anger management

[dancingmonkeymama]

My son doesn't want to get a hair cut and it has been too long for him.  He looked very messy.  I went to his school and found out that his classmates all look not that neat.  So, I told him that I want to dress well, walk well, sit well and first of it, he needs to get his hair cut.  When I took him to the shop and he refused to go in.  I forced him in and have him sit down to discuss how he wants his hair get cut.  He came up with tears and told me he is going to kill me.  I was shocked.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It would be prudent to arrange an evaluation with a pediatric mental health professional for the purpose of considering whether the behaviors your son is displaying are secondary to am emotional disorder like depression. At the same time, the clinician can guide you re: behavior management. For a start re: behavior, read Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents (see www.sosprograms.com).

[dancingmonkeymama]

My son is 10.  I guess I didn't give him any choice for getting the hair cut then because his hair is messy from my point of view.  Plus, I noticed he never sits straight, stands straight and talks to people with eye contact.  He's in the GT public school ES program and used to be 2 grades ahead.  After transferring from private school 4 years ago to public school, his grade is gradually dropping from A's to C's.  He shows no motivation and stay low pass to all school subject.  He seems only interested playing video games, watching TV and fighting with his younger brother.  Worse is his anger and bad attitude toward to parents.  I don't know what did I do wrong or when did I do wrong.  Please help!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

How old is your son? Was his behavior out of character for him when he refused your direction about getting his hair cut? Is he generally oppositional or defiant? In general, such a comment, uttered in anger, is not outside the norm. It reflects anger that is generated by a feeling of powerlessness. It is not uttered with an intention of harming you. My guess is that you could have gone about this in a more thoughtful manner, but admittedly I am only assuming that. Perhaps you were left with no choice other than to literally drag him into the shop. If you would describe the situation with more detail I'll be glad to comment further.