good 5yr old gone bad

[boys2girlsx]

i have a sweet 5 year old boy that just started kindergarten.i know it takes alot to adjust to a full day of school after only half day of preschool and of course a fun summer.so im thinking his sudden mean behavior is due to this.when i ask him to do his homework,take bath,no sweets before dinner or when we have to leave from a friends house he becomes a different boy.he tells me no,im a mean mommy,im a bad mommy,i never let him do anything and that lies..that i feed him mud for dinner and so forth.he also gets physical with me like goes to push or even hits me.i have sat him down and asked him whats wrong and why hes so mad and he doesnt know what to tell me.i just want my sweet little boy to be happy and not be scarred by whats going on with his behavior.how do i handle this?

[Sandman2]

  Good work on the time out, my only suggestion would be that it shouldn't have been a hour long battle (of course, I don't have all the details).  Next time - do a short time out immediately, then let him throw away the bottle and resume the show.  Don't be afraid to turn off the tv during this process.   By the way, he will probably say mean things.  You can teach him other ways to express his emotions.  But basically, you kind of ignore what he says as that's how he is trying to get his way.  Hang in there!

[boys2girlsx]

thank you very much for the advice..we live in southern california and alot of schools here have the same approach to homework.this is stuff the children are very capable of doing.at kindergarten they"re already learning how to read.i do believe he is testing his limits and is very stubborn when it comes to things.just the other night he wouldnt put his trash in the trash can cuz he was gonna miss his favorite show.it turned into an hour long battle in which in the end he finally threw it away but still said he hated us and he also got physical during this situation.we did our "time out" and it did work except for he still said some pretty mean things.he finally appologized and i did inform him that what he did was not ok. whew..it was a tuff battle.but thank you all for your advice! and i welcome anymore..

[Sandman2]

  Well, it wouldn't hurt to talk to this teacher and see if she is noticing any of the things that are bothering you.  I suspect she hasn't.  If so he is basically testing his limits (and you).  The "time out" method is a great method if used properly.  If you wish you might buy the book,  "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.  She explains how to really make it work for you.  Essentially consistency and immediacy are the key words.  
  Do realize that if he is "testing" you or simply trying to expand his limits, that this will be a bit of a battle for awhile (perhaps longer if he is a really sharp kid - since he will switch to different tactics).  Don't give up.  Be really consistent now, it will pay off in the end.  By the way, experts say that it can take up to three weeks for a child to change a learned behavior.  So don't expect overnight success and give up what you were doing.  Best wishes.

[jdtm]

My original thought still stands - your son is stressed from school.  Actually, I suspect what you are seeing are behaviours common to anxiety/stress.   Have you tried googling phrases as "school and stress" or "school and anxiety"?  Just a suggestion ...

By the way, I am a retired teacher and I disagree with your school's approach to homework.  What country do you live in?  In Ontario (which has relatively high academic standards), homework assigned by the teacher is to be approximately 10 minutes per grade - so Grade 1 would have 10 minutes, Grade 2 would be 20 minutes, etc.  Of course, this does not include those assignments which were to be completed by the student in class or studying for tests.  Perhaps someone else on this site might be able to offer more insight ....

[boys2girlsx]

my kindergartner does have homework but it is not only reading they do this day an age.he also does writing and problem solving.when he gets home from school i give him time to wind down and eat a healthy snack.i do do the countdown method when leaving a friends ahouse starting with 10min. but its still a battle.and i do use the "time out" method and most times it does work..its a moment to moment battle everyday....

[jdtm]

It does take time to adjust to kindergarten - one of my grandchildren took two weeks; another several years before she was able to "adjust" to school.  It appears from your posting that your son is exhasuted from the stress of school.  First - what homework?  We're talking kindergarten here - at the most reading a book to your son would be expected.  As for the "no sweets before dinner" - that's a good point.  But when children return from school, most are starved.  I know of several parents who have dinner as soon as possible after the children arrive home.  If that is impossible for you, then a healthy snack as a peanut and butter sandwich or a cheese stick would be an alternative prior to dinner.  As for leaving the friend's home, I am wondering if your son has trouble with transitions - do you warn him five or ten minutes before it is time to leave that you will be leaving.  I feel that you should never allow a child to "get physical" but talking to him at this high frustration point would be fruitless.  Do you use the "time-out" method for discipline?  Perhaps some other younger mothers might have additional insight and suggestions.  I wish you the best ....