overly affectionate 6 year old girl

[jg827]

Is it normal for my 6 year old daughter to be overly affectionate with the older men in her life.  For instance, when I went to her school to watch her receive an award, she tried to sit in my lap and hang all over me.  None of the other kids in her school were doing this with their parents.  I told her to stop and she did, but other family members continue to let her do it.  My wife is really bothered that her Uncle though marriage seems to almost encourage it (kisses her on lips and lets her sit on his lap) is that weird also?  How do we talk to people that she does this kind of behavior too without coming across like we are accusing of something? Am I overreacting?  

[Bec100]

The uncle is exhibiting classic signs of a molester. Your daughter doesn't need to be sitting on any mans lap or receiving any kisses from anyone giving off "grooming" signals. Most cases of moleststion happen from someone in the family or close to the family. They get the parents comfortable enough with their inappropriate behavior and touching, so that when the oppurtunity arises they are able to carry it further without being discovered. A child can be molested a room away or once your back is turned.

If a child is being sexually abused they will exhibit sexualized behavior. Even before a child is physically abused, sexual advances are felt, even if the child is unable to express verbally what is happening.

You feel uncomfortable because something is off. Pull her away from this uncle for awhile. Give it 6 weeks. During that time talk about appropriate/inappropriate behaviors. If a child has been touched and it felt good, they may not understand that it's still very wrong. They may feel worried to speak up.

If she is acting out in a way that makes you uneasy, chances are there is a very valid reason.

[Bec100]

The uncle is exhibiting classic signs of a molester. Your daughter doesn't need to be sitting on any mans lap or receiving any kisses from anyone giving off "grooming" signals. Most cases of moleststion happen from someone in the family or close to the family. They get the parents comfortable enough with their inappropriate behavior and touching, so that when the oppurtunity arises they are able to carry it further without being discovered. A child can be molested a room away or once your back is turned.

If a child is being sexually abused they will exhibit sexualized behavior. Even before a child is physically abused, sexual advances are felt, even if the child is unable to express verbally what is happening.

You feel uncomfortable because something is off. Pull her away from this uncle for awhile. Give it 6 weeks. During that time talk about appropriate/inappropriate behaviors. If a child has been touched and it felt good, they may not understand that it's still very wrong. They may feel worried to speak up.

If she is acting out in a way that makes you uneasy, chances are there is a very valid reason.

[SillyOlBilly]

Don't let her get in contact with your uncle. That part is definitely weird, at least a little. You need to explain to her what the limits and boundaries are in terms of affection with others as well as how it is wrong to go beyond the boundaries in such situations.

[SillyOlBilly]

But don't make it sound like you're accusing her. It could just be normal.

[OldSchoolDr]

It is not uncommon for a 6 year old boy or girl to be very affectionate and may even have a favorite adult.  I would however talk with the child if he/she is affectionate to strangers.  I would also have a talk with the uncle and ask that he not encourage it but let her come to him.
You didn't say anything about how she acts with total strangers who try to be friendly.  Have a friend of yours who she does not know come up and be friendly to her.  Keep your distance and wait and see if she becomes affectionate to the stranger.  If she does, you need to start some intervention.  

[Bec100]

And no you are NOT overreacting! Reading this has alarm bells going off. This uncle is not right! When you feel uneasy and your wife feels uneasy there is a reason why.

I encourage you to shower your daughter with healthy love and attention while teaching her step by step what unhealthy attention looks and feels like.

It's ok to be this affectionate with me and mom, but kissing on lips and sitting on other people's laps is not a good idea. Teach healthy boundaries and appropriate ways of expressing affection. And let her know it's never ok for an adult or another child to touch her private places or ask her to touch theirs, even if they seem happy or like they are playing s game.

It's best to just never allow her to be in a situation where she has to defend herself from that. So, if you can't cut the uncle completely out I would let her know you aren't comfortable with her sitting in his lap, kissing, or being alone with him. And I sure would let him know to stop that behavior as you and your wife are teaching her how to be safe and have healthy boundaries.

If he doesn't understand or is offended, that's his problem. Your little girls safety comes first.

[MagooNumber5]

I thoroughly agree with Bec100.  I heard alarm bells when reading about this uncle as well.  A child sitting on an adult's lap seems innocent.  But, when it is with a grown man, who is not the child's father, kissing that child on the lips is definitely out of bounds, in my opinion.

I also agree that while you are teaching her healthy boundaries, you make darn sure he knows you are doing so.  If he is truly a good person, he will understand that you are doing it for her safety and be happy to help protect her.  I believe only a sexual predator would be offended that you interfered.  Trust your instincts!

[luiggii]

She is too young for this to even be considered a problem. Maybe she just needs more attention than what you are giving her , or she feels insecure.

[ReneeGruff]

No its not. Trust me she isnt too young. I did the same thing not realizing the horrible ramifications to my actions I wish my parents spoke to me. So talk to her. Uou might save her from what happened to me. Good luck.