four year old tantrums

Question

My four year old son throws tantrums when he does not get his way. He hits,kicks and has a very foul mouth. Uses language that a child should not say. The pediatrician says he is fine that it is tipical for children to go through this stage. I can not take it any more. I don't know what to do.

rinkledinkle · Answer

I respond by telling him his actions are not appropriet. If he continues I punish him buy taking things he likes away.This still does no good. He is so strong willed. We have spanked him and he tells us that it did not hurt and when it does hurt we get called all kinds of cuss words. No matter what we say or do he still continues his tantrums and cussing.

rinkledinkle · Answer

Thank you for the suggestions my husband has talked to a counselor and she is going to talk to our son. Plus the rewards chart sounds good we are going to make one up for him also. Thanks and god bless

margypops · Answer

Excellant advice from rinkle ,and an interesting perspective.

swisspure · Answer

Does your son go to daycare?  My almost 5yr old daughter was doing the same thing.  Melt downs, temper tantrums, bullying, kicking, cussing, taking toys etc.  She has been removed from 2 daycares in her short life.  Her last school she had attended since age 3.  I had many incident reports over the 2 years, but they always said it was "age appropriate" and suggested I be consistant and re-direct.  Looking back I don't think it was age appropriate compared to how often it happened.  She was my only child and I had nothing to compare her to.  Once she moved up to the pre-k class, her behavior got 10 times worse.  The new teacher called me at home within her first 4 days of school.  I decided to hire a counselor to sit in on her class for observation.  The counselor said my daughter is strong willed and had a hard time joining cirlce time but very brilliant.  On the other hand she found the teacher to be stong willed, too structured and rigid.  She would put my daughter in time-outs over and over for not joining cirlce time.  She said my daughter and the teacher were not a good mix and recommended trying another teacher.  Someone who is more patient and would slowely introduce structure without forcing it.  The school had her removed before I could even try...  She has now been in her new school for 3 weeks with only one bad note.  Daily communication is very important, most teachers do not communicate unless it's really bad.  So ask everyday or as often as possible.  Start a reward chart and focus on 3 main issues.  My chart at home is magnetic and a dry erase.  I listed Behavior, bedtime and getting ready for school.  Example 6 magnets = Weekend Movie/popcorn, 8 = Park or Bike ride, 12 stars = Surprise Event (Like indoor swimming pool).  I don't reward with candy or buying things.  I also continue to have my daughter see the child counselor once a week.  I would highly recommend a child counselor meet your son and talk about these issues now, especially if your insurance covers it.  Mine doesn't cover it but she gives me a cash discount and it's $36 an hour, once a week.  Early intervention is really important.  She diagnosed my daughter with anxiety and minor OCD.  The counselor has taught me lots of things about dealing with melt downs and anxiety.  Allowing extra time to get out the door or ready for bed.  Buy a timer and say we are living in 10 minutes and set the timer.  Also be sure there is peace within your home, no fighting etc.  Make sure you and his father are on the same page with how you discipline.  I do time outs 1 min per age and sometimes will spank.  Give tons of positive reinforcement to your son.  When he is playing nice with his friends be sure to tell him how proud you are.  If you work full time create 3 days a week of "one hour special time" during this time take no phone calls and really play with him.  Also take him off all high fructose sugars and see what happens, it doesn't hurt.  I would recommend reading "Love and Logic" or get it on CD.  Give yourself lots of mommy breaks too, you deserve it.  It will help refresh you.