Wild 3 year old boy

[grohegirl]

I have a very bright, intelligent and outgoing 3 year old son. He is in pre-school, but seems to be further along mentally than the rest of his class. He knows his ABC's and has even started to identify very small words. He can count to 30 and enjoys putting together puzzles with at least 24 pieces all by himself. He enjoys building towers and rockets with blocks and legos and he even tries to draw letters using his left and right hands. However, he is very strong-willed and demanding. He resists every effort towards potty training... although, he has been doing a little better lately. He is very aggressive with other children; pushing, hitting, kicking and throwing things... and usually with no reason. When he is asked why he did that... he replies that he just had to do it. He is very smart-mouthed already... which I find shocking. He makes up excuses and even tells fibs or blames someone else (even the dog) for something he has done. At his pre-school they are fed up with his behavior, but they do not discipline at all except to redirect him from a situation. They will not even do time-out... (which, by the way, I am looking into a different school) I have tried time-out at home, but it doesn't fase him. I have taken his toys away, doesn't fase him. The only thing that does work is to spank his bottom... (this is always very controlled on my part). However, this only works for me and my husband... what about his grandparents, babysitters, teachers.... etc... How can such a smart child be so defiant and so young? Don't get me wrong... when he WANTS to be... he is quite the charmer and sweet as sugar. He can melt even the hardest of hearts, but he is breaking mine.
I am thinking of putting him in a "true" Montessori environment, because I think maybe he is frustrated at his school and he seems to behave better when he is mentally challenged.
Any advice?

[bree98]

I am in the same boat as you my daughter is going to be turning three in December. She is very bright  knows all letters numbers and can even write her name. She has a great drawling ability already. I pay more than a state college tuition for her school and she has difficulty.  She is very demanding, manipulative and aggressive at times. My other daughter is a polar opposite. I am still trying to refine techniques to correct her behavior I always kid she is my ADD child because she is difficult. I have to think she has many similar behavior that I did when I was a child. I consider putting her in a new school because she is ahead of the other kids and maybe she is need more. My daughter also resist potty training. I thought about this for some time and feel she needs to remain where she is and learn to socialize and work within the guideline of her class.  If I move her it will only reinforce that she can manipulate her situation and she might have problems at the other school as well.  Active children who have a sense of self are always difficult for parents and teachers. At times exhausting, embarrassing and frustrating.  But my other daughter who was a dream all her teachers love her I could take her anywhere gets jealous of her sister.  She feels as though her sister is not afraid to do things, can create fun, and knows what she wants.  
She feels as though she is too afraid to try things, needs someone else to come up with an idea and is never sure of what she wants.  My one daughter is my husband and my three year old is me. Our children will be leaders just embrace the differences  and they will eventually be potty trained and learn to socialize themselves.

[Mommy3Girls]

Hi I have similar problems with my 7 yer old daughter. Your son may be a bit young to be diagnosed with anything other than being 3, but Google O.D.D. and look to see what it says about symptoms. It described my daughter to a T. It could be helpful.

[DustyL]

I wouldn't change schools b/c if the no time out issue in itself but you mentioned "At his pre-school they are fed up with his behavior" well i would be fed up too because they don't discipline his bad behavior so naturally it's not going to get any better!  as far as ADD.... I do not believe ANY child under the age of 5 should even be LOOKED at for ADD!!!! There kids, they are SUPPOSED to be wired. if they weren't I would be concerned =]

I would Definately look into the book... it did wonders for me and my 2 =] Good Luck!!!

[grohegirl]

Thanks for your post... I aggree that he needs to change schools and I am looking into other possibilities.  I think I will look into the book you suggested. I thought I had read them all, but I will check that out. I am meeting with his pediatrician next week to discuss his behavior. I just hate to change schools again. I changed him over a year ago, because the previous school said I should look into medication for him because he obviously has ADD. I told them... "Of course he has ADD, he's 2." So I took him out of that school and moved him to Bright Horizons... it is quite $$, but at the time, for what they offered, I thought it was worth it. Now, I wonder what am I paying for.

Thanks again.

[DustyL]

First and foremost CHANGE DAYCARE/SCHOOL Time out should be implimented at school if thats your form of punishment at home. You're fighting against the wind if they are unwilling to go along with your form of punishment. Re-direction is good, but violence should NOT be tolorated nor RE-DIRECTED!!!! It should be punished 100% of the time. School should be a re-enforcement of your decissions, not the total opposite! Go to the book store and purchase Lynn Clarkes 'SOS Help for Parents' I read it and I think you will find it quite useful yourself!!!! It answers all the questions you mentioned and helps you re-adjust your 'punishments' at home!!!

Good Luck!