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doesn't listen

I have a 3 1/2 old son who stopped listening 4 months. He was always loving, did everything he was suppose to do. He has always been your typical 2-3. My husband and I did not go through the terrible 2's.

The end of the summer 2007 my father in law developed Dementia and he had to come live with us. He has been difficult, recently he started realizing he needed to be nice and not be as difficult to deal with. In saying this, it has been hard on our family. We are on our own. My son has been reacting since then. I am about to switch daycares for the 3rd time, most of this was not his fault. As soon as things change he becomes defiant. sometimes he does  not want to listen or sit in circle time. I thought about ADHD but he is not all over the place. He is defiant. He says he doesn't want to do something. I noticed alot of his behavior has been in daycare. If they change one thing, he reacts. Sometimes if he is asked to do something he acts if he doesn't hear you. He will contnue with his tasks. I have to pull him away from what he is doing. My response has been if you can't listen then you came play with this anymore and I will take his 1 hour of tv away from him. He has a good diet he sleeps really well. He is in bed at 8PM during daylight savings time otherwise  7:30PM, with no problem. The bad side he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. The mornings are tough because he starts being defiant again. My husband and I are concerned. We try to spend time with him. It also seems like needs constant attention. Yes, he is an only child.

The other thing we had a problem with is daycare. He would pick up one bad habit and it takes forever to get rid of. How do we stop the, shut your mouth? There are certain words and actions we deem bad language in the house. We got him out of the what and not saying excuse me when other people are talking. The daycare would call me because he would act like spiderman in class, one kid stop sleeping he stopped. Now daycare can't get him to sleep anymore. He hit the teacher with his lunch box and he told the teacher to shut her mouth. The daycare calls me at least 2-3 times a week to come and get him. He will pick up this behavior but he will go through extremes with it. I decided to start him at a new daycare that had more structure. His first day has been fair. Right now I am at a lost. I dont know what to do about him being so defiant
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Avatar universal
Its not entirely clear to me whether your father in law who has dementia is still living at your house or not. But if he is, this is causing stress on your child. Your child is witnessing you guys take care of an adult-- this throws things into his mind and scares him and makes him feel insecure. I suggest that your whole family seek counseling, if this is the case, to determine what you can do to make the best of this situation for both your father in law and your son.

I speak as a person whose father passed away from dementia last year. Up until about 7 mos prior to his passing, my father lived at home with his wife and my little sister-- she witnessed from the time she was 6 until she was 12 his deterioration, his increasing need for care, my stepmothers fight to try to keep everything together-- everything. It was very hard on her-- it conjures up feeling that are really hard to deal with, but she was older, so her reaction was different. This sounds like the reaction I would kind of expect with a 3 year old.

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Avatar universal
Thank you so much for the advice. Right now I am on pens and needles. My son is not having a good day. My father n law is not the nicest person. Since he moved in with us, our world has been turned upside down. My husband's entire family is off balance. They have been upset with him since he inherited everything. Becauseos that they do not call to see how there father is doing. Based on what I know about the past, I can't blame them. My son doesn't really go around him. It has been very difficult. I have been depressed because I have to make arrangements wo work home 1 day  during the week. I will also admit his last daycare, which was off balance as well. They did not have any structure there. now it is hard to break those bad habits.  He is still with them but I paid for another  daycare for the day, just to see how this one goes. I want the little boy that I had 4 months ago, he was loving and he listened. we had fun together. I know my son has felt my frustration with my father in law. We are working to try and put him in a home hopefully it will be sometime this year. We are planning to get counseling, We both agree, we know that is what we need.
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