Avatar universal

are my grandchildren abused/neglected

I have 3 grandchildren and I believe 2 of them are neglected/emotionally abused.

One is deaf in one ear, but parent's say she was being "stubborn" and deliberately failed test. Another was diagnosed with a level of autism, but parents say "good thing she's pretty. It'll get her by since she's so slow". They do nothing about it. The youngest is "pretty, smart, and a good kid". Oldest having problems at school because she's a "c**t, a f**king b***h, and just a mean person. This is their father's words to me. He swears he would never say this to them, but that "he is a straight forward person who tells the truth". When I said we never saw any signs of that, he said "always been that way, just good at hiding it.

Mother has diagnosed mental health issues and I have repeatedly heard her call the oldest an "f**king pansy" to her face because "she thinks she's tough but backs down when we call her on it". Father agrees and yells at child at same time.

Yes, I've reported them to CPS for filth, neglect, emotional abuse and more than once. Last time for mice living in child's bed. Mother is a hoarder. Father had been out of town and came home and cleaned before CPS came out, 2 weeks later!! CPS said everyone yells at their children sometimes. Everyone who has children has a messy house.

Oldest was spanked for telling (they thought she told) and children were told they were not to talk about anything at home with anyone.

They had moved to same area we were in and father went out of town to work. We were expected to handle kids. Make doctors appointments. Take children to doctor "if you think she's sick, you take care of it". Autistic child had been sick for month and slept all the time. She had severe ear infection. I had same doctor and discussed situation with him. He ignored me. If the youngest so much as sniffles, she's at the doctor.

Father rarely keeps job. Mother states she can't work because "She's a mom and that's a full time job". Her words. When father lost last job, he stated mother "can't work because she's sick". When we ask to have her family help father says "the ones that could won't".

Father always blamed job losses on mother. "She didn't want me gone. She blows all our money when I'm gone. She parties all the time when I'm gone".

Every time job lost, we were expected to pay ALL bills, groceries, gas, etc. When I tried to talk about the cutting back on expenditures, I was told by mother, "you only help so you can control us". For the first time in 10 years, I lost it and started yelling. I am so ashamed of my behavior. But with everything else going on, we decided to get away from situation. Father said that would be better for mother and promised to protect the children. Although "they're tough. They'll be fine."

We are only allowed to talk to children when father is in the room. He does let them call on holidays and birthdays, but if I call and ask to talk to them, "they're busy today". He monitors all conversations with children. We're also being told children won't be allowed to visit us during holidays or vacation because it would upset Mother. They won't come and bring children because "you don't like Mother".

If we try to discuss counselling or give advise to father, we're not being "supportive". "Making him feel useless".

We always paid for almost everything for the children; clothes, lunches, school supplies, extracurricular activities, diapers, formula because "they couldn't afford it".

After the last job loss. This one might have been layoff, we said "no more!" You have one month to get on feet, then we're done. Except for extracurricular activity. We had them in martial arts and oldest is close to junior black belt. She loves it!!! We will pay for that. He made them drop out anyway. Said they could go again when he could pay for it and oldest is willing to behave.

I could go on for hours. I've called CPS again. What do I expect them to do?  Nothing!!!

This is making me sick with worry

Any ideas??
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189897 tn?1441126518
   Thanks for the reply.  Now that you have found us - keep in touch.
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Avatar universal
Thanks Sandman, I actually realized that after my most recent response-- that I hadn't been checking the dates, because some other user started a reply with "You probably don't need an answer to this anymore, but..." :-) And yeah it was through Googling.
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189897 tn?1441126518
   Hi, supermom1234.  You have posted some really good  and detailed messages.  Unfortunately, most of them are to posts which are more then a year old.   My experience is that people seldom check back after a few weeks, much less many months.  
   Please take the time to check the date of the original posts so that all of your good ideas are not wasted in the void of the internet.
    Actually, I would love to know how you even found the posts since on this site they would be buried quite deeply in past posts.  Had you googled something and found the posts?
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Avatar universal
I am so sorry. This must be really difficult. It sounds like you've already done everything you know how, and CPS has not been doing its job.

Make them.

Keep calling. Make a careful, organized list of all the reasons you are concerned-- from the horrifically violent language the father uses to describe his children, to the mice in the bed (and be sure to mention that Dad was away and then quickly cleaned everything up before CPS arrived because they took too damn long to do their job), to the fact that they are monitoring all conversations you have with the children since they know you've been calling CPS.

Call the cops too. Talk to the kids' school administrators, psych people, etc. Make sure as many people surrounding these children as possible know of the dangers they face at home. If you feel safe enough doing this yourself, or maybe with a friend or relative who you trust, try just swinging by their place unannounced at times when you expect the children will be home. Ask to speak to them and record what happens if possible (I think most smartphones have a way of doing this, or you can get a spy pen or something like that but that would be more $$$). If you manage to get allowed inside the house, take pictures of anything that shouldn't be there, like mice in the bed.

Make sure that if you're communicating with CPS, school officials or anyone else via email, that you are both saving AND printing those emails-- including follow-ups you may send a month later because no one replied to your first email.

Lastly, if you are unable to take care of the children yourself, try to find a relative or, failing that, a close friend with a clean criminal record and steady income who would be willing to take on the children. Knowing that the children have a better place to go and will not end up wards of the state might light a fire under CPS's *ss.

Best of luck to you and please, don't ever give up. Just keep making a big fuss and keep records of EVERYTHING!!!!
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