back and allow you the space to discipline him. He should only intervene or help when asked ot by you. This is ESPECIALLY true if he has a relationship with his real father. He will only rebel more and more the tougher your husband gets.
I agree with Kassimom, but in addition, have you thought about whether your son is having emotional problems in dealing with your divorce and remarriage? It is hard for a child to concentrate when he is struggling with feelings of loss and anger, and his anger will only increase if you new husband continues to be too harsh in his disciplinary requirements. Children are not as adaptable to change as we all have been led to believe. They struggle immensely to cope with problems we adults present them with. You only need to look at the statistics on childhood depression and suicide to realize the difficulty of their struggle. Your husband needs to find some compassion to deal with a child who is not his natural son.
I have two children from my 1 marrige and my husband now als has a stricked way about him. I thik the most important this is that you talk to him NOT in front of you child. Let him know how you feel and come up with guid lines a disapline it work for me even though there are times I need to remind him of the limits. You must present a stonge union for your child its there safty net.