is my 4yr old truthful about alleged molestation b 14 yr old step bro?

[ashtyntaylor]

My son who literally turned 4 years old 2 days ago told me yesterday that my finances 13 -almost- 14 year old son, hits him in his back when he doesn’t do what he is told to do... This conversation turned into me finding out that apparently my 14 yr old step son and my 4 yr old son do “that funny thing” together in the older ones room. I inquired more about this funny thing and he says, “we get naked”. I asked him why does he get naked with him and then told him that he isn’t supposed to be getting naked with anyone for any reason. My son ends up telling me more than I wanted to hear during this car ride..Turns out that the “funny thing” is the licking of each other’s “weiners”. I was mortified & still am. I don’t know how to approach this situation in order to fix it. I was molested by my fathers dad when i was a year older than my son is and no one believed me. Therefore it continued for years until finally he was caught by another family because he was engaging in sexual acts with another 4 year old girl. I remember how alone i felt and how scared i was. it has caused a magnitude of problems with trust and in my relationships in adulthood. As a parent, this is one of the absolute worst things to hear from your child. He is my only biological child. He is my baby, my world, my absolute everything. Nothing bad is supposed to happen to MY child (Every parents thought)... It’s my job to protect my baby from harm at all times & now I feel like I’ve failed him. I made sure to let him know that he was not in any trouble and thanked him for being a big boy and telling me and stressed to him that if he was being told that doing those “funny things" is okay and to keep it secret that he needs to not be afraid and to come and tell me immediately and I will handle it. I want to believe him 110% but I understand at the same time that he IS a young child with a vivid imagination so I’m PRAYING TO GOD that none of this has happened. However, I don’t understand where the F*** would he have heard anything about licking body parts? I spoke to my boyfriend about the alleged molestation and naturally he does not want to believe it be true because his son can’t stand to be around mine majority of the time. He asked his kid why my son was making comments about them getting naked together and he is saying he doesn’t know what he is talking about and basically just pleading the fifth. Now that I think about it, my son mentioned a “funny thing” about 3-4 months ago but i couldn’t understand what he was talking about but it all makes sense to me now. I refuse to continue to live in a home where my child is subjected to abuse of any degree whether it be physical, emotional, and/or sexual BUT IF IT ISN’T TRUE-- I don’t want to make a huge mistake and not only hurt another child emotionally and ruin the stepparent-step kid bond and relationship there but my relationship with the man I absolutely love and am head over heels for. Reasons I believe my son: 1. I take this very personal due to the fact that I was molested at a similar age by someone who was supposed to be trusted. 2. He JUST turned 4, I don’t know how he would know about sex or sexual acts like what he described to me. 3. I played “cop” and asked him about it for a good 2-3 hours, I tried to throw him off by talking about other random things then would casually bring this topic back up and his story NEVER changed, not even 1 tiny detail of it. 4. My boyfriend also has a 10 yr daughter and she has told me in the past that her brother was very mean to my son and that he hits him sometimes. However, I personally catch her lying multiple times in a day and have caught her hurting my son after which I scolded her for it. 5. He does act like he highly dislikes my son and belittles him when he thinks his father and I can’t hear him. He also does this to his sister and she has came to us saying that he hits her as well. 6. I just found out that my son has made weird little comments about him and his older step brother being inappropriate, the older one gets very irritated and yells at him to shut up and stop saying things like that. 7. He is socially awkward and an introvert. I’ve never seen a friend of his come over nor does he even leave his room really. He stays up all night watching either Harry Potter, Doctor Who, or one other show/movie that I can’t think of at the moment. Same 3 shows over and over... He cries any time a character dies. He is way too attached to television and very out of touch with reality; if you ask me.

My bf thinks that bc his son can’t stand to be around mine and ******* about him and how “annoying” he is, that automatically makes him not capable of what he has been accused of. I see this from a totally different angle. I would expect the alleged molester to show this type of behavior to “throw off” us parents and make the victim child appear to be lacking credibility causing the child to feel helpless thus, furthermore abusing the child emotionally.

I need advice ASAP because it needs to be fully addressed and handled immediately. My son is too scared to talk to my bf or really anyone about it because he feels he is in trouble for telling on his older *step* brother but he talks to me pretty openly. I love that he obviously feels so comfortable with me and knows he can talk to me about anything but it really bothers me that he won’t speak out about to anyone else because he has so much fear inside. It makes me look like i’m coercing his story when I tried helping him tell my bf what he had told me. I handed him a pillow and various items to “hide” behind so that he would feel more comfortable if he thought that no one could see him but whenever I  got him to whisper with me in front of my bf , thats when he said it again-clear as day.



I love my fiancé, but I will always love my son more.     How can I tell what the truth is and whats not OR WHAT SIGNS TO LOOK FOR? HELP?!?!?!     if it’s true, how can i take legal action ?                                                                                                                                                                                                    

[hangman1951]

One, I think you and your fiancée go somewhere private and have a very serious conversation about this.  If your fiancee won't talk with you about this in a serious manner, you need to find someone else with whom to have a relationship.  You can tell him you are considering filing criminal molestation charges against his son - and why you haven't done this already is beyond me.

Two, find a child therapist - talk to your son's pediatrician for a referral.

Three, move out yesterday!

[Kitty24cap3]

Ohh my god this is a parents worst nightmare. What I don’t understand is why you say you believe your son but yet keep questioning yourself. You 100% know this is true without a doubt.
No 4yr old would make this up or call it “funny thing”! He is hitting your poor boy Probly threatening to hit him more or do the funny thing with him. Horrible. Unfortunately you can never trust his 14yr old son around your son ever again. Leave & don’t look back your son is more important than any man.
Hugs & prayers

[RockRose]

I think you should break up with your boyfriend.  

I don't really think you can ever know it if it's true,  and if you take legal action against your boyfriend's children,  the relationship will be over forever.

Default,  to you should break up with your boyfriend.  They are hateful enough to your son that whether the relationship is sexual or not,  they are negative influences on his life.  

Since you said you place your son first (as you should) it's time for your boyfriend and his kids to go.  

[essdipity]

One other thought:  Does your child ever see the older boy unclothed just in the normal course of events? If yes, this wouldn't help, but if you're pretty sure not, it might. The older boy very likely now has fairly significant pubic hair, particularly if he's doing sexual things. Your child would have to have noticed this if what he says is true.

.I'm wondering whether there's a way, very subtlely of course, to get him to describe the other's 'weiner' parts. I have no idea how. But if you could manage this and your boy mentions hair (and size, etc.) that really would take away doubt.