Troubled 7 Year old

[dawncd]

I have a son who recently turned 7 and is in Grade 1.  He never had problems in school until this year. I had a few phone calls home involving various situations:1) He was on the bus and hit another boy on the leg (he said it was accidental, that the bus hit a bump and his arms went up and fell back down and hit the boy) 2) The vice principal  informed me that he went to the washroom and when he came out he informed a teacher that someone had colored all over the walls and sink (he swears to me he did not do it) 3) There was color on the floor under his desk in the classroom. The teacher moved his desk 3 times and each time more coloring was found on the floor (he said he didn't do it and doesn't know how it happened). 4) I received a phone call that he pinched a girls rear end (he said he was running back to class after the recess bell rang and was snapping his fingers and as he was running by he accidently hit the girl ) 5) The latest phone call I received was he had hit another boy (his friend) in the genital area (he said he was giving a high five to another friend and as he was someone pushed him from behind and his hand slipped and hit his friend). I am at a loss weather I should believe my son or not.  He knows we don't tolerate lying in our house.He is very stubborn and never listens to me or his father whenever we ask him to do something. We used to do the yelling and screaming thing until we noticed it doesn't work, so we are now making him write lines whenever he doesn't listen.  Is this an effective way to get him to listen and do as he is told?  
He does well with his schoolwork, is very bright and loves speaking french! What do you recommend we do to help our family life? I don't want to fight with him anymore.  When I resort to yelling because he keeps pushing my buttons by not listening to me and doing as I asked (like getting ready for school), I feel horrible. I want to be a good parent, but it feels like I'm am doing it all wrong.  Please help.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You are correct in thinking that yelling is ineffective. Yelling may help you to ventilate and take the lid off your frustration, but it is an ineffective way to respond to children. And it teaches them, by your example, to voice their anger in the same way. You absolutely should not believe your son. Imagine that another child offered the same excuses your son is offering - you would not believe those excuses for a minute.  Since he is your son, you may be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, so to speak, but he is not being truthful. He did the things he has been accused of doing. Now, relative to management of the behavior, establish a daily report from school - a simple index card or chart will do. All you need to know is whether or not he was a good citizen that day in school. Then, establish a daily reward. The reward will depend on what your son likes. For example, let's say he enjoys watching a particular television show. That might be the reward you select. If the report from school is good, he is allowed to watch the show. If the report is not good, he is not permitted to watch the show. In addition, if the report is not good, he should receive a fifteen minute time out as well. If you read Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Children, you will find a valuable guide in managing your son's behavior in general.

[Damon466]

My son has just turned 7 years old and he continues to get into trouble at school. He doesn't lie about it to us. When he gets into trouble he tells us about it before we see the note from school. He has got into to trouble from doing things anywhere from throwing snow balls, hitting, or even cursing. He just told a kid at school he was going to kick his ***. HE IS ONLY 7! He knows better than doing these things and his teachers tell us that he does have remorse after misbehaving but he continues to do it anyways. When he is good at school we treat him. We allow him once his home work is done to play with his toys, watch TV, play out side, and when he has been good all week he can spend the night at a friend’s house or we take him to do something. When he is bad he comes home, does his home work, eats dinner with no desert, takes a bath, and goes to bed. We have even gone as far as taking all his toys out of his room and as he is good rewarding him with a toy at a time until he gets them all back. If he gets in trouble he will loose one. I don't know what to do anymore please advise me on something else to try with him.

[tlkm81]

hi my boy was prem he was 2lb 2oz and he is now nearly 7 he dose get moaned at in school for his lack of attention and he has stared to wet his pants two or three times a day it seemes he cant hold it and will wet or watch tv then too late he has been checked out and no problems he has got one testical higher than the other one and is getting an op to get that sorted this month would that explain the wetting diabeties runs in family that was ruiled out we had a death in family and a cancer scare last year i have had another child shes 6months hes great with her just the wetting any idears

[beaner158]

I have a 7year old son and i am haveing some problems with him. His father and i split up a few months ago and i understand that it will take time to adjust to.... But he is always wineing and throwing fits say nothing is fare and that he thinks that he doesnt have to take showers... He throws in my face that he hates me cause i kicked his father out... I have run out of options i need some ideas..... Thank you JAmie
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