What is normal sexual behavior in a toddler?

[boyandgirlmom]

I am uncertain as to normal sexual behavior in a toddler.  I am a stay at home mom and rarely leave my children except with a babysitter that we have used for quite some time.  Beginning last week my 3 year old son (soon to be 4) started displaying an increase in sexual behavior.  The behavior began with playing a "secret game" with his 2 year old sister and he was attempting to take off his underwear and have his sister do the same.   I asked what he was doing and he said it was a secret.  I let it go momentarily because i was at a loss how to handle it.  Then they were playing with her barbie and he took her clothes off and wanted to be alone in his room with the barbie-i peeked in to see the naked barbie on the bed and he was about to take off his underwear.  As a result, I spoke with my son and explained to him that it was not appropriate to take off his underwear and has his sister do the same.  I also explained that i understood he thought the barbie was pretty but it was not appropriate behavior.  Anyhow, since this occurrence he will have self imposed erection at least once a day and it could occur when he is suppose to be using the bathroom or in the bathtub.  My first question is what behavior is appropriate and at what point should i be concerned?  My second question is how do i handle it correctly?  

[margypops]

As he is insistant it was a game it makes you wonder as at 3 year old how would he think to make up a Game like that? you say the Babysitter has not been around for a month did she leave or go on vacation and the time Frame wouldnt matter. Hey ,what you are trying to make sure is that if it was something he has seen or copied even if it was inapropiate TV it doesnt happen again, Ask your Doctor for his opinion,Incidently does he watch TV with anyone other than you or is the PC on with anyone other than you , he could have seen it there, that would also make him say it was a game.

[boyandgirlmom]

We have 15 kids on our cul de sac ranging from 3 months to 15 years of age.  With that being said I am very aware of where my children are and who they are playing with and what they are playing.  I don't allow my kids into other people's houses without me being there.  I cannot think of a time that my kids are alone with other people.  We go to church but the nursery always has two workers in the nursery and there was not a moment of hesitation there.  In fact, my husband is never alone with my children, he often works late nights and i always bathe them.  The thing with my babysitter does not make sense because she has not been around for about a month and these behaviors began less than a week ago.  Is it feasible to think that he made up the game himself-that is what he has told me and i have asked him multiple times.  Should I continue to push the issue?  I have all intentions of speaking with my pediatrician about the behavior...I was going to wait till his physical but it might behoove me to proceed with the conversation as quickly as possible.    

[margypops]

If you read all the Posts we are thinking on the same page, it may not be the Baby sitter , who else has access to being alone with your son,now or in the recent past ,have you visited any one?

[twin_mom]

Hi -

The erections are normal.  My girlfriends son was so proud the first time he made his penis grow that he got out of the bathtub and ran to show her.  It was a great game to him for a couple of weeks and then disappeared.  I'm sure he has erections but it isn't that big of a deal now.

The "secret" is a huge red flag.  Actually, I don't think there is a bigger flag.  I would call the peditrician on this one, talk to your babysitter and any school your child might be in.  To me it sounds like someone is trying to "prep" your son to keep a secret before molesting him.  This is a huge deal.  If your doctor blows you off check into the local police station and talk to their community liason.  That person spends most of their time explaining "stranger danger" and "good touch, bad touch" to small children.  They will be able to help you explain "bad touch" to your child in an age appropriate manner and explain why "secrets" are never kept from parents.

You might also look into "Safety School" through the park district.  They teach kids when to call 911, how to stop, drop and roll as well as stranger danger and good / bad touch.  Their good skills for any kid to have.

twin_mom

[boyandgirlmom]

Thanks for the advice.  Maybe I am incorrect about the self imposed erection.  The reason I used that terminology was because I thought he brought it on because it would be when he was in the bathtub or going to the bathroom and he was definitely was aware of the erection.  To clarify, the secret game has only happened once and i have asked him numerous times if he has played this with anyone and that it is okay to tell mommy secrets-he insists that he made the game up.  I would be highly surprised if this babysitter were to allow them to watch inappropriate programming but I would not allow that to be overlooked.  I have been paying attention and there has not been any additional secret game play or involvement of his sister; however, the erections have been more frequent.  

[margypops]

I agree with the other posts the thing of concern here is that he is displaying what sounds like a learned behavior, the erection is normal ,observe what is happening and who he is alone with ask him exact questions ,"Who does That" and "can I know the secret" if it is someone else very often they are told to keep it a secret between them, or things like "I wont be able to play with you if you tell" Observation is the key.

[g8r grl]

I'm also a little concerned about the "secret game." I'm usually not quick to jump to conclusions, but it sounds a little strange this time. I'm also worried that he was going to take his underwear off to be naked with the Barbie...how would a 3-year-old know to do this? I agree that erections happen all of the time in young boys...my son is 2 and has never (to my knowledge) given himself an erection on purpose.

Does the babysitter have anyone over? Friends? Guys? Do you think she might watch TV shows with him that may not be appropriate? Any other ideas of where he may have seen anything?

Kids have a natural sexual curiousity, but it sounds like your son may have seen this behavior somewhere.

Maybe I'm wrong...hopefully someone else comes forward and has better advice. I hope that you figure this out.

[RockRose]

A self-imposed erection?  I don't know what that means.

I have three boys,  and all my boys,  even in newborn infancy,  had erections.  

My real concern is your 3 year old calls this "the secret game".  Where did he get that?