excessive crying in a one year old

[pupsteacher]

I am a teacher at a daycare and I have a one year old little boy who cries constantly. The only time he doesn't cry is when he is being held in standing position. sitting with him, comforting him will not work. He has been in daycare for a few months and this is still continuing. His mother is bipolar and doesn't have a connection with him and his dad picks him up in the evening. Is there something wrong??? I first thought it was separation anxiety but shouldn't this have improved by now because I comfort him alot.He will watch for you to come close to him and will cry if you pass him by. He will throw himself on the floor also. I had a specialist working with another child and she said he should be checked out but she only saw him for a few minutes. I once thought there was something severly wrong with him untill I watched closer and he would watch you then cry if you got futher away from him. He will also follow you around the room crying. please tell me where to look or research for answers. we use birth to three alot but I like to try a plan in action first to see if it helps....any advise would be great

[Sumanadevii]

He is smarter than you think.  I would tap him gently on the lips with my index finger and say gently..."Hush now".  Try it a few times then get busy doing something else.  He may just be looking for reassurance.  Given that a few times an hour, soon he will get the picture that is what his crying brings...a gentle tap and a hush now.

[Sandman2]

   Very beautifully said!  Thank you for your post!

[Nanamommaof4]

I began reading these posts to try to gain some insight into why my granddaughter has begun crying during the evenings, but the posts seem to be centering on whether spanking our children is a positive disciplinary measure.  I have raised 4 children.  They came quickly, 4 in 3 1/2 years (the last 2 were twins), so you can well imagine the stress and fatigue in the home was piqued somewhat often.  The 3 boys all have ADHD which caused issues throughout their childhoods.  I was raised with the philosophy that spanking, or "popping"; as it seems to be called here, was appropriate, so that is what I found myself, in my most frustrated moments, resorting to.  My children, now 32, 30, 28, 28, have all grown into intelligent, educated, responsible, hard working adults; one is working in finance, one is a gifted teacher, and 2 are serving our country overseas.  Having said that, however, I want to say that spanking them in their youth is one of my greatest regrets. Having permitted myself to use that form of "discipline"; (looking back I realize I was merely taking my frustration and anger out on them) kept me from finding better solutions to getting their attention. In spite of this I am very lucky to be able to say that my relationship with each of them is very loving and honest, and I am blessed to be able to call each of them "friend'. I worry, however, that I may have passed down what I now believe is an unacceptable practice to yet another generation and so I speak to them about this as often as is appropriate.  I hope reading this will give parents of young children food for thought, perhaps encouraging them to find another, better way of helping their children to grow.  We need to lead by example, not fear, and that is, in my opinion, exactly what spanking causes.  Don't make my mistake.  Raise your children with love, patience, firmness, fairness and intelligence.    

[mommy1234567890]

My one year old is like this. Only, she is so because she is used to getting a lot of attention from everyone all the time. I, her mom, never leave her for a second unattended, if I try to brush my teeth or get dressed, she whines and cries. She has been like this even as a very young baby. We always carry her, she wouldn't sit alone for 15 minutes without a tantrum. The same goes at her grandmother's house, where I put her when I go to work, she often has 2 adults taking care of her at once, with their undivided attention... and when at daycare she needs the same, she cries because you do not give her the same attention.

[baby2014]

I spoke to my sons pediatrician about the crying and tantrums also not listening. He gave great advice and I took it. He told me a child has never died from crying.  He said when he throws tantrums place him in a safe secure time out area and let him cry and after he has calmed down explain there will be no tantrums when mommy says no or what every the tantrum was over. Time out has been the best solution to my little boys acting out. When he whines I explain to him that whining will not get him his way and if it continues he will sit in time out until he is finished. We also take toys away and when we are outside if he goes to the road we automatically go in he is no longer allowed to play outside. It breaks his heart more to be inside and it has worked. We tried the spanking method and wound up with no results to the problems. I am bow teaching my mom that popping does not work. Which I believe she noticed that sitting in time out works best when we went to the beach. He tried running to the road immediately I addressed it with a firm No you do not go to the road and made him sit in time out for 2 minutes he did not go back to the road. I've also learned that if I want him to mind me the first time I must take immediate action. Immediate obedience especially when he knows not to do something. If it is something new I do warn by explaining what and why he shouldn't be doing what ever it maybe.

I've also noticed he behaves very well when he has positive attention and after being praised for doing something such as picking up toys he left out and throwing his trash away. Or helping push the clothes in the dryer and closing the door. He really loves to help. Before I wouldn't let him and when I learned that your never to small to help I let him help.

