Toddlers playing doctor

[sidestep]

"Jack" has always been close to his cousin "Jane".  They are about 1 year apart in age.  Jack is 4 1/2 and Jane 3 1/2 .  Jack recently complained to his mother that Jane kept wanting to play the "licking" game" and he didn't like it.  From what we can tell, he told his mother that Jane taught him this game - it started that they licked each other's face and it then developed that Jane licked Jack's penis.  It was this that he was complaining about.  When Jack told his mother, she called us - we were concerned, but did feel this might fall into the category of "sexual exploration" for toddlers/pre-schoolers.  

Jack was immediately taken to his pediatrician who immediately determined that Jane must have been a victim of sexual abuse even though he is not Jane's pediatrician.  The doctor, in his medical report, referred to this as a case of sexual molestation perpertrated by Jane upon Jack.  An immediate referral was made to a child therapist as the doctor felt Jack needed immediate counseling to prevent further psychological damage.

Please understand that we do not take what happened lightly, but had wanted to talk with Jack ourselves to find out what exactly he was saying had happened.  And we are concerned that there is a heightened paranoia about situations that years ago would have been understood to be part of children becoming more aware of their bodies.  I find it hard to believe a 3 1/2 year old could be be labeled by a responsible physician as an abuse.

Are we right to be skeptical of his pediatrician's rash jump to judgement?

[sidestep]

Thank you for your response.  I may be mistaken, but it sound as though you may be a medical professional of some type.  I realize that I did not indicate that I was Jack's stepmom.  His father and I have made our own appointment with Jack's pediatrician (his mother took him without giving us an opportunity to be there) to discuss both the situation and our concerns about this rush to judgement.  Jane's mother has already discussed what occurred and from what Jane can tell her, this is not something that was done to her, but just a game that progressed to what the children thought was "funny".  Apparently the game started out that they were pretending to be puppies - licking faces, hands, ears, noses, elbows, etc....  still not appropriate (not to mention hygenic) behavior, but not indicative of abuse either.  Jack's statements about what happened coincide with Jane's.

We have taken steps to prevent the 2 children from being alone together for the time being just to make sure that this was a one time occurence and not something that will continue, but we feel much better now that we have had our own chance to talk with Jack and hear for ourselves specifically what happened.  

[MissLotus]

I would find out the  details of what happened, but also keep in mind as said above children mimic what they see, I am not saying that its not a possibility that "jane" is being sexually abused, but it could also be something as simple  as something she has  seen done elsewhere. There is so many places  these days  ,sadly i might add where a child can see this type of behavior. I cant  tell you how many times my child has said something  that has made my jaw drop, though its never been something of this nature. Sometimes kids are just curious, Sometimes they are doing  something they saw an adult  doing  and assume its ok for them to do it. whatever you chose I would like to hear the outcome :)  good luck

[SL345]

I think you are right to be skeptical. In my experience, one of the most difficult things for people (professionals and lay people alike) to do in these situations is to investigate/explore issues related to children's sexual behavior without forming pre-judgments about whether what occurred is or is not a problem. These children and their families deserve an opportunity to be interviewed without preconceived judgments/characterization about the nature of the problem. Besides, younger children (especially this age) are generally not considered "perpetrators" barring some cognitive or emotional limitations in the older child. Additionally, one criterion that some experts proffer as a possible indicator of abuse is whether or not a child who is the "aggressor" responds to adult limit setting by discontinuing the behavior when told to desist. At this age, it may be very difficult to determine the etiology of these behaviors. A calm and level headed approach is needed so as to not inflame the problem and induce iatrogenic distress. The medical edict of first DO NO HARM applies. Good luck. Please let us know what happens.

[chigirl29]

The child might have been abused and acted it out on another child.  If not, then things will clear up.  The boy seemed upset that it happened so maybe he does need someone to talk to.  Hope things work out.

[shontai]

i for one do not think it is normal for a toddler to behave this way. kids repeat what they see so either she saw this going on or it happened to her. i understand not wanting to bealieve this could happen to you but i would do everything i could to find out what happened and if the only way to do this is by taking him to a doctor then so be it. its what is best for him above all else. asking for help does not make you weak. everyone needs help sometimes.