Crying w/ me all the time

[Helenev]

My son is 18 months old, and when in my presence he will uncontrolably cry non stop.  He does this for no apparent reason and NOT with my husband.  If i leave the house and its only him and my husband, he is fine, doesnt cry once.  My husband video taped about a hour or so when I wasnt around so i could see his behavior and it was true, not once did he cry.  At this point I have no idea why my son will cry once he sees me and if I walk away from him out of the room.
     This behavior has been going on since he has been born and is now taking a huge toll on my marrage.  My daughter was never like this and im clueless on why he is like this.  He hasn't, in 18 months, slept through the night. He wakes up in the middle of the night hystericle and the only way to calm him down is for my husband to go into hisroom and rock him to sleep.  Please give me some suggestions, this is really tearing me and my marrage to pieces, and not getting a good night sleep in 18 months doesnt help either.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The good newd is that this response will likely change in the near future. Sometimes, for subtle reasons, one or the other parent does not convey comfort to a child - it is an instinctive response. I am assuming this is what is occurring. I recall an infant who, when he was in distress, was quickly comforted by his father, but simply would not settle with his mother. There was no overt reason for this, as I witnessed both parents hold him, attend affectionately to him, etc., and yet achieve very different results. When this is the case, almost always by the time children turn two they do not show such a response.

[Helenev]

thank you for the responce.  My husband and I are trying that now and its working, somewhat lol.  He needs to learn to go back to sleep on his own, I understand that, the BIG problem is, he is cry every time he sees me.  If i leave the house and he is home with my husband, he doesnt cry once, he plays and has a great time.  Once he sees me he starts the whining which leads to uncontrolable hysterics.  He actually got sick a few time from being so worked up.  This is very difficult to handle.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

I can only speculate about this without a few more details. Is it simply your presence that precipitates your son's crying? Or is a matter of his not responding well to your efforts to comfort him when he is in some type of distress? At night, it may be worthwhile to stop going in to your son - it will be hard for him to stop this pattern if your husband goes to him every time he cries when he wakes up during the night. You rson does not 'learn' the skill to comfort himself and to fall back asleep on his own.