So maybe giving theses kids simple tasks like handing dishes to you while you wash, watch while you cook on a stool far from the oven, pushing the clothes in the dryer and closing the door, holding a dust pan, etc will help with the needing attention. What are we doing in most cases the child is crying we are busy cleaning, cooking, or preparing for something. Find ways to involve the little one so that he/she won't feel left out.

I've also noticed that my little boy has been much happier since we have cut the cord to the television. We play music, clean, and have activities throughout the day. My little one will be 22 months on the 12th. He is very well behaved and changing my method has been great and I've seen a change. Attention can be given at all times without holding just teach your child to be involved. Plus it teaches them to be clean and to help.

Consistency works. And don't give in.  

[mommae28]

I so agree. People want to send you to jail cause you give your kid a little pop. My mother never spanked us and to be honest, we were horrible with her. My dad was the opposite and we sured behaved with him. Sometimes it is a matter of their safety. My two year old does not listen right now and cries at my feet all day long. I have cried and cried and tried everything in the book. Am I really a horrible mother because the only way to keep my two year old from running in the street is to spank him? Or climbing up a bookshelf, or sticking things in his mouth? This is whats wrong with the world, let our kids run all over top of us and give them no boundaries other than a simple "no, no." Yeah sure they'll listen.

[xenobia1995]

And I know this is a very old thread....just wanted to put my 3 cents out there on the whole spanking issue.  Also, I never hit other kids because I knew my mother would be furious with me lol  So the theory on spanking a child teaches them to hit is bogus.  Other kids who have not been properly disciplined teach them to hit.  The world needs to figure this out.  It is illegal for a childcare provider to spank my child, but it is not illegal for me to do it.  A lady saw me pop my son's butt in the grocery store and basically threatened me.  I told her that she could take him and raise him as I would not raise a criminal.  That shut her nosey butt up!

[xenobia1995]

I personally "popped" all four of my children and they are now very productive members of society!  My mom tore me up with a switch (or whatever was closest to her) and I turned out fine.  I work, pay my bills and have never been inside a jail cell and I love her dearly!  Kids these days get away with so much and are stuck in front of video games or television and guess what?  Prisons are full to bursting with those same kids.  Society has gone terribly wrong!  I now have a grandchild and will treat her the same way I treated my own kids if her parents want me babysitting all the time...which I do :-)  This "timeout" stuff is for the birds.  Good luck to all!!!

[margypops]

PS This is a 5 year old thread .....

[margypops]

Wat on earth has that to do with my posts on hitting children ???

[killerdoll42]

Sure love your children spoil with what they need but you get them used to being attched to you like your their limb guess what they will not be satisfide till that is all they do. My newphews moher believed in attached parenting and guess what the kid is so dependant of her that he does feed himself talk or walk at 3 and throws tantrums and hits if she's doesn't take him into the bathroom with her and still heaven forbid she puts him down to eat or brush her teeth forget ever potty training this ki how can the when he doesn't walk I mean at all can't even stand on his on even his doctor said he's just spoiled to the point of lazy because mentally and body wise he's fine the doctors say he understands what he does and since noone tells him no or shows h won't get what he wants he keeps it up

[tessypoo]

i totally agree...ima try it

[mrpresh110]

if U ask me, I tink that's the best.........lol

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Feel free to re read my post.  I didn't say all home day care is bad or anything of the sort.  But there are some that probably have no business running a daycare and this post was more related to such a situation.  Day care providers/babysitters popping kids and such.  All daycare, in home or otherwise should be checked out thoroughly by a potential family complete with references and a visit during the day to see what goes on there.  Any parent would be foolish not to do that.   I happen to know of several really excellent at home day care providers around me and I'd recommend them to anyone.  
Frankly, I would think that you would be unhappy with some of the posts here as they give daycare providers a bad name.

Good luck with your business and those with skills and patience to meet children's needs are highly sought after.  I'm glad you are providing this for families.

[loumary629]

I just recently read your response about home day cares. Your response are about people who just want to make a buck and not know anything about children is bull. I have an in-home day care and I have a CDA and a Assoicates Degree in Early Childhood. So don't label if you don't know what you are talking about. Parents can find quality care in both home and center-based day cares.

[Nik19]

My daughter is 14 months old and does what every other child is doing in this forum. And I've been sending her to daycare also, shes perfectly well behaved there, but hasn't changed her behaviour at home. I don't know what to do except ignore her when she whines, tell her no that is wrong and then praise her when she behaves...some days my methods work others they don't, I wish there was more solutions on here

[cbn]

I think there are two conversations going on here - and they're separate from the original post.  One is the concept of physically touching a child to alleviate the crying (aka popping) and the second is the original post - how to help this daycare provider figure out what's going on and how to make the situation better.  Not many of these posts are actually helpful to Pupsteacher.  Thank goodness her post is 4 years old - hopefully the problem and the child are out of her responsibility at this point.

I'm curious to see what others' do.  Our nanny works with my daughter who's happy and doesn't cry or fuss much as well as another baby who will literally cry all day long for no reason.  No napping, etc.  I work from home and listen to this transpire all day.  The two of us have no idea what to do.  Any help or thoughts are greatly appreciated - leave the hitting out of the conversation.  It's not part of our consideration set.

Thanks!

[crushin009]

There are lots of things adults do or teach their child that we do not expect them to do right away while they are toddlers.  So when I pop my daughter and sit her in time out (after several warnings)  she knows she did wrong and there are consequences for her actions.  She does not think ok now I go to school and hit my class mates.  
   After the time out I explain why what she did was bad and I explain she was given chance after chance.  She will then say sorry and the world is great again.  

She spends a lot of time with her cousins who are not punished at all.  Once in a great while they get a time out and on very very rare occasions a very small "pop".   THESE KIDS BEHAVE HORRIBLE.  One is a constant attention beggar who screams and hits all the kids he is around.  Remember this is a kid who is not spanked. The other kids do not listen to a single thing you tell them. I am the only one they sometimes listen to. Mind you I have never spanked the others but they see me spank my daughter and put her in time out even though they don't get punished.  I know your thinking that's horrible for my daughter to get punished while the others don't.

If you ask her why that happens she will tell you...    "So I behave better and people like me more cause I am good"  The difference in these kids who come from the same background and are together almost every day is like comparing night and day. One day about a week ago we witnessed the all too familiar screaming kid in the super market.  My daughter said "He needs a spanking and time out"   Children today have no consequences for their actions....     15 years later the parents are gonna wonder why they are behind bars.

[jeano212003]

I have a 13 month old that also CRYS all the time... He gets exhausintg my only excape is work 8 hours a day than I get to go home to the crying again... UGH however, I am going to try to take him to a Chiropractor tomorrow.. I herd some people tell me it works sooo I am going to give it a try. Maybe some of you that are hitting your children should try a Chiropractor... just my thought

[specialmom]

That is excellent advice!!  Thank you.

[paperclip46]

Look up yupthatoneismine.    She has got it right.  Children will play to where you give them attention.  If it is bad attention then they will still play to that with the resulting negative emotional trauma all that brings.  Children love to be have good attention and you can watch them just blossom with this scenario. So the trick is to catch them doing something right and then give them attention and when they are doing something wrong you can actually tell them you will ignore them if they do that again and just ignore them.  I tell you it is a punishment to them.

[specialmom]

Well, that is pretty typical of 20 month olds.  It's the way it goes and that it bothers you to the point of wanting to discpline her for it worries me.  I would suggest that you find a sitter and leave the house.  You need to work on your own frustration level and handling it better.  Please do not have more children any time soon.  It will make your ability to deal with your child that much worse.  

They get more independent in the near future if she is 20 months old.  I would have special things that my kids could do at times in which I could not totally focus on them.  They did always want to be with me so I had things like a bag of magnets that I only got out when I was making dinner and they could do them on the frig while I cooked.  I had a box of special books, puzzles, toys that I brought out when I showered or something like that.  If I had to fold laundry, they would sit right beside me.  

Kids of this age have a very short attention span, so a list of things you can do for bits of time to distract them is great.  Work on your list.

Popping her won't teach her--------- it will make her cling to you more.  You've already been 'popping' ----------  has it worked?  

So get some breaks by leaving the house and work on your own ability to be less frustrated by your child.  good luck

[sincere2k10]

i have a 20mth old little girl and i cant get her to stop crying. The only person she wants is me, regardless if someonne else is holding her she would fight and cry as soon as she sees me. i go to put her down or in the playpen and she screams an cry like somethings wrong. So i realized that when i went to pick her back up she was ok and stopped fusing.  i even try putting her down to walk and she doesnt want to walk. and if she does she will play for 5mins and try to come and climb on me. i tried ignoring her closing the door behind me and she get louderm  i dont spoil her. but I also dont know what to do!!! i have had her check out by our pediatrician and they say it will pass but she driving me nut with all the screaming and crying and all she want to do is be held, someone please help or have some positive advise and i do believe in popping

[margypops]

well I have been helping on this forum for as long as I have been here ..3 years and most do not seem to like hitting children   .I do agree that mixed messages are a real problem ..