how to control a 2 year old boy

[danizim]

hi, i have a 2 year old toddler and he's really out of control, i'm pregnant at the moment 24 weeks, i feel really tired and feel like i can't cope with my child, his behaviour is really hard for me, he doesn't sleep in his own room, he has to sleep with us or he won't sleep at all or he will scream for hours, he hits me everytime he doesn't get something he wants, we go out he doesn't let me breath, he doesn't like to play by his own, i feel that is taking all my energy and i find hard to cope. i feel anxious. if he wants to watch a dvd and i don't let him he will start sreaming and throw things at me and hit me.we don't go to restaurants anymore, or supermarket cause he always throw a tantrum and it's really hard to control him. i don't know what to do. please help.
Thanks

[Sarah1013]

thanks a lot, thats some really good advice. Im guessing the discipline gets easier after the toddler years?

[specialmom]

I am by no means an expert on this----  but have had good luck with my sons.  Here are some things that help prior to the discipline part----  

pick your battles.  You can't say no no no to everything or everything.  If you do, then everything is the same.  Running in the street is the same as not eating your carrots.  So I keep my absolute no list on the short side.  My kids know that list and it NEVER changes.  (for us things like not going in the street, not hitting, not playing with electrical outlets, etc. is on the list).  

Give choices.  It works nicely to say do you want to do A or B.  Then they pick and feel like the have a little control.  By two, they are testing boundaries and challenging you.  If they have a part in the decision making process, they are less likely to challenge.  If need be, you can make one choice more attractive than another.

Dogs, the army and kids have something in common.  They are a hiarchy and need a leader.  I am the leader of my kids.  I don't yell or go crazy to be this leader,  I just present myself like the calm authority of the house.  My children have always respected me as such.  

I am prepared to follow through on any threat I make.  I don't just say-----  if you have a melt down, we are going to leave . . . I warn them once and if they melt down, we leave.  No matter where we are or what we are doing.  That way they have learned to believe what I am telling them.  If they resist getting buckled in the car, we sit in the driveway until they do.  If they fight in the car or are yelling, we pull over and sit until they stop.  That has stopped that kind of stuff.  I don't yell or act really mad or anything, I just tell them how it will be if they do those things.  And then follow through if the test it.

I plan ahead.  If I know we are going to need to sit.  I have a plan beforehand.  I anticipate what would be hard for them and what I can do to help (ie, church, birthday parties, etc.)  I also know it is easier to sit if they have just been physical---- so we run laps or do something phsycial before sitting.

I always made/make sure they are well rested.  I'm protective of their sleep as lack of it results in bad things.  Routine is important for those types of things.

I'm pretty consistent and stay calm during discipline.  No yelling, it doesn't help.

Okay, for discipline----  time outs worked sometimes for my kids.  Sometimes not.  Keep trying as they will work more later on, I bet.  But I use bargaining chips.  First, I have reward programs for my kids.  They earn beans that they put into a jar and when they get enough, they get to do something they like.  They also earn coins for good deeds.  My kids love this and it is a posative way to get them to listen.  My boys are 4 and 5 and we probably started that a year or so ago.  When they were little it worked more like-----  we can't have a fit if we want to go to the park today.  Something of value TO THEM.  In terms of taking away, a toy they love was the bargaining chip.  If I had to get their attention and fast, that would be the threat.  I will take away x, this is your warning. Then I would take away x.   You can't take it for long.  Maybe a couple of hours.  If my boys fight over a toy, it gets taken away from both for a period of time.  So they learn to take turns.  I'm really big on exagerating when they do good and giving tons of praise for it.  My kids like praise a lot and do lots to get it.  I also learned to cound backwards from 3, like this "3 -2-1".  I don't know what it is about that, but I don't usually ever get to one.  They do as asked when I start counting like that.  I've never spanked my kids.  They just know I am the key to fun things in the house!  

For great time out suggestions, you can read the book the expert forum recommends SOS for Parents by Lynn Clarke.  I've read it, it is good.  The library should have it.

It is an adventure for sure-----  try to enjoy it along the way!  Good luck

[Sarah1013]

how do you discipline you kids? I have a lot of problems finding a way to punish my daughter. Time-out doesnt work for her.

[specialmom]

Honestly, many two year olds are just like this especially if they are active.  They don't enjoy doing grown up things like sitting in resturants and grocery shopping.  I think it helps to plan plan plan ahead.  Part of the dinner, you'll have to walk around a little with them (just reality, active two year olds don't sit long with all that activity going on around them) and have a bag of books, little puzzles, some crayons and paper that is only for while you are out so it is fresh.  I grocery shopped at night after they were in bed (but you would need someone to watch him while he slept) just because it was easier to go alone.  If I did take my kids (my boys are 15 months apart and what I fondly call my little maniacs as they are beyond active)-----  I was all business.  Quick in, get a few things and quick out.  My rule for all places like that was (and still is) if we have a meltdown----  we have to leave.  I don't get mad about it or anything, it is just the rule.  We've walked out of resturants, stores, parties before.  It cut down on tantrums.  It really did.  But at 2 it is  harder. That started to work at 3 or so where they understood a consequence.  Again,, I wasn't mad when we left.  I was just following the rules. It got so I could remind them of the rule when they were acting up and they would usually calm right down.  Bottom line-----  think about things from your child's perspective and not yours.  Running errands quietly, sitting still in a crowd, being quiet so mommy can have peace and an adult conversation are not tops on their agenda.  It is only a matter of time that they will grow out of this.

Same goes for needing you to play with them.  My son was 16 months old when my second child was born.  He was walking or should I say running by then and was all over the place.  It is what it is.  They don't care if you are pregnant----  they are just being kids.  And he won't care when you have a newborn in the house.  It is hard hard hard-----  I know.  And you are tired and need a break.  I would suggest a mom's helper.  These are kids that are around 11 or 13 that you pay 2 to 3 dollars an hour while you are home to play with your kids.  They do the running around for you and you are around to supervise.  I had this a couple of times a week after the 11 or 12 year old got home from school.  It was very helpful!

My boys are 4 and 5 now------  it does get easier.  I promise!  Good luck.

[Sarah1013]

My two year old daughter is the same way. Except instead of not letting me breathe she likes to run off. But her tantrums are just like his. I havnt found a solution yet but just wanted you to know youre not alone.