daughter ¿phaseing? and i need realy some help

[KHBlion]

Hi i need some help.... “i think“ “or am i over reacting“ it started off when my friend called to just talk with me. then he menchened he caught “my little girl” my daughter with  his son doing some kissing it didnt bother me at first.But a week later at my home i was on my way up to get on the computer until i saw her with my son “5 yr old” i went and checked on them and she said she was helping him put on a fresh pair of undeis sense he peed in the one he had on. I didnt pay no mind to it cause she dress her self and he dosent my wife babys him and my little girl does every thing for him like a mom. So i went on way to the computer when i was done i saw they were still there i asked if he poped  himself to she said no. He was arousad to but i paid no attention to that cause he has been telling me lately every time the girl on the comercial starts danceing his pee-pee gets hard “the comercial was the cell phone one where the girl start grinding on the man” i just thought he was an early bloomer.but while i was down stairs it dawned on me she was probily playing with his penis i went back up and they were their  but she decided to strip him bare naked and his face was red from blushing all she had on were here panties and ankle socks. I didnt freak out and tell her not to because i didnt want to hurt my relationship with her.So instead i said let mom do that for you she started asking why so realy quickly i said cause in takeing you to get some ice cream with me which didnt make sense because it was so cold out i was happy about how fast she jumped up and got some clothing on.We still got the ice cream and got to spend some father daughter time and me and her ended the day with a big hug and a I LOVE YOU. Nothing strange happend for a couple of days exept she hung out with me more than usaual which i enjoyed.but this one night it was bath time and me and my wife swich bath buddys “as my 5 yr old calls it”every night and this night was me and my little girls bath night and this day me and her basiciy spent evrey second togeather cause it was my off day from work.but any way i couldnt belive what she done we were showering and i was rinseing my hair about to rinse hers when it came to my attention that her head height is a little over my waist cause for some reason her mind noticed that and sometning else and she decided to put her mouth on my penis like she had  a dogg bone in her mouth i quickly said for her to turn around so i can wash her hair the rest of that shower she sat in my lap that way the whole time she wouldnt be having to look at my penis  and so nothing else happends like that.Then just yesterdays bath with her was in the shower too because she complained how she hates the bath tub and i acshuly forgot what happend the last time we showered but sadly she won the fight but i did remembered we sat last time and so we sat this time and i got my memory back half way through about the time when i picked up the shampo bottel from between her legs so i can shampo her hair and she noticed she could see my penis at first i didnt know she was looking at it she did however start asking queastions which most of them i just said ask your mom that but the end of the queastions hapened about the time she said why do wee-wees look like this and picked up mine through her legs its a good thing we just so happed to be done cause i picked her arms and legs up in my arms so we can go get dried off and in that one motiom made her drop my wee-wee and i just kept her mind on other things.So first of all is this normal curiosity because it seemed way to intense for her age just so you know shes 7 yr old. Second what should i be telling her when she does this kind of stuff? please tell me what do im tryihg to be a good dad she can still openly talk with.                  

[Ashelen]

I am so happy that you talked to her!! You did exactly the right thing and she'll know you love her, even if she's a little confused right now. I'm soooo glad you figured out where she learned that behavior of putting a penis in her mouth... I think you probably managed to stop a bad situation from getting worse by getting involved just in the nick of time. And definitely setting boundaries is going to help ALL of you; as well as getting her to a child psychologist to make sure there's no underlying issues of abuse in her past..

all i can say is, good job! I think you're doing all the right things for your little girl and you're all on the right track now... keep at it, even if she's confused or pretends to be hurt, you know you're doing the best for her in the long run, and her initial reactions will wear off as she realizes of COURSE you still love her and of COURSE you want to be with her...it's just time for her to be a big girl and be more independent. I'm very happy for your family it sounds like you guys are on the right path.

[Victoria01]

I am so glad you had a talk with her about the baths and the 'friend'. I hope this will help solve some of these issues and getting a child psychologist involved is a good thing. Good luck to you and it looks like you are on the right path for you daughter.

[KHBlion]

I read the comments and so im acting on some.Today i  sat her down and explained that she she would have to take baths by her self cause shes a big girl and she can start being independent.she didnt like the idea at first cause later on my wife told me she looked sad and then asked if her daddy still loved her.After i explained how she is just to old to shower with mom and dad and that i still lover in a father daughter kinda way.After i talked with her i called my friend and explained my situation to him he said he will keepp a closer watch on his son and my daughter when shes at his house and iwill be doing the same waith my son and daughtrer.Im planing to set more boundaries soon as well as  psychologically evaluated if possible.And i comfronted her about the penis and mouth sitchuation and where she got an idea like that and turns out one of her friends who is a boy got alone with her and told her to do it and me and my wife agreed she shouldnt ba hamging out with people like that.But we are getting through to her hopefully.

[Ashelen]

I agree with the other ladies, but I would add 2 things..

First, you need to get her psychologically evaluated by a counselor who can determine whether this is normal (if extreme) curiosity, or a symptom of a bigger problem. There may be some sexual abuse going on somewhere in her life (or somewhere in her past) that you are missing, because these behaviors do not just "occur" in a normal child who is not exposed to this kind of behavior...while she MAY have seen it somewhere and learned it, you need to get her seen and evaluated for her safety.

Also: I absolutely agree that it is inappropriate at this point for you to shower with your daughter. She obviously realizes that you're a male, and to de-sensitize her and expose her to a penis so frequently at this point in her life (when she has clearly noticed gender differences) is setting up trouble, which is manifesting itself in situations with the boys you mentioned... It's way safer for a little girl to think penises are gross and have cooties than it is for them to accept the sight of them and feel comfortable touching and being touched by them. She needs to feel comfortable with HER body, and understand that nakedness is nothing to be ashamed of, but for her to be this cavalier about touching penises, she is lacking serious boundaries and they need to be established asap.

You seem to really love your daughter, so you need to get her professional help NOW and make sure that she is not being sexually abused. even if there is no abuse going on, these issues need professional help before they spiral out of control.

Like Victoria said, curiosity is normal, but some of these behaviors she's exhibiting are raising red flags to me.

so either way, best to get help now. It may be nothing, she may be an early bloomer, but you don't want to have missed something serious that could damage her in the future.

[specialmom]

Maybe it is time to stop showering with your daughter . . .

[Victoria01]

It sounds to me like you should not keep avoiding the actions, but to speak to her about privacy and private parts. Also, she is too old to be taking showers with daddy, especially now that she is beginning to understand there is a difference. My son is only 3 1/2 and no longer takes baths or showers with me or his father. Children need to know while the naked body is fine, it is their private body (and yours too) and touching someone else is not appropriate.

While curiosity is normal, she really needs to understand that she cannot touch other people's private parts and NOBODY should be touching hers. She is old enough to bathe herself and while you or her mother (preferably mom at this age) should be around to help her, she should be doing it alone. She needs to understand there are boundaries and it doesn't seem like she has any.

If you keep ignoring the issue, she won't understand that it is something she shouldn't be doing. Don't put it completely on mom to talk to her, she also needs a male perspective.

Like I said, this could easily be normal curiosity, but I would also question why should would put your penis in her mouth. This is NOT normal. Has she seen this somewhere like on TV or at home?