four year old preschool problems

[Mike785]

I have a four year old son who is very bright. Unfortunately, sometimes, at preschool, he refuses to follow instructions. The instructors try and force him to obey, but he is very strong willed. Usually, the situation esculates into a full blown temper tantrum with my child crying and screaming. The prechool instructor and the school counselor asked me if I would like to have my son evaluated. I, of course, said no. I do not want any school to know about my child's mental health and physical health, unless it is on my terms. I refuse to say to any child not in the six grade that based on your worst moments we are going to label you and track you throughout your school career.

I should mention that these outbursts happen maybe once a month. At home, my son is normal. He listens to his parents, for the most part, and he enjoys reading, math, and drawing pictures for me. However, there are times when he refuses to do certain things and there have been some times in which he has had a temper tantrum. I attribute all this to his young age. I figure once he gets older and is better table o communicate with others he will be just fine.

My wife and I have decided to take him to a medical center that has a preschool disruptive behavior clinic so he could be evaluated. We believe he can be properly evaluated here than at his preschool school. In addition, we value the privacy. We are hoping to learn some strategies and techniques to better deal with my son on those occassions that he is out of control.

However, under no circumstance would I allow my son to be labeled hyper active or in need of special education. Parebts fof boys must protect them because they are more likely to be labeled disruptive, get placed out of preschool, and placed into special education.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You are doing the wise thing in having your son evaluated, and it is likely that a simple, straightforward, systematic behavior management plan is all that is needed to help him (see Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Children). However, it would also be wise to do a little soul searching about your thoughts about the school. Most school evaluations are very helpful and do not at all result in the sort of catastrophe you are imagining. Parents always have the final say in the delivery of special services. The evaluation is undertaken to figure out what is happening and to determine if specialized intervention is needed. Such intervention can occur only if you want it to.

[aboutbabyval]

I think that same way.  I also have my kid behave like this in private preschool.  They say she yells/ screams and will not respond to them and walks away. The problem is circle time and lunch.  I am having her medically evaluated and also public school evaluated possibly.  I am told the two evaluations are conducted differently.  The school looks for any school related problem only and the medical eval is done more for medical reasons.  I do worry about the school keeping the test on public record for 7 years for all to see (school dep).  I don't like the treatment they provide kids and parents alike by disrupting the kids day, your emotions and pulling them out of class never to get the missed work made up. If your preschool is not in the town school the record may go away and then the grade school won't know.  Nice find and thank you for including it (medical center that has a preschool disruptive behavior clinic). I will have to look out for one in Boston. I would love to tell the school evaluation dept no thanks forget the many evaluations. My kid is bright to and says she is board in the 20 kid classroom.  She is in a 13 kid daycare one day a week and they also have circle time and lunch. The 2 teachers say she is strongminded and terrific all day.  It is like night and day. They say How wonderful it would be to have you sit down with us and eat. That is terrific you are participating at circle with us. They do positive reinforcement all day and only give attention for doing what is asked of her. If she gos astray they reel her back by saying nice things about the other kids who are doing what they should be.  Good luck    

[Specialteacher101]

Being a special education teacher, I would agree with your child's teacher on having your son evaluated in the school system, and I am not saying that because I work in a school system myself but I know you want what is best for your child and this route would be the best bet for him. I know that you are worried about him being tracked in for the rest of his schooling but, that is not the case.
Normally, when a child is evaluated, it is do so by playing games, reading and hanging out. Your child must be evaluated numerous times, different settings, talking with the teachers and parents to fully grasp the child's behavior. Of course, a child is going to act differently around their parents then for his/her teacher.
Believe it or not, in order for your child to be consider in a special education program it takes months... not just one time and "okay you acted up so you are now in the special education program". There are over 500 ways a child can be put under the category as a special education child. Here is a list to help you:

1. Text anxiety. (Child then goes to a silent room to take a test)
2. Autism ( Some are still in a normal setting classroom, just not for some subjects)
3. LD ( Child who need constant help and repeating of directions, still can function in a normal classroom setting)
4. EH -Emotionally handicap ( Could be in a normal classroom setting, but might need to hold a cotton ball or a bear during circle time to help remain composure)

So you can see, if your child would fall under that" label" does not mean anything different for his chance to learn. Its where the teacher then develops a different learning process for him so he can be a better student.

At the age of 4, it is easy to start seeing patterns of a child portraying special needs for concern. Of course children react differently maybe it was just a pure temper tantrum and if that is that case then that is not okay and that was a poor choice, but if that is not the case, it is better to find out know, and start the process then to not do something until it is to late (hence upper elementary.)

All to many times we will see parents as teachers who don't want their child evaluated for whatever reason, but we (teachers) have been trained, went to school, have meetings, ect.... about all types of education for child who require a different ability to learn. In order for any teacher in any state they must take classes on clueing in on behaviors that seem alarming. It is in no way to offend you or your wife. We understand that is a shock and alarming. But my advice to you as being a teacher in the field and teaching teachers how to teach that it would be better if you just did it know, then waited... and if it is done in the school system it can be processed quicker then from a outsider.

Just a couple of thoughts.

[Mike785]

Thanks for the helpful feedback. I appreciate your help with this matter.

Mike