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Avatar universal

Why does my son have mixed feelings towards me?

My son is very confusing. He will go on my iPad for hours - not exaggerated. The worst part is, if I try and take the iPad off him, he will throw a tantrum, but get aggressive. He will pull my hair and kick my shins and knees, I have tried getting help from school, consolation people, therapists for my son but nothing seems to be working. He wets the bed every night and wants me to sleep beside him. This cannot continues as he is 10 years old, yet he insists on being naked in bed. This is not due to sexual feelings, I am 100% sure but due to the fact that he wants to annoy me. My husband is the main worker of the house and I have a very low paid job - early morning shift. I wanted to get some sleep and told my son this yet he wants to annoy me on purpose. I know he really likes me inside.  I have another child, a 12 year old daughter - who is as good as gold, but she’s more a dads girl.
2 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Sorry you are having these struggles.  I am a mom of boys and one in particular has been challenging.  Early on though, establishing that **I** am the parent and he is the child helped.  This needs to happen in your house.  There needs to be firm consequences in place.  Firm expectations.  I'd first, not allow the ipad at all.  That can be something he earns rather than something he has and you are taking away.  Good behavior earns a half hour of ipad time.  Throw a fit?  Two days with no ipad at all.  Hitting, kicking or anything of that sort needs to have a zero tolerance policy.  If he conducts himself in that way---  the consequences are severe.  No extracurricular activities including ipad, tv, movies, friends over, sports after school etc.  Think about what he loves and it's gone.  He's 10 and has very stunted ability to manage his emotions.  So, picture his being 4 and go back to basics to teach him how he can share when he is upset and what he can't do (use words to express himself, clench his fists, deep breath, all okay.  lashing out physically or screaming, not allowed).  You can role play it for him.

Urinating during sleep is not uncommon believe it or not. The statistic is that 12 percent of all kids do this until age 9.  The statistic goes down a bit for every year older they get.  Have you talked to your doctor about it?  Some kids are deep sleepers and don't get the signal.  

Your son -insisting- on sleeping naked.  Since when does a 10 year old make the rules?  If he's in his own room and takes his clothes off, so be it.  But NOT in your room.  You also have every right to say no to sleeping with you.  No works.  Or at least it should.  I realize his reactions are bad and hold you in fear but you have to get over that.  

And where is his dad in all of this?  He needs to be involved and backing you up.  No son, you can not do X.  Set these strict boundaries and hold them no matter how drastic his reaction is initially.  He'll thank you for it later as he will be a better person for it.  Our job is to raise kids to be functioning, reasonable adults.  It's part of parenting and not always the easiest thing to do.  but you HaVE to do that for his sake (and yours).  And, of course, praise him whenever he does the right thing.

By the way, how does he do in school?  
Avatar universal
I have fair experience with disobedient children. I need to ask some questions: How often do you give in? Does he always do this? Has he always done this? If you do give in, I have a simple solution. Say no. Never give in.
Here are the steps.
1.Warning. Tell him not to do it and why.
2.Second warning. Tell and explain more firmly this time and threaten to punish him.
3.Give him a time out. Normally I would say 10 is too old for time outs, but he's acting like a three year old so he's going to be treated like one. Explain why he's in time out calmly but firmly even if he's not listening. Pick him up or whatever you have to do to get him to timeout or to stay in timeout without hurting him. Repeat why he's in timeout and explain that he has to stay quietly in timeout to get out. If he keeps getting out, fighting or screaming, or playing with something in timeout, just quietly put him back or take away what he's playing with. Stand a few feet away to make sure he stays. An average timeout is a few minutes, with minutes added for every time he disobeyed after being out in timeout. If he obeys he has to apologize and be let out.
4.Threaten to be put to bed. If he keeps nonstop disobeying after a few minutes, threaten to put him to bed.
5.Threaten to put to bed again.
6.Put him to bed. Do the same as timeout except let him throw a tantrum, and just quietly shut him inside his room. Wait it out, and then when it's over, talk to him gently about what he's not supposed to do.
7.If you reach step 6 often, start taking away privileges (treats, tv, electronics, going out for fun).
Hope this helped! It worked for me, so I help he improves aswell!
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