dicouragedmom

[laura2210]

1st question what do i do when my 3 year old daughter will absoluletly will not use the potty, she is due to start
school this coming fall. we have been trying to use the potty since she was 2 and a half.    2nd question i cant get either of my children to take naps or go to bed at night  and i am at my wits end there are times i just want to scream please help me

[Disneymom13]

My six year old was the same way! We decided that we would make a reward system and every time she used the bathroom  the right way she got a gold fish cracker or M&M.2nd get night lights and turn them on before bed and turn the tv on and set a timer for along time and they will hopefully stay in there.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I second Adgal's comments.

I have two boys and neither were potty trained by 3.  3.5 is the average age for potty training boys.  I tried not to worry because they all get there eventually.  And the more I worried, the bigger the struggle.  I don't know if it is one of those things kids think they can control, so they force the issue of doing it on their own time.  My younger son was wrapped up in being my 'baby' and didn't want to get potty trained.  He was advanced and verbal and would simply tell me that babies don't wear underwear.  Grrr.  Finally, I just looked at him and said "can you just get potty trained already?" and he said 'okay'.  And I swear that he was potty trained from  that moment on without accidents day or night.  There are advantages to the older potty trainer.  My older boy potty trained younger and it took some time to get it down.  

So, as adgal says, I'd completly back off.  Once in a while, ask her if she wants to go potty.  If she still seems uninterested, let it go.  Then this summer-----  try again.  I'd just start taking her to the bathroom on a schedule, maybe every 45 minutes.  My boys also only wore things that were easy up and down, elastic waists so getting in and out would be easier for them.

At 3  your child may be ready to give up her nap.  My boys napped for a long time but they are big sleeper.  Not all kids are.  I did something that helped in many ways with my boys.  I had 'quiet time' at our house.  Both boys went to their rooms and they had to stay in the room for an hour.  During that time they could sleep or play quietly by themselves.  The plus side of this is that if they wanted to nap, they learned to be in their room by themselves and to go to sleep alone without any mommy help.  Another plus is that they learned to entertain themselves independently for a period of time.  And the third plus, mom got a bit of a break that she needed!!  My kids would look at books, play with toys, play dress up or sleep.  They had to do it quietly and low key.  My boys can now go off and read a book on their own and be content.  They learned the art of down time (they are now 8 and 6.).  They are a really active duo so this down time is really good for them.  

And when my boys did finally give up the nap, they slept better at night.  I also think lots of physical activity during the day makes for a better nights sleep.  My oldest boy went through a period in which he didn't want to go to bed.  We had a clear routine in place and I stuck to it.  It was relaxing, calming.  Then I'd take him to his room and he'd get in bed.  I'd say "I've got something I've got to do, I'll be back in a couple of minutes".  Then I'd leave for 5 minutes.  Then I'd poke my head in and say "you're doing good, I'll be back in  a bit" and off I'd go.  I don't know why it worked to make it sound like I had things to do and come and go and often when i came back, I'd not say anything.  then he'd just be asleep.  When he tried to stay up and 'watch tv or talk to dad' in our bedroom, I'd say "five minutes" and stuck to it.  I'd even say a number on the digital clock and tell him when it gets to that number, time to go to our own room."  I always walked him back to his room if he got out of bed.  

They do challenge us but don't be discouraged.  You describe very common things that most kids do and it sounds like you are doing fine.  Just keep at it and remember, it is a work in progress.  She'll get it!  good luck

[adgal]

My son is younger and we are just beginning potty training.  THere is no doubt that when I push him, he then refuses.  So with the potty training, I think I would probably back right off of it for a few weeks.  Don't say a word about it at all and see if she becomes interested again.  Lot's of kids (from what I have read) are not potty trained at 3 yet.  And pushing kids that age or making a big deal out of it can just make the situation worse.

As for sleeping issues...boy do I understand that! My 2 year old still does not sleep through the night.  It's all I can do just to get him to stay in his own bed.  I had his Dr. check him out to make sure there was no medical issue first.  There isn't, so now we just keep working on it.  I often sit by his bed, lights off and rub his back gently.  I have a stuffed puppy that plays lullabye's that he likes, and we turn that on as well.  These things seem to help sooth him.  We have good nights and bad nights.  Try reading the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Baby.  

I will tell you, in your post you sound really stressed out.  I get that as parenting is hard work.  We all have times where we feel frustrated and overwhelmed.  I know that my child definately acts out more when he senses I am stressed out.  They are amazingly capable of picking up on our emotions.  So I find that when I am beginning to feel that way, sometimes it helps to just take 5.  I make sure my son is safe and sound, then just walk away for even 2 or 3 minutes, take a few deep breathes, then return to the situation.  When I am calm he reacts far better to whatever is happening in our day.

Best of luck!