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What can I do to help 10 yr old son after his friends dropped him?

I am here as the result from a search I made in efforts to learn how to help my 10 year old son cope with being "dropped" by his friends.  It hurts my heart that he suddenly "has no friends.".  According to my son, it all started when the teacher changed the seating arrangement of the classroom.  His two friends were moved closer together and he was moved further away from them.  I don't know that she had any motive for this particular arrangement but nothing was said other than "everyone was moved "  Since the two boys were seated closer together, my son says it's like he does not exist. They no longer sit with him at lunch nor play with him at recess. He is such a good boy with a big heart. He would not do this to them.  He deserves the best of friends but finds that he has none.  While it's their loss, he is the one hurting.  What can a parent do in this situation?
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Boy, you are speaking to me right now.  This happened to my son who is older than yours but it happened to him with another couple of friends way back when. It hurts!  I've been through a lot with my son. Being concerned is absolutely normal and your helping is important!  For some kids, it all works out. For others, they need help.  So, here are some thoughts.  First, do a quick realistic analysis in your own mind of your child's social skills and social history.  Has he had a bit of a hard time making friends or peer interaction all along?  If so, what do you think the issue is in that regard?  My son has sensory issues and being socially awkward is common with that.  So, digging in to where you can help your son develop the best skills socially will always benefit.  Next, the teacher changed the seating arrangement impacting your son. Have you talked to the teacher?  Perhaps he could be seated with one of the other kids again in a non nonchalant so no one knows kind of way?  Schools understand the social well being of students.  It impacts a lot of things so normally, I've found teachers helpful in this regard. Also, the school may have some ways of helping a child in the need of friends get connected with other peers.  Don't be embarrassed to talk to them about this!  Your son is not alone!!  

Does your son have any activities outside of school?  If not, start getting him involved in something if you can.  Scouts.  Sports. Art class. whatever he likes!  And then facilitate friendship situations.  Make a space in your home for 'hanging out' for him and his friends.  Allow him some gaming time if he likes that (my sons play x box and use the headphones to talk to other people).  Invite someone over or take them to go do something.  I know covid is a beast that has interrupted all socializing but with the world getting vaccinated, that SHOULD be getting better!  

If your child seems sad and it lingers, or if his is a recurring problem of not feeling a part of things, please listen to what I'm about to tell you.  My son has been in the same boat as yours.  He's now 17.  He was rejected AGAIN this year at school.  He's always had some anxiety and it has now added to it depression.  And it's severe depression.  He is lonely.  He feels worthless.  His self esteem was shaped by rejection several times.  Don't wait to get your son some psychological help if he is talking bad about himself.  Because that could get worse.  And can become a serious problem. Suicide is a real threat for teens these days with being the number way they die. So, not being an alarmist.  But this type of isolation and rejection often goes hand in hand with kids developing a mental health crisis if they are prone to it.  It sure has my son (heart breaking).  There is no shame in therapy and if your child needs it or even 'might' need it, starting early is important. I wish I'd started earlier.  

Stay in touch with me to let me know how it goes.  I can tell you are a caring parent and I've been in your shoes.  
3 Comments
Kids are cruel.  But kids also change fast.  Two possibilities:  one, your child has some issues and others don't like him much.  The other is that this is just his year for bad stuff to happen and next year will be a lot better.  No way to know.  As to the seating, if that was all it took for him to be "shunned," the others didn't like him to begin with.  I'm an old guy now, but I remember being young, and I had my bad year when all of a sudden everyone decided to pick on me.  Up until then that hadn't happened at all.  Then it stopped.  So it goes.  Boys and girls are mean.  They are volatile.  But if this is an issue your child has, then that's a different story and it should be understood and dealt with.  
Apologies for for the delay in responding.  I am sorry to hear your son has similar troubles!  Since my initial post, i came up with a plan.  I spoke further with my son and we invited the boys to a trampoline park a couple of weeks from now followed by a sleepover that night.  The boys accepted and both sets of parents agrred.I also requested the teacher to call me but for whatever reason, have not heard anything back from her yet.  I appreciate your response.  It was helpful in many ways and got me thinking!  We DO need to get  involved  doing some  extra curricular activity.  We are leaning towards some form of martial arts .  Thank you :)
DaddyDAD2, you are right on track!  That's great and it can make all the difference for your child.  I also watch for little helping, guiding words along the way if my son has a social skill quirk we need to sort out but never in front of the friends. Martial arts is fantastic. That's a great idea!  Do they have anything like scouts near you also? That's another bonding type of thing done over shared activities.  
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