Not responding to the negative behavior helps, and also giving specific praise for good behavior is reinforcing the behavior that you want most. Yelling or disciplining gives the child attention for the negative behavior, and if there are self esteem problems then this just reinforces the negative behaviors. I have been doing this for two years and it has really improved my 7 yr old son's behavior. And when the behavior improves, make sure you tell him how proud you are of him that he is doing better, but make sure you tell him you love him a lot and give lots of hugs and kisses.
Some other parenting skills books that helped me a lot are "Power Parenting for Children with ADD/ADHD" by Grad Flick, PhD and "Taking Charge of ADHD" by Russell Barkely PhD. Normal parenting skills do not work with a child that is impulsive. The set of parenting skills that were fine with my 21 year old do not work with this one - they simply are not effective.
Part of what you are describing sounds like impulsive behavior, and other parts sound more like provocative actions (e.g., not calling you what you prefer, repeating his comment about wanting to die). It may be that identifying a couple of particular behaviors to focus on, and establishing a systematic plan for addressing those (including a period of time out when the behaviors are displayed, particularly after you've issued a direction to stop), will help. In this regard, it would be sensible to arrange an appointment with a child therapist who can guide you in the design of a plan. Also, take a look at Lynn Clark's book titled S.O.S. Help for Parents.