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What causes an intelligent 5yr old to choose to disobey his teacher?

My 5 year old is very intelligent. He is far ahead of the other students in his class academically. His behavior, on the other hand is the worst.  He lies often.  He is disrespectful to his teacher.  He refuses to do what is asked of him often.  He will put himself on the floor, cross his arms, and refuse to look at the teacher - he slapped her hand away once when she extended it to help him up.  He makes noises at his desk.  He talks without permission, he blurts out answers before any else has a chance to answer. He acts superior and once told the teacher that he could talk because she was.  When told he will lose recess or computer time or his job in the classroom, he replied that he didn't care about those things anyway. He is very manipulate. I have tried several behavior modification techniques and none of them have worked.  He lies and is manipulative at home, but is not disrespectful. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do.  Please help.
3 Responses
189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
         It could be due to his intelligence.  He has quickly learned through trial and error how to get his way.  Or, I suppose he could have something like ADHD.
         There are two good discipline books I usually recommend.  The first is
      "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.   It describes how to correctly use the timeout system.   That system when used correctly will work.
  
      "Love and logic" by fay and cline seems to work well with smart kids as it uses a system based on what they are doing.  I think they have a book out for younger kids.
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there.  Whew, definitely nip this in the bud.  MANY kids are super smart.  But they ALL have to adhere to the same rules and regulations of the world as everyone else.  :>)  As you know.  

What kinds of punishments are they doing at school?  That is where discipline for school events should occur.  It's hard because we as parents want to step in but for that age, discipline needs to be immediate.  Time outs, lack of privileges, visits with the school counselor and principal.  

At home, be very mindful that you do not allow him to be 'the boss'.  YOU choose what movie is being watched, what game is being played.  You make sure he doesn't always win the game.  Make sure he has to share his prized possessions.  Make him earn his favorite things with good behavior.  Reward him and give positive reinforcement for good choices.  

I have used love and logic with my kids and our school system endorses it.  I find it very effective---  consequences are the teacher rather than you being angry.  

But, what is the school doing when these episodes happen?  One thing you can start doing is talking to your son about his peers.  Point out to him that he is disrupting others so they can't learn (which he is).  That kids will get angry and not want to play with him (which they will).  That he needs to be a good friend to the other kids and not take away their school time by his actions which disrupt the class.  This will impact his friendships as he'll be the kid that other kids knows gets in trouble. Then parents know because kids talk or they observe and it affects his reputation and how he is perceived, this means he won't be invited over or to a birthday party, etc.  Talk to him about that.  Some kids find this motivating for self control.

If you notice self control issues often, do look into add/adhd or sensory.  good luck
189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
   Very good points by Specialmom.  One thing I should have mentioned is the school needs to handle things done at school and you need to handle things done at home.  In other words, don't punish him for things done at school.  It just doesn't work at this age.  However, teaching him how to react at school as Specialmom said is important.
     You might also look into a series of books aimed at this age group.  Its called the best behavior series and includes titles like "Know and follow Rules,"  "Listen and Learn", "Share and take turns."  Info can be found here -                  http://www.amazon.com/Follow-Rules-Cheri-Meiners-M-Ed/dp/1575421305/ref=pd_sim_14_5?ie=UTF8&dpID=61HJUw9wxKL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&refRID=0P352PVS7QSJ6VR7HNN7
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