child hitting infant

[aim7407]

Hi there, I hope this question is directed toward a doc. I have an almost 3 year old niece that is very defiant and sometimes just mean spirited. I know that is probably withing the range of normal, but the thing that disturbs me is that she seems to target my infant son (7 mos old) . I caught her one day about to hit my son who was Sleeping soundly in his carrier. She reared back and was about to smack him with a punching ball. Seemingly for no reason at all, there was no provocation. He was not getting attention , either was she,  so it's not as though she was trying to gain attention we were at church and my sis and I were talking about 10 feet away while we kept an eye on them. I know she didn't know we were looking, because when my sister and I said "don't you dare do that" she jumped  a bit and looked our way, shocked like she'd been caught. My sister did punish her for this with a time out. She also seems determined to jump on him and land on him, thereby hurting him. She does this repeatedly , even after she's been told numerous times that doing so will hurt the baby, and given time outs for it. She seems determined to hurt him. She sometimes refers to him as an "it". I know she is young, and jealousy has occured to me, but these unprovoked attacks on him, worry me. She is very unaffectionate also, and hates to be touched. If you try to hug her, or gently stroke her hair, or dress her, she'll say things like "ouch don't touch me" , or "you hurt me" . She never wanted to be cuddled as a baby, still doesn't.  I just wonder if her behavior is outside the range of normal, or if the aggression towards a helpless baby is totally normal. Could there be a deeper behavioral issue that is developing?  Could you please advise? Thanks so much

[aim7407]

Thank you so much for your reply. I definitely never allow her to be alone with my son now. I will try to find a gentle way of urging my sister to get her evaluated when she's three. I love my niece dearly, and don't want her to have any issues, but I have had a feeling ever since she was a baby that something might be not quite right. Thank you again for your prompt reply, you've been a great help.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is not unusual for young children to display some envy of, and aggression toward, a younger sibling. It is the norm for young children to be ambivalent about the presence of a younger sibling. Young (i.e., pre-school) children require close supervision around siblings and should never be left alone with them. Now, having said that, your niece's behavior is outside the norm and is a cause for concern. Your sister managed the situation well - i.e., she utilized time out, and this should continue for any act of aggression. In addition, though, it would be wise to arrange an evaluation with a pediatric mental health clinician, for the purpose of determining if your niece is displaying the early signs of emotional disorder. It would also be wise to arrange an evaluation with an Occupational Therapist to investigate the presence of a Sensory Integration problem. This evaluation might be arranged either through Early Intervention or through the local school system (once she turns thre). It could also be accomlished via health insurance - her pediatrician could make the referral